I have the same post on A/B but I am anxious to get feedback so I am posting here as well. Hope you don't mind.

Today I stopped by by SIL's house where my WH is staying. Our D is visiting with him during the holidays. My excuse was to get a DVD that he had borrowed and was due back at rental place. Nice short visit - maybe 20 minutes. I was very upbeat, mostly I talked to SIL but WH in room most of time. He was kind of sulky. His sister said he had been that way all day. I acted very concerned. Asked if he was sick. Even checked his temp by feeling his head and neck. Hee, hee. He and D walked me to car. I still acted very concerned for his health. He thanked me. Just a lttle while ago I IMd him trying to talk to our D. She was busy playing with her cousins and didn't want talk. No biggie really to me. He asked if I thought she loved him. I said yes. He thanked me for that. Asked me if I wanted to go to church tomorrow as a family. Said yes then he started waffling a little bc my oldest D (his step)wants us to go to her church but that upsets her dad. (short version - her dad is a pain to us all) WH just doesn't want to cause trouble. Anyway he had interrupted this message 3 times already to IM me some more. I think I would like to go to church. He also wants us all to go see Cheaper by the Dozen, new Steve Martin movie. (4th interruption) What do you think? I continue to need guidance. Red Hat gave me some good advice - that I am the "OW" right now and I need to do what I need to do. Input? (5th interrupt) He also wants to play online pool later. Suggestions? (6th interrupt)

If you are in plan A and can handle the contact then you will know if it feels ok. You sound like you can handle contact. The question is, is it productive for your M or enabling the A?

How is are your daughters doing with their dad? R they old enough to speak their mind? R U ok with that?

L.

<small>[ December 27, 2003, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Oh yeah, I can handle what the girls do. Oldest D is just fine. Youngest D asked about going to therapy about 6 months ago. Can you believe an 8 year old asking about that? So we started taking her. So she is now doing pretty well.

I think I can do this. I tried A once before and was successful before I started pushing for more of my EN to be met. He wasn't quite ready and it all fell apart. I have learned a lot since then and to be honest, right now I am okay with where we are at. Not nearly so desperate. I still love him and believe in him and I don't think he has ever forgotten that. We'll see.

The question is, is it productive for your M or enabling the A?

This is the big question. How do I know? What are the signs? It "feels" okay right now. Is that good?