My question and concern is mainly this. It's been 2 1/2 months since A ended. Of course I still have to see the OM at work every day. I am
very much pursuing a new job but no doors have opened yet. I feel so empty and unlike myself that it scares me. I still cry everyday and just want to feel something other this damn emptiness that I feel!! Any advice would be very much welcome. I'm seeing a therapist, reading, but still can't seem to shake this overwhelming sad feeling that I have.

Lisa have you considered going to a doctor to get a prescription for anti-depressants? They take a week or two to kick in but speaking from personal experience, they DO help. Please think about it.

TMCM

I'm on anti-depressants and have been for probably 3 years. Maybe I need to switch over to something different. I have never felt so out of control of my emotions as I do right now. I hate it!!! I cry at the drop of a hat. I don't even really need a reason. I can be at work sitting in the midst of several co-workers and just all of a sudden tear up!! I have got to get a grip!!!

Lisa you're probably right that it may be to switch anti-d's.

For what it's worth, 2.5 months is still very recent.

Remember Lisa, you've got people (your H and child(ren)) who love you and care for you very much. FIGHT this depression for them and for yourself. You've also got people here who will pray for you and all the others who are in pain. You are NOT alone.

God bless you and your loved ones.

TMCM

Thank you so much for your concern and prayers. They mean so much to me, I mean that!! Last night I was on line reading some of the posts on MB and my husband made the comment that I was being stupid for coming to this web site and that I was "looking for trouble" by talking to people about the A. I guess he doesn't trust me, which I understand, and he thinks that I'm trying to strike some internet relationship now. He is a very closed off person when it comes to problems and prefers to just "wish" them away. I can't talk to him about the pain I feel. It makes him uncomfortable nor will he express his pain to me.
I guess that's why I feel so alone these days.

I can understand your H not wanting to talk about the affair and preferring to forget about it in the hopes that this will heal him. Sadly it is a very common trait among us men so don't take it personally.

As far as helping him to trust you that you are not trying to get an internet relationship started, you might want to consider telling him that he is welcomed to see whatever you are viewing when you are using the computer. If he sees that you are open book to him with nothing to hide, his trust in you will gradually start to return and hopefully he will start to feel safe to open up himself to you as well.

Lisa,

I have been in your situation and I know how it feels. Be patient with yourself and give it time (I know it sounds like a cliché, but it's very true)… 2.5 months is still very early in recovery. It took MONTHS before my withdrawal and the fog started to lift and on one stage I was thinking I will never get passed it, but here I am today and I can honestly tell you it DOES get better! Seek God’s strength and ask Him to help you get through this... I understand it’s difficult if you can’t discuss your A and feelings with your H (it was the same with me), and therefore it is very important and will be of great help if you can confide in an outside person like a trusting friend, your Pastor or a counselor. Even if it’s just to talk to someone and get your feelings out! Anti-d’s for depression, anxiety and obsessive thoughts was very helpful to me. So really consider switching to another anti-dep or increase your dose...discuss this with your medical doctor as soon as possible. One other thing you must remember is that it will take longer for you to recover and get through withdrawal if you still have to see OM every day at work… I also work at the same company as OM and there is always the possibility to have accidental contact with him (luckily it didn’t happen during the last 3 months!). Recovery is still possible with accidental contact, but it will definately take longer… If you can’t get another job, isn’t there ANY way you can avoid seeing him or prevent it, or, if not possible, at least reduce the chances or amount of times you have to see him at work?

I will pray for you&#8230; Stay strong for yourself, your H and you children&#8230; And remember, experiences like this are very hard, but it's part of the "lessons" in life and only makes us more mature and stronger! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Suzet

<small>[ December 03, 2003, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>

Lisa,

I am a FWW who is 2 years past it all. I also still work with OM. Have been trying to find other employment but due to family issues it&#8217;s not possible at this time. Hang in there.

I remember when I was at the place you are now. I felt sick to my stomach every day. I just prayed for strength each day to help me make it through. It does get easier. For me it was important to go to my boss and explain what happened as to help my H feel a little better with the work situation.

Just focus on you and try to be positive and you&#8217;ll get through it. My H and I are still trying to work through our issues and are trying to hang on to our M. It&#8217;s still a rough road, but we are trying.

Please know that you are not alone. Be strong.

Thank you all so much for the responses.

Jaimee

Unfortunately, 80% of the office, including my
boss knows about the A. I think that's a lot of my issue too. I feel like everyone looks at me differently now, which I'm sure they do. The "buzz" of the office is that the OM, who has had 4 A's including me, preyed upon me. That really makes me feel better!! I will never ever trust myself or another man who tries to come across as a concerned friend.

Lisa,

I understand. Most of the people I work with knew what happened, as well. That&#8217;s difficult. But what I did, was stand my ground and talked with my boss and the OM. He knew that we were to not have any contact except if necessary.

It&#8217;s been two years and things have much improved. I became stronger and actually some of the other people at my work did come and talk to me and offer support. Our stories are weirdly similar in the fact that people felt that this OM preyed upon me somewhat too. Now, two years past it&#8217;s not even a mention around here anymore. I&#8217;ve changed so much and my relationships at work have changed. I have no bad feelings for the OM. I feel nothing for him.

It was hard for a long time because every day when I came to work I am reminded of the choices that I made that have put my marriage in jeopardy. That part is getting better, but I still want to eventually find new employment.

Stay Strong.

Jaimee