My h has never shown remorse for his affairs...except when he didn't get hired by United one time. Then he was just sobbing about how horrible he was and how he had let me down. <P>Now however, everything is still my fault...and our marriage of 21 years was this huge mistake. Whatever. On with the divorce. I am tired.

Every day that passes, and she shows no remorse, makes it harder to believe she ever will.<P>If we do divorce, and she wants 1/2 of everything - that is fine with me. We are in so much debt that she can take half of it. We'll both be in the red. She's better off just cutting it off and leaving me with everything. The ratio of income is probably 10,000:1 anyway. She worked a few jobs, but for the most part, sits at home and chats all day - looking for new affairs. She can have the debt. I am about finished.

My H did not show remorse for months, I would estimate about 5 months before a sign of real remorse and one apology. Prior to that, he would occasionally say something just close enough in front of the MC to pass as "taking responsibility". In truth, though, I think he has only been truly remorseful in the past couple of months and clearly taken responsibility in the past few weeks. It could be that H thinks he hit these milestones much, much earlier, but if he did, I certainly did not hear those messages.<P>We are within ten days of the first anniversary of d-day #1 and still together. But I can honestly say that apologizing and showing real remorse would have helped things along far quicker, I am certain. I suppose I should count my blessings - he did eventually apologize and show remorse genuinely.<P>Good luck to you all!<P>------------------<BR>Never give up. Never, never give up.<BR>~ Winston Churchill

As the WS, sometimes I wonder if it's horrible that i don't feel remorseful over having the EMR. (Which lasted over 3 yrs btw) It's been a looooooong time since d-day here (over 2 yrs) and H and I are trying to somehow put the pieces back together (mostly by ignoring major issues I guess).<P>Initially, I was remorseful that it was found out, though as other WS will sometimes admit, it's also a big relief to just have it all out in the open in some crazy sense. <P>Since I felt so hurt and abandoned by many things that happened in our marriage, at the time I didn't feel remorseful about actually having the affair at all. I felt it was justified. <P>Fast forward to today... I still can't discard the hurt, it's almost as strong today as 2 yrs+ ago. I now feel remorseful for choosing to do something that hurt H deeply and remorseful for the potential impact it could have had upon my children. <P>BUT.. I still don't regret having met a man that brought me a bit of laughter and happiness on a daily basis for so many years, that rebuilt my self-esteem and confidence, that took the time to actually get to know the REAL me.<P>Yes, today I am faithful, honest and loyal. I have my family, the house, the 3 cars, the 2 himalayan cats and the 2 golden retrievers and I'm doing what I have to do to preserve this family. And I am alone and lonely and remorseful that life isn't always what you think it will be. <P>And sometimes it hurts to know that out there is a really great person that someone will scoop up and marry someday. <P>For now, I can only dream and hope that someday this marriage can be truly change and become as fulfilling.<P>Sorry for the really blue post.. really down tonight, really alone tonight as H is 2000 miles away. (as usual)

My W (WS) was remorseful and full of guilt. She even said that during the whole A (3+ months) she was full of guilt. This brings me to ask how the A continued with all this guilt, but that's another question for another day. She said it was the guilt that caused her to end it on her own and confess. I guess I should be grateful for that.<P>She's still feeling very guilty today and can't forgive herself. I have to be honest, deep down somewhere I guess I'm glad, but I've told her several times she has to forgive herself and realize she is human and capable of error. <P>But, back to the topic, she was remorseful and apologized alot. We are 5 months past d-day and things are going well. She just recently told me she's in love w/ me again and tells me "I love you" first (she never did that before, even pre d-day) <P><P>------------------<BR>...Keeping a stiff upper lip. Life begins on the other side of despair.<BR>-Scarlet Pumpernickle<BR>s_pumpernickle@yahoo.com

I just found out the truth about my H's affair with my former best friend. While it happened 6 years ago, I just found out 2 months ago. The pain is awful. I hate that he lied for that long, and would have continued if I didn't force the issue in counseling.<P>Now he says he's sorry, is guilty, etc. But for now, it's hard to remember as I mostly remember him looking me in the eyes and saying "I have NEVER been with anybody since we got married" just last fall and winter. I knew he wasn't telling the truth but I had no idea how "deep" the affair had really gotten. She never did acknowledge the affair or take responsibility for her part in it. <P>He keeps saying he was wrong and selfish, but I have yet to see him show ANY emotion over it. I saw him cry plenty over her while it was happening, but he hasn't shed one tear in all of my grieving, etc. <P>I'm grateful he's home now and sorry. But because of all of the lies, I don't trust him yet.

how do you know if the ws is remorsful/repentant? just saying i know what i did was wrong don't mean much to me.---joy<p>[This message has been edited by need2know (edited August 23, 2001).]

i am in the same spot. my wife has cried three times with me and they all concerned her lose of her !@#!@#. i promise myself there will not be a fourth... love,joy,peace<P>He keeps saying he was wrong and selfish, but I have yet to see him show ANY emotion over it. I saw him cry plenty over her while it was happening, but he hasn't shed one tear in all of my grieving, etc. <P>I'm grateful he's home now and sorry. But because of all of the lies, I don't trust him yet.[/B][/QUOTE]<P>