I'm surprised by how little discussion there is about managing sexuality through perimenopause and menopause. It seems to be hitting a good number of other couples I know too, and I was not prepared for how much it can affect a woman's sexuality. Sure, many women even experience an increase in libido, but generally, most women experience a decrease, and too many experience a complete loss of sexual desire for reasons having nothing to do with lovebusters and the other topics discussed here. I'm not new to the problem, many of my friends in middle age are experiencing the same thing -- women "shutting down" in otherwise seemingly good relationships.

Are there resources here on that? I couldn't find much. I was interested in the Marriagebuilders take on it, having been on this forum a few years back.

Based on what I've learned in therapy and other expert sources in recent years, I feel somewhat misled by the marriagebuilders advice which seemed to suggest that the main and generally "only" blockages to passionate lovemaking were all emotional -- lovebusters, not meeting emotional needs, etc., and that every person is otherwise a nuclear erotic matchine only waiting to be unleashed. Not so, apparently. There are too many causes for ED and results of menopause that have nothing to do with the remedies suggested in marriage builders.

Please set me straight if I have the wrong idea. One thing that prompts me to say this is that I can see from other couples my own age that I'm not alone by any means. Is marriage builders only for young people?

You might want to email Dr Harley directly at the radio show and get his feedback. I can't relate to your comments at all because sexual desire for me, as with most women, is an emotional desire, not a physical desire. What creates desire in me in frequent romantic dates. I went through menopause 10 years ago and it didn't affect my sexual desire at all because I was in love with my husband.

How many dates are you getting in every week? Can you post your date schedule for last week?

Thank you for your response!

Yes, it's my understanding that menopause has different effects on individual women. Some, like yourself, may experience no change, or even an increase in desire. But many experience a decrease in desire, arousal, and sex may become painful due to dryness and thinning of the walls. The emotion of being in love can't necessarily overcome these difficulties, similar to the way a man cannot overcome ED by simply being in love. At least this is what I've heard from experts and been told by women who are in menopause.

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I was prompted to post here as a followup years later because it's a pattern I now see with a number of couples my same age who are going through the same thing. And so I was surprised that Marriagebuilders doesn't address it more prominently. I do get the feeling it's because Marriagebuilders deals mostly with young people, not so much boomers in 2019.

How often do we have date nights? About 2 per week.

I am not surprised at all since it rarely comes up. The reason is almost always because the couple has fallen out of love so falling in love can resolve it. I think it is an issue for you and you feel it must affect more couples. I don't believe so. Even so, there is nothing stopping you from seeking help for your specific problem from Dr Harley. You have a history of coming here and complaining that "Marriage Builders doesn't address...." when you can just as easily ask him for help.


Just as I suspected, not enough to sustain the romantic love in a marriage. It takes 15 hours per week of undivided attention to maintain romantic love and 20 to create. My suggestion would be to actually TRY Marriage Builders before you rule it out. You don't seem to even have a basic understanding of the program.

**EDIT**

Moderator's note: the purpose of this forum is to help posters understand the Marriage Builders program. It is not a platform for personal philosophies. Please stick to Marriage Builders concepts or refrain from posting. Thank you

Please take the time to familiarize yourself with the concepts of Marriage Builders before posting. This is not a platform for personal philosophies. Email me with any questions. Thank you.

I am 65 and have been on HRT for years now. I had a hysterectomy at 30. I suffered for yrs with side effects of hormone loss.I thankfully found a Naturopath who is very knowledgeable about HRT. I can tell you marriage builders does work with many older couples and Dr. Harley has addressed hormone issues. Including testosterone for men.And painful intercourse for women. My issues have never been lack of desire but rather physical issues and again Dr. Harley does discuss those issues. Take a bit more time to read forum posts and articles written by Dr. Harley.