Where in the bible does it say that you are to put your spouse before your children in the area of priorities?
thanks

The Bible doesn't explicitly make such an assertion that I am aware of, however, it does imply that marriage should model the relationship of Jesus and his Church.

I doubt that you would disagree that the Church should put anyone above Jesus.

That being the case, you should elevate your spouse to the number 2 position in your life. You can probably guess who should be Number 1 (with a capital N).

Low

Somewhere in Ephesians-maybe the 6th chapter- speaks about how a household should be setup. I don't have my Bible with me. It talks about the children's role and the husband and wife roles.

Putting the children first was a major problem in my marriage.

The Harleys have a new book about this problem.

I know this doesn't answer your question but I think putting our children first in my life helped create the atmosphere for my H's As.

As soon as our sons got old enough to want/need to spend time with their father, he was always too busy or too tired. I ended up being the one to play catch in the yard or take them to movies or the park. My H was busy playing golf or hunting/fishing. I put them to bed and read stories. I helped with their homework and spoke with their teachers. I shopped for school clothes and birthday/Christmas presents.

With work, college classes, the kids, and household responsibilities, I know my H was my last priority. I thought "he's an adult and if he needs/wants anything, he will tell me." I was wrong. He never said anything until after he confessed his As. Then he blasted me for every EN that I didn't satisfy. He was even angry that I asked our sons how their day was or what they did in school. I couldn't believe he could be jealous of my attention to our sons but he was.

When he found someone that paid attention to him at work, he didn't hestitate beginning a PA. He has now had two PAs, both with female coworkers who flirted and built up his ego. He said he needed someone to pay attention to him. He said he needed the affection and conversation they were willing to share with him -- things he wasn't getting from me.

This was the story for me too, TOO FAR.

I'm struggling to work on RECOVERY for my mistakes.

My FWH continues to show jealousy of my sons. I'm learning to give him the attention and conversation that he needs. I got out of practice. I'm thankful to get another chance. What's weird is that my sons are now jealous of him. I know now that there is something wrong with this picture.

Jcchick

The Bible plainly states in many verses that through marriage the husband and wife become one flesh. Meaning they become as one in thought and action. Nothing comes before the husband and wife in terms of priority in a marriage.

Unfortunately some people put their children ahead of their spouse. In doing so they create an atmosphere for affairs and divorce to occur because the emotional needs of their spouse are not met. If you have an opportunity to reconcile with your H to save your marriage due to neglect then by all means do so. Children are the happiest when their parents are together in a loving relationship.

Beau

I just adore my little children. And my wife is a terrific mother. Unfortunately, as far as priorities are concerned, I come in a distant third. We have discussed this issue, and she candidly states her philosophy that, of course the children are a mother's first priority. The husband's role is to provide sperm and $$$. It's always been my philosophy that the children are best served when their parents put each other (not the children) first.

BEALL:

I wish I could hit your wife with a MB 2X4. She needs a warning that I wished someone had been kind enough to give me before I started neglecting my FWH.

I think people can help you more if you can identify which needs aren't being met...

what role you play in taking care of the children to lighten the load..or is she uneccessarily taking on more than she needs and then being unable to be with you...
"martyr mom!!"

sonofWF response was dead on...when both spouses view parenting and it's chores as equal...then both work together at meeting their needs so there is time left for eachother as well...

what are your unmet needs exactly...

I have little children...5, 4, and 2...
so I know they are demanding...but I have a husband who takes on just as much as me in meeting their needs...and we leave both work to leave time for one another...

To illicit change your best place to start is with you and where you can lighten her load to meet your needs....not power struggling with the idea of who comes first...(not saying that is what you are doing..just pointing out the futility of any power struggle...)

more feedback please...

please please please please please...see I'm begging like a two year old to make you feel right at home.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ARK who has two year old begging down to a science...

If Beall's wife is like I was, it does not matter what he does, he is second to the kids.

My FWH helped me immensely with the kids!!! I still did not put him first. I took him for granted and expected him to continue helping me without leaving time and energy for him. What I am saying is, sometimes it's a mindset, a point of view that needs to be changed.

Hopefully, unlike my FWH, Beall will be open a share with his wife how he is feeling neglected. My FWH just went off and wrongfully got his needs met elsewhere by some young thing who gave him all of her attention.

Sorry guys I'm all confused...
and didn't mean to threadjack..

jcchick...it would help if you were more specific...if you are spinning your wheels to the point you have no time left for your husband...then that is an issue...

if your husband is making demands at times that can not be based on logistic then that is another issue...

ARK

A mother most always puts the children first. I help out with the kids now more then before the A and the W still will not leave the kids. We went to disney for a week last summer as a family, and i'am planning a 4 night 20th anniversary getaway to the carribean in a private home with private beach. She don't want to go, and leave the kids. they are 6, 10 and 13. Grandma will watch them. still i hear "I feel bad leaving them". I guess its just maternal instinct.

Wokeup

You have a good plan to get your W away for a few days. The kids are old enough to have a few days with grandma. Worst case they can call on the phone. Don't let her back out.

Beau

The problem is not that one person puts the children first, but that the other person puts him or herself first. If both parents put the children's welfare first, neither would ever have an affair nor desert the family.