My husband had an affair with a co-worker. He left home for two months (April - May) and moved in with friends. During that period, he was still seeing the OW (married with a new baby) and was very nasty to me. He treated me something terrible. We have decided to reconcile - he is repentent and disgusted by his behavior and actions. I am having a hard time getting past the awful things he said and how he treated me. I can't get these things out of my head and I really want to. I love him and want this to work but I am really struggling. Can anyone give me any words of wisdom here?

I'm not sure that my words would be considered wise but I would suggest that you read Dr Willard Harley's book 'Surviving An Affair' as well as Dave Carder's 'Torn Asunder'. Those two books are truly works of wisdom and I highly recommend them to you.

You have got to remember that recovery is not something that you can turn on like a light switch. Each person is different and it is going to take plenty of time before the wounds caused by your H's affair heal completely. Being gentle with yourself and don't expect miracles to happen overnight.

Thanks! I have "Surviving An Affair" but I will purchase the other book you recommended.

Andie-

You have taken the right steps (as I'm sure you know) by being here and seeking advice & wisdom from many BS' (and perhaps some WS', like myself)who are and have been in your shoes.

Being the WS the one thing I can encourage you to do is pick your "battles" wisely. By this I mean the hurt you experience from his comments and treatment of you can translate to anger causing a chasm between the both of you and possibly sabotage what progress you guys have made.

I haven't read your posts other than this one and have to assume that his A, although ended, still is a big part of him. Plan A without any inquiry about the A is a good start and one that will facilitate unconditional sharing, too include possible reasons for his behavior toward you during the itme of the A.

Talk the talk of an effective Plan A and more importantly walk the walk of the path to full recovery!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Great praises for pursuing restoration to you Marriage!

God's Blessings!