Is it normal/natural to have "fantasies" - either about real and/or imagined people?

Here's my situation:
Of course my H and I are having problems - otherwise I wouldn't be here. But, we're not talking about separting or anything and we've both been completely faithful. That's the most important thing we have - trust.

Our problems are more related to arguing over money and the fact that he drinks too much. I'm reading everything I can here, and he's willing to listen. We're trying to do more fun things together to rebuild our love. I'm realizing the ways I need to change, too, and so I know there is hope for us.

So, here's my question...
For the last 4 or 5 years I've had a "crush" on a co-worker. It's very innocent. I've never flirted with him or anything. He's happily married with kids and there's no danger of an affair here.

But he's such a wonderful guy I can't help but think of him sometimes. He's kind, attractive, smart, spiritual...although I don't know him on a very personal level. We're just co-workers - not even what you'd call friends (we've never had contact outside of work). The problem is that I've had dreams about him and even a few romantic "fantasies."

I would never pursue this in reality. It's not like I'm in love with him or anything. It's more like a school-girl crush.

Is this dangerous? I've heard it's normal to have fantasies...but what if they're about real people instead of imagined ones? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Please help.

Blessings,
C.

yes C....it is very dangerous.

Here is something from the homesite from Harley:

Affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week -- your friends and co-workers. To illustrate how affairs develop, I am posting letters from two women, one who is tempted to have an affair with her husband's best friend, and another whose best friend had an affair with her husband. I have received dozens of letters like them, and dozens more from those who have had affairs with co-workers, the other type of person likely to draw you into an affair.

Thanks - can you point me in the direction of those letters on the home page? There's so much information there that I'm getting lost in navigating it.

I need more feedback on how and why this is dangerous - is it just because of my feelings - whether they are real or imagined? Because there is no way anything would actually happen in this situation. Sometimes I've thought that he is attracted to me - but this is probably just my imagination, since he seems to have a wonderful home and family life and has never given any sign or signal otherwise. Our relationship is all business. Yet, at times, my intuition tells me there may be some interest there, despite the fact that I know better. And as I have said, I would not want to pursue anything like this. So why can't I stop thinking about him?

I think I've just been having these feelings because of the desperation I've been experiencing with my marriage. I feel like I'm looking, not for an affair, but for the feelings I'm missing at home, and I've been fantasizing about this other person who I imagine to be perfect for me - which is, of course, all an illusion and I know it.

I know I need to focus more on things at home, but when things are rough, I have the tendency to turn to my fantasies for escape - the way some people turn to alcohol or other substances. I know this is not healthy, and I don't do it all the time...but how can I make it stop?

Blessings,
Chrys

<small>[ June 13, 2003, 12:12 PM: Message edited by: Chrys ]</small>

Hello Chrys

You are in very dangerous watters... Affairs begin that way! It's dangerous because some day you will have PMS, or you are going to feel helpless, or yu had a fight at home, and might turn to him for consolation or just a listening hear and boom you just drope the bomb. Since this person is so awesome to you I would advice get as far as him as possible.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I know I need to focus more on things at home, but when things are rough, I have the tendency to turn to my fantasies for escape - the way some people turn to alcohol or other substances. I know this is not healthy, and I don't do it all the time...but how can I make it stop?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well... this is not good and a HUGE flag I can relate in my case H turned to fantasy and had the A and I turned to alcohol... Both are escapes, and both didn't worked AT ALL to help our relationship until it was too late. So I would advice start reading his needs her needs and all you can from here also do the questionaries, and start working in your relationship and addressing your problems. Also if you feel you need to go to some counseling to help you both then go...

Good luck

Chrys most of the WS here never intended to have an A, but they crossed boundaries that inevitably put them on a slippery slope that led them straight downward towards their A's. One of the boundaries that you should never cross with this co-worker is that the two of you should never find yourselves alone with one another. If you do everything in your power to not cross this boundary, the chances of something happening between the two of you is extremely slim.

Thanks everyone. I've realized how serious this could be and I will try to put an end to these thoughts. The chances of us being alone together are extremely unlikely - he's only in the office a couple days a week, and it's a big office, there's no privacy.

That being said, one time, over a year ago, he did give me a ride home from work when my car was broke down. It was perfectly innocent...but now I see the danger in something like that happening again. That was the only time we were ever alone together and it was actually a bit awkward.

Thank you for helping me see the danger present here. I will do everything I can to put this out of my mind and focus my attention where it should be.

C.

<small>[ June 13, 2003, 01:35 PM: Message edited by: Chrys ]</small>