Let me see just how much laughter this generates on TOW board (GF and I are laughing hysterically over the events of past 24 hours...funny how we meander off life's path especially when we don't have light to guide our feet).

Dvd gf and I have been together for 4 1/2 months. I found laughter, friendship, love and contentment of which I never experienced before (I hear Neil playing )

I have 2 teenage boys (16 & 14) from first marriage (none, thankfully with 2nd x) every weekend. They are very responsible and self sufficient (NO, I haven't shipped them to Kathy Lee's sweat shop school....YET!) and as time has past they are reaching out and doing much on their own (off to friends house fri or sat night or in the case of 16yo (who has his own car) coming and going at will)...I miss the many times with them but knew the day was coming ...As this day has quickly approached allowing me time to focus on self gf and her son (she has 9 yo son...who is an awesome young boy) I find that I have grown a great affinity for him yet she guards him from me at times (asked her to run a police check to ensure I wasn't a pedaphile...she laughs).

I ask her why this protection and her response is..."I love you and son adores you but I don't want him to get hurt again" (she has had 2 other relationships since dv and both failed for different reasons). She introduced me to him about 2 months ago and we hit it off big time!

I'm not too hung up on this as we take one day at a time but do any of you ladies who may be in similar situation ahve any thoughts or insight to shed some light on my path!?
Perhaps you need more info...I'll gladly share.


Thanks and God Bless!

[QUOTE]

Originally posted by catch22222:

Dvd gf and I have been together for 4 1/2 months.

And how long have you been divorced? I seem to recall that you wanted to save your marriage and you were determined to wear your wedding ring .... seems like this was just a few months ago. How long has the divorce been final?


I found laughter, friendship, love and contentment of which I never experienced before (I hear Neil playing )

I hope you had time alone after your divorce. Time to contemplate the broken vows, and to really come to terms with your decision to cheat on your X-W... and time to examine your personal weaknesses. Time to think about your previous 2 failed marriages. Most counselors recommend a minimum 2 years before beginning on a new relationship.

Grieving takes time and cannot be rushed. If this time is not taken for personal recovery, then your baggage is full of old stuff from your un-examined marriage problems .... and you drag all of that into the new relationship.

I have 2 teenage boys (16 & 14) from first marriage (none, thankfully with 2nd x) every weekend. They are very responsible and self sufficient (NO, I haven't shipped them to Kathy Lee's sweat shop school....YET!) and as time has past they are reaching out and doing much on their own (off to friends house fri or sat night or in the case of 16yo (who has his own car) coming and going at will)...I miss the many times with them but knew the day was coming ...As this day has quickly approached allowing me time to focus on self gf and her son

OOps .... excuse me. I think your sons may need you even more. Those late teen and early adult years are critical to growing into a man of character. Your boys need you more, not less. A strong role model needs to be there, not with another family. I suggest you re-focus on YOUR children, and let this GF deal with her son the way she sees fit.


(she has 9 yo son...who is an awesome young boy) I find that I have grown a great affinity for him yet she guards him from me at times (asked her to run a police check to ensure I wasn't a pedaphile...she laughs).

She is smart to guard her child from you. Not that there is anything wrong with you, but her experience has probably taught her that "men leave" .... and your history is one of leaving .... and she is wise to protect her son. Not from YOU per se, but from any man she is not married to.

I ask her why this protection and her response is..."I love you and son adores you but I don't want him to get hurt again" (she has had 2 other relationships since dv and both failed for different reasons). She introduced me to him about 2 months ago and we hit it off big time!

So, if GF wishes you to back off, then back off. She is using her experience to try and not repeat previous mistakes.

I'm not too hung up on this as we take one day at a time but do any of you ladies who may be in similar situation ahve any thoughts or insight to shed some light on my path!?

Sheding some light ..... you are too quickly involved. You need to be alone to think. You need to spend time fathering your sons. You have recently experienced a very traumatic loss, and you are too soon romantically involved once again .... all the while.... you fail to bring better relationship skills into this relationship .... because you have not completely learned what it takes to stay happy in a relationship. You are good at the start, but cannot stay the distance .... yet.

You are a good person who doesn't take the time to properly grieve your loss .... and this is common. Your mistakes are right there with you in this current romance. And ... instead of a new romance, you should sit with your sorrow and your loss .... and hold yourself accountable to your truthful and painful lessons.

You are a risk. And this GF sees that risk .... while still finding you attractive.

Go to a spiritual retreat. Get involved with your boys. Spend time volunteering with other boys who don't have a dad, all the while you are not romantically interested in anyone. You need to think, reflect, feel the loss, and then learn the lessons you try to avoid, so you will never repeat past mistakes in future romances.

That's my opinion. Pray about this.

Pep

catch,

You talk the talk of being a Christian man, but you don't seem to walk it.

Just my opinion in observing your behavior of late!

Good luck to you and your new gf.

Pep and ISleepAlone-

Out of deference to Pep and the lenghty post that may ensue, let me respond to ISA first-Your comments, opinions ARE NOT WELCOME HERE, please don't post on MY threads, again! Thank you.

Pep- As I have lurked several months before I joined the board and even now, the one MB poster, and there are others, that impressed me by how mature their walk with the Lord is is you. You took painstaking time to dissect my post and I thank you for that...moreso for the heart felt love and candor!

I will not hesitate to back off and honor wishes of gf and back off (for those reasons you state)!

Secondly, I have been in IC for a year now and have been acive in SAA for nearly 10 months...gf is aware of my situation (difficulty with LTR's).

I have been and continue to take time for myself and especially with my boys (although I paint this breaking of the chains on their part...we have always had uninhibited sharing (I suppose a reflection of their character and much less mine)...I don't take offense to your comments...I just wanted to clarify what may have been unwisely written earlier! To demonstrate the level of involvement of their mom and I (whom I get along with very, very well (although this has taken sometime to develop)- my oldest son has been granted a congressional interview so to submit application into the Naval Academy!! How proud and honored I am to have him as a son. My younger son who has ADD has gone from a struggling C+ student to a solid B+ student over the course of a year...and his EQ is brilliant! Eqully honored and proud I am.

Pep- I know my walk is more of a crawl but it is such a far cry from being in the womb and suffocating as I have in the past!

Thank YOU and God Bless you, always!

Sounds like ISA must have hit a little too close to the mark. Although their comments might have been a little disrespectful, Catch, your comments were more than a little disrespectful.

And I won't follow your request to stay away from your threads from now on.

I wouldn't introduce my children so soon to someone I was dating. They didn't meet the man I am currently dating until we had been dating about 7 months and they aren't around him much. And they almost never see us touch. Too confusing.

catch have nothing to add or impart about the situation with GF and her son.

But I am writing comments you made before asking your question ... after last weekend and reading this post I must say that you and Free2beMe/adora
are acting like children.

She zings you
You needle her

And you both are making us a party to it. What's the point? All you both are doing is sniping at one another . . . if this is how your marriage was no wonder it ended.

One of the people I posted the link to the article on grudges today was free2beMe --- I'm sorry that she seems to have left ... but it seems you need to read the article too:

http://women.msn.com/138840.armx

IMHO you both to grow up and stop acting like my kids.

way2

duplicate post

<small>[ November 03, 2003, 11:43 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by bleubelle:
<strong> ....And I won't follow your request to stay away from your threads from now on.....
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You can find this book on Amazon:

"Teenagers With ADD, A Parents' Guide" by Chris A. Zigler Dendy, MS

An excellent resource book for effectively dealing with teenagers with ADD .... especially the bright ones who can outsmart you.

I HIGHLY recommend this book for any parent dealing with an ADD teen. Most books discuss the parenting of younger ADD children, and teens require a different approach.

----> Soooooo, how long have you been divorced?

Pep

PS .... Do you have ADD?




<small>[ November 04, 2003, 07:55 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Catch,

Go back and read the Good Book - where Jesus reproached those who talked the "Good Word" but could not live it.

Your nasty little shot at your x-wife after a previous post seeking after her, expressing concern...

Well, Jesus called those who did that behavior "fiends" and "hypocrits".

I think the addiction has you running for a "legit" fix to kill the loneliness and pain, rather than doing the inner work that must be done to truly "come to Christ".

When your words toward your x are Christian consistently, I'll believe you are ready for another relationship. But until then, the least you can do is apologize to this lady that you have deceived, as well as her son - and find the true love of Christ in your heart.

No wonder "Free" doesn't believe you!

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by catch22222:
Let me see just how much laughter this generates on TOW board (GF and I are laughing hysterically over the events of past 24 hours...

What is funny about someone's emotional pain, ongoing humiliation, frustrated angry hurt, and confusion?

Do you love your X-wife? Do you love her as a precious human being, one of God's own beloved children?

I consider this hysterical laughter not so much disrespectful of your X and her current struggles, but disrespectful of your own relationship with God. This is not funny, and you are not stupid. You realize this is painful to anyone's soul, and you run from pain. Relationship attachments are painful when they are real.


Dvd gf and I have been together for 4 1/2 months. I found laughter, friendship, love and contentment of which I never experienced before

There is no real relationship here... not amongst this easily attained laughter at the expense of another. Your current "contentment" is to have escaped the pain of attachment. All real relationships involve pain and sacrifice. And also, great generosity.

Your attachment style is all about the good times.

How well do you survive inevitable storms of real and deep relationships? When there is pain and discomfort, do you change scenery ... and begin anew, with a light and breezy romance?

There is no wisdom within this mutual laughing at others. Your contentment does not come from achieving something you have worked hard to attain, rather sadly, your contentment is having escaped your relationship quagmire. The escape is temporary.

Wherever you go, there you are. Good for the good times. Gone for the bad.

As for "love" found in you 4 1/2 month romance... what will this love mean to anyone when you feel like running away?

Attachment to a happy love without attachment to the sorrows accompnying that love .... meaningless.

How safe is someone in a relationship with you?

Pep

oh pepper it get's worse .. I just got email from someone on the TOW board about some obnoxious behavior he is doing over there.

I'm new here and can't help but notice (if I may be to project here) that you and your x seem to have major issues! not one of us walks on water, but as an advid archerer you both are missing the MARK!

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: DGNEYES.6 ]</small>

Free may have started it* .. but she also tried to end it and I did see her post before she erased it .. she apologized to you and to the board.

I wish she had left it up.

You continued it, and under this name you are using have posted a song on TOW that you know will bother/needle Free.

That and laughing at people's pain is pretty obnoxious behavior in my book.

way2

*boy doesn't that sound like an arguement between my 7yo and 10yo.

DGNEYES.6 wrote

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Pep et al-

I had coffee with now x-gf last night...sharing our feelings about what we read here...(she reads and posts here as well). At this time we both agree that it's over. We both agreed that I need to continue my course uniterrupted. We were not sexually active (causing no muddy waters, should we, if we are avialable at the time, decide to try again).

Way2-

There is no value for me to be on TOW board (read the board the other evening and shared about Free, as inappropriate as it was)...Free I'm sorry. I have no feelings toward my x whatsoever! Yes, I love her as a sister in Christ
but in terms of emotions for her I have zero!

Free started this whole thing, when someone (ginger86) shared about what was going on in the TOW board, and I just precipitated it...juvenile, yes but as far as "obnoxious behavior" now, I think not...I have too much going on in my life (all positive...My boys, finishing Masters, SAA, My boys, IC, work, moving)

Again, for someone to email you about what they hypothesize (me being obnoxious) is their business (continued bitterness, perhaps) and yours to process and accept or ignore!

Thanks to ALL of you...your guidance (printed out your responses...for greater digestion) Pep, has opened my eyes to what I know the Lord would have me do! I am at great peace with what transpired last night...beyond a feeling! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

What F-ing game are you playing catch22222?

You know "back" buttons on browsers are a wonderful invention and I happen to be reading your catch2222 thread and went to post ot it when I notice you deleted it. So I appended it to my response.

What? Forget which account you were on?

what catch222 said on Path to New Life...A question for ladies
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have 2 teenage boys (16 & 14) from first marriage (none, thankfully with 2nd x) every weekend. They are very responsible and self sufficient . . . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then you became DGNEYES.6 on your own thread. (post #12)

What catch22222/DGNEYES.6 said Where Do I Begin? :
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have 2 daughters with my wife who is a wonderful mother! But lately I've felt this compulsion to be with my LD lover more than I ever have...But we both know the damage we would cause if our paths crossed again.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So who are you and which story is real?

Oh forget it -- I'm not playing your game and hopefully other MBers won't either!

way2

P.S. I've noticed you posted your catch22222 thread on Pre-marriage & The Early Years no bites on your thread yet.. .hopefully no one there will be taken in either.

PPS. Nice try for the save (2 mins. is within the plus or minus leaway for everything to get circulated through a system having posts pass one another)

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>