I feel like $h!t today. I goofed up two weeks ago by talking to my MIL about my H and I own personal business. FIL approached H at work yesterday to talk about it. (MIL and FIL are divorced). BIL heard from MIL and told FIL our business.<P>H got mad at me last night and then left. I called MIL and FIL and told them to mind their own fu(k’n business. H then comes back to talk and demands I call both of them back to apologize, I did. But H and I never talked. –I feel like I really don’t care anymore. I’ve tried and tried but I just can’t do anything right. I’m always fu(k’n something up… I give up. He would probably be better off without me, anyway. <P>He called from a payphone after he left for the night and said he will see me tomorrow. I’m thinking of telling him to stay away for awhile. Maybe permanently. I’m just a fu(k up.<P>I have apologized to my H.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by M&J (edited August 30, 2001).]

sorry MJ --<BR>Its a tough situation.<P>My H was at the end of his rope, and wanted to somehow reach me. He wasn't being successful in getting me to talk. He had lots of suspicions, and decided to pour his heart out to my mother. He says its because he hoped she would talk to me. He says he thought I needed someone to talk to, and this would prompt a big heart to heart between me and my mom.<P>It was a really really really bad move on his part. <P>1) He made my mother really uncomfortable.<BR>2) He made me really angry.<BR>3) He damaged the relationship between me and my parents.<P>I really feel that no matter how "close" he felt to my parents, he should have respected my bond with them. They should be MY support system before they are HIS. Know what I mean? If he felt a need to pour out his guts, it should not have been to someone close to me.<P>Anyways, I hope you can look at this calmly and realize you have a role in his anger. You invited them into the situation by talking to MIL. You should not call them and tell them to mind their own F-ing business when YOU where the one to get them involved in the first place. You can't control what people do with the information you give them. In this case, your H's parents are coming down on him because of what YOU did. So deal with that.<P>My opinion is that you owe him an apology. <P><BR>

You are not a screw up! Sure, you've made some poor decisions, but you felt it necessary at the time. You can't change what you did, but you can learn from it, and not do something like that again.<P>I too, opened up to my inlaws about my H's A's. Needless to say, they were crushed. I told far too many people. I wish I had had the strength not to, but I didn't. I also didn't know about MB at the time.<P>As it turns out, my having the need to talk to others about our marital problems was a big part in the bad environment prior to H's A's. We're back together now, and I've learned to keep my mouth shut. Trust me, that was HARD to do... but I'm doing it! <P>Although with your inlaws knowing what's going on, it could cause problems for reconciliation, at the same time, it's a good thing. The A is now exposed more. That will shoot your H into reality for a while. <P>So, what's done is done. You can't change that. Just learn from it, and try not to do it again.<P>Karen<BR>

Lexxxy, I thought you were going to quit posting?<P>Thanks Topie25, but I am a total screw up.<P>I'm going to tell my H that I'm giving up. I mean it is really obvious that I cannot make him happy. Besides I'm emotionally drained.

Don't give up just because of this. I agree that it's a mistake hoping the WS parents (or other close persons) will "talk some sense into" the WS, where the BS could not. And yet, if the A continues until a plan B or divorce occurs, it's inevitable these issues will come out. The in-laws are then owed some kind of explanation.<P>And I'm dreading it. I have a real good relationship with FIL and one BIL, average with the other BIL, and pretty good with her two sisters. They all respect me. But this will rip things up. In the meantime, I limit my drunken shoulder-crying to my brother, stationed in Hawaii away from everybody else I know. <P>Anyway, you apologized. But all you did was jump the gun a little bit. If your H wants to come back then be open to that.<P>- Tom

should i? <BR>yikes...sorry.

Oh, M&J, I'm sorry you feel like you screwed things up beyond repair. Not to worry. What's done is done. You apologized to his parents. That's the best you can do.<P>Your husband was embarrassed because his cover was blown. I'm not sure what all is going on with you, but if he was pretending that everything was A-OK with you guys but meanwhile treating you like crap, you're only human and you can only take so much. I say give yourself a break.<P>Stop talking to yourself like that! I mean it! That kind of self-talk is not healthy for you! Stop beating yourself up (emotionally), H is already doing a fine job of that as it is! Enough already!!!<P>Try talking to yourself this way instead, "Okay, I blew it, I really messed up bigtime. I'm in a tough situation and I let it get the best of me. I cracked. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't resist the temptation. I have apologized to my in-laws. I forgive myself and I believe my husband will forgive me as well." <P>Next, ask God for your husband's forgiveness and receive it by faith so that the next time you talk to your husband, you won't be feeling like such a failure. You are human! We all make mistakes. Don't tell him to stay away. You guys need to talk. I believe God will turn things around. Keep the faith! Don't give up on yourself!!!

Thanks everyone for posting.<P>My H has forgiven me,but I don't know if I can forgive myself. Let alone forget it.<P>I didn't tell them about the A. The OW told his mother the following morning after he told me. So that has been a year. I told his father shortly there after.I just told my MIL that he was moving out for a while and that it was a mutual thing.<P>Anyway I probably will not post anymore because H doesn't want me spreading our business around. But I can still lurk. <P>Good-bye... <P>

You don't want to be a love buster! I'm sure everything will work out for you. Take it easy and I can't speak for everyone else, but I surely understand... Have a good holiday weekend and be nice to yourself! You're worth it!<P>If you aren't nice to you, who can you really depend on to be good to you--well, besides the Lord? You are all you've got! So please, be kind to yourself!