Hi DJ,<p>WAY TO GO GIRL !!!<p>I am very proud of you right now !! I do understand how hard it was to send that letter.And I agree with everyone, he may have gotten the letter and is putting on the heat. But, maybe he did not. Continue to avoid all contact and if after next week, when you are POSITIVE he received the letter, he continues to try and contact you, perhaps another, more assertive letter is in order.You can always threaten to call his wife if he does, but I know you do not want to hurt her ( He is doing a pretty good job of that by himself... do you think he also invited the OOW to the party ? ). Heal a little yourself before you write the apology letter to her.It took me a month, maybe more before I wrote it.Forgiveness is a big step in the healing process. Asking for and giving.I asked his W for forgiveness, I have forgiven myself ,and I have forgiven him. I cannot write him a forgiveness letter, as he would take that as a sign of a possible reconciliation ( I do know him!)So, in my heart I have forgiven.I regret the whole mess,but I cannot beat myself up forever over it.
You wil get to that point.
Now, back to you......... what is DJ doing for DJ during all this turmoil ? The party is today, so please go out and do something special for yourself.He can clean up his own messes from the party, and he needs to.I imagine he will call today for something, just to "throw you a bone"....just to keep you there. See him for what he is DJ. Think if this was your birthday party and he invited the woman he was having an affair with .Tacky.......<p>Love yourself; we all kinda like you around here !!
Have a great day today.<p>Mary

Y'know, DJ, I had a thought about his "party" idea......<p>Think about it: He tells you she is NOT dealing well with her 40th. THEN he wants to have YOU show up as the architect of this *wonderful* let's-celebrate-the-fact-my-wife-hates-that-she's-turning-40 event?!?!?!?! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It almost sounds like he wants to "SHOVE his W's face in it" in a manner of speaking, THEN watch her LB all over the place, and "justify" himself while he packs and leaves her! What a treasure.<p>AND he is willing to USE YOU to do it!!!!!! What a piece of work he sounds like.<p>I hope I'm wrong. In either case, it's a good thing you are FAR away from this debacle.

djmusicbox,<p>I didn't get the chance to read ALL of the responses to your original post. Maybe you did come to the right place after all. You were a very BRAVE woman to come on this website as you did. Thank the Lord, my husband has never cheated on me. I just wanted to comment on the statement you made in one of your earlier responses. Maybe this will help you put your current situation in perspective. You said that you know God didn't give you a married man but you didn't understand why he made you fall in love with one. God DID NOT make you fall in love with him! The enemy comes to "Kill, Steal, and Destroy". This affair was not God's will, but rather Satan working to destroy a marriage. You were simply his tool. Harsh but true.<p>I commend you for doing the right thing. And God will forgive you for what has already happened if you just ask him. You have probably already done this though. Now, forgive yourself and MOVE ON with your life! Others have given you some good advice on how to accomplish this.

DJ, I've missed a few pages, but I'm still following you some.<p>Do you mind starting another thread? This one is just too blamed long-LOL. Actually it wouldn't matter except for newbies who might be in the same situation you were in.<p>I'm very proud of your determination and the fact that you sent the letter.<p>Your MM is a brownie with lots of nuts in it. I think he's psycho...watch out for him. He's not as good at his game now, is he? He's losing his grip...on everything!!! Yay!!! He will be a broken man after this...and that is where we make the most beneficial changes, at rock bottom.<p>You are not hurting him...he's hurting himself and you just happen to be the splinter that HAS to come out.<p>Keep going and separate yourself out of this situation, emotionally so you can do what needs to be done.<p>Hoping

Hang in, DJ. Stand back and look at this story; what would you think of it if you saw it in Dear Abby?<p>This man is torturing his wife, DJ. This is absolutely pure,refined abuse he's dishing out to her. He's trying to use YOU to hurt her even further..... just as he started using OOW to hurt you....and test the limits of your unthinking devotion...<p>You have done the right thing. As time goes by, you'll be able to separate the real MM from DJ's fantasy MM. You're going to be okay.

Hi Dj,<p>Just thinking about you and wondering how the NC is going? Maybe it's time to retire this thread and start a new one! What do ya think?

Hello all, <p>A big thank you to everyone for your cheers and continued support of my decision to send the NC letter. I know it was the right thing to do.<p>Want2FixIt, we must have been on the same wavelength...just as I was logging into the computer, I thought about starting a new thread...funny you should suggest it! <p>Hoping4future, I agree....this thread is WAY too long!! (In case anyone is still interested, I'll update in a new thread soon.)<p>But first, I'd like to comment on some of the recent replies:<p>Juanita and MaryRN, you've both been through this situation and are so familiar with the manipulation, the pain and the healing. I hope I can be as successful as you two have been in getting my life back together. Some days I wish I could just disappear and re-appear as a new person in a new life. (Kind of like Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock in Star Trek...I'm ready for Scotty to bean me some place new!)<p>As Juststartingover said, I'm beginning to separate the real guy from the fantasy guy that stole my heart. From what I can tell, he doesn't follow many (if ANY) of the MB concepts in his marriage. At one point, my fog was so thick that I admired him for so many reasons...I no longer do.<p>Lupolady, Shaila, and Blissfulorbust, thank you for your input also. There are so many helpful people here who are willing to share their time and advice. I appreciate all of you!!

Great! Glad to hear you are getting through each day. I hope it gets easier day by day. I'll look for a new thread soon but won't be back until next week. I might be able to read, but not post this weekend.<p>Warm Regards

W2FI:
In case you get to read this....have a Happy Father's Day and a safe, great trip!! Enjoy!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

dj,<p>Glad you're still around!!!! Thanks for your note the other day....I stayed connected....now I'm hoping to get out on schedule Sunday. Stay strong, you remain in my prayers!

Star,<p>I'm happy to see that you are still connected! Thank you for your kind words. You've been such a help to me and I greatly appreciate it. I am managing, day by day. <p>I wish the best for you. Please remember that you and your family have my prayers. Take care and keep in touch!

DJ,<p>I have an idea. You know, you are no longer the OW. I think you should start a new thread in honor of your new status. You can learn alot here about how to make a marriage successful. Why not drop the OW label and join in and make the best of where you are now. You did it sweetie, and I think you have alot you can share with others. hugs

Oh and DJ.....why not name it something like....OW NO MORE!!! You did the right thing, and I know it was very hard, but you are writing a new chapter of your life now, and I think it's time to leave behind that thread.....even symbolically....I think it might help.