Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
Sry if my English is not so good

Well i am 30 y and he is 38 y old, and we have 2 childs 3y and 10 y. We have been together 15 years.
And 3 months ago i find his bank account that he is been in a spa hotell in a day time. At night when he was comeing home, i asked him what is that? He was like are you snooping on me? Was a little bit shoked, and then he said that he just wanted to be alone and actually he is thinking to separate in a while and just wanted to think and relax alone what to do next. I was asking many of times is there someone else, but he tells that there isnt. And i didnt find anything more him phone, emails nothing. And at the night time he is with children and me at home. day time at work. she said to me very offensive things like he want himself a thin women, that he can be proud of her. Why i m not wearing attractive clothes at home and he doesnt like when i m screaming on childrens. and i was hurting him couple of times when to disdain others. I feel very bad myself that i was saying bad things for him. I was saying that im terrible sry about that but i cant chanced it anymore what i did but i can promise to you that i will never to this again. He said that he want to think about our relationship and will get his things and go to a friends apartment for couple of days. But before that, he was kissing and hugging me. and sayd not to panic, because he is sure that everything will be normal again. But he just dont now any more how he feels. That he loves me but this feeling is not so strong anymore. Then he left and came back at night and said he dont want to separate now and he is sure that the feeling will come back. He again gave me attention and it seemed like everything will be normal again. And allso he said that our sex is like within the borders. i wanted that he will explain to me what he means about that, what he wants then? he said couple of things and i allso. I have done this things and he is not doing this things what i wanted. he wanted that i show iniative, i was doing that but many times he say to me not tonight i m too tired or my stomach hurts and so on. last time when i was going and he tell me that his head aches, i started to cry. and asked himselt that i m thinner and dressing differently. do you see that? He said yes. i was saying but why you dont tell me that then? he said that it has to come naturally. and he hoped that feeling will come back faster but it has come a little bit. this feeling cant come back if he dont let me to fill him lovebank. he is like stressed and thining about his work all the time. 3 months are since the day he comed back. Now i get here her needs and his needs and trying to figure out these. i just dont know what to do more beacause i feel like someone is burning at me.

Last edited by Chloe1; 05/07/19 03:21 AM.

khggdg
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Hi Chloe, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry but your husband is having an affair. Don't ask him, just please quietly snoop on him and get evidence of his affair. Find out everything you can about his mistress. When you do this, don't confront him, but come back here and we will help you save your marriage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
I have watched his phone, emails and where heś going but dont find anything. Mayby he just cheated me once? and not haveing affair anymore? it could be possible


khggdg
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Chloe1
I have watched his phone, emails and where heś going but dont find anything. Mayby he just cheated me once? and not haveing affair anymore? it could be possible

No, he is having an affair. He can easily delete phone calls and emails. Can you buy spyware to put on his phone? What about a voice activated recorder and a GPS in his car?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Chloe1
I have watched his phone, emails and where heś going but dont find anything.

How exactly are you watching all this? And does he know?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
i find out that there is another woman, what i have to do next. He said that he have to say her that she have to answer this woman how they will continue next monday. her or me? and he dont know yet what to decide


khggdg
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
this relationship with antother woman as lasted for 8 months. please tell me what to do. I dont want my family will be destroyed and i really love him


khggdg
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 783
Likes: 4
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 783
Likes: 4
How did they meet, is she a colleague? Is she married or in a relationship? Do you know her name?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Chloe1
i find out that there is another woman, what i have to do next. He said that he have to say her that she have to answer this woman how they will continue next monday. her or me? and he dont know yet what to decide

Who is the woman? Do you have her name? Where did he meet her? Is she married? Does she have a facebook account?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
no she is not married any more. she has 4 childrens and younger is only 2 years old.
she has been married for 2 mens and separated. My man is in love with her. But allso me too. And dont know what to do, I dont have her fb account and name allso.
He met her at job


khggdg
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Chloe, get her name and find her on Facebook. Find out if she is still married. Where did you get this information about her?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
my own men told me this information. I was searching with his emails and i allso now the woman name and everything. She is single.


khggdg
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
i watched fb account allso. She is 10 years older than me. I dint told that my man because he didnt want that i found out the name

Last edited by Chloe1; 05/08/19 07:48 AM.

khggdg
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Chloe, are you married?

Originally Posted by Chloe1
i watched fb account allso. She is 10 years older than me. I dint told that my man because he didnt want that i found out the name

I would search her facebook page to see if you can spot a husband. While you do that, you need to collect the names of her family and friends and save it for safekeeping.

Affairs thrive on secrecy so what we advise that you do is expose this affair wide and far. It is no guarantee but it is your greatest weapon in killing the affair and saving your marriage. It should be exposed to all your family, close friends, her facebook friends and to the Human resource department at his job. Exposure is the most effective way to kill an affair. If he will not end his affair in 3 weeks, you need to find a way to separate from him.

Staying with him under these conditions, where he is getting his needs met by TWO women not only makes you look unattractive to him, but it will tear you down emotionally and physically, making you even less attractive.

Please go read this thread and come back and we can help you with next steps: Exposure


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
i have searched but didnt met my man. No we are not married but been together 15 years and have 2 kids.
the other woman has told him that he have to decide me or her. Until end of this weekend. because this cant last anymore like this.


khggdg
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
what i can do, i really want my family will stay together and i really love him. Should i just wait 4 days or do something?


khggdg
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Chloe1
i have searched but didnt met my man. No we are not married but been together 15 years and have 2 kids.
the other woman has told him that he have to decide me or her. Until end of this weekend. because this cant last anymore like this.

Ok, so that does change things and makes it a little more difficult. I would focus on separating from him and getting good legal advice. Can you consult with an attorney?

Since you are not married, exposure is not going to be the powerful tool it would be in most cases. Why did you never get married?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Chloe1
what i can do, i really want my family will stay together and i really love him. Should i just wait 4 days or do something?

I would pack his bags now and ask him to leave. Competing for him with this woman makes you look less attractive. I would find out today what your legal rights are in your country. Can you do that?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
No he is with me know and does not contact this other woman anymore. And have to decide Friday. Before its was next monday but know i told that i m not can a wait longer until friday. And if he stays with me he then have to say this other woman good bye that we can continue to rebuild our love again. have to stop this affair immitedly. He asked my that can i forget this affair ? i said that i have to if we wanna continue and you too. This is not love, the just crushed on her. And if he is not contact this woman any more, then his deep feling will come back. Im really sure about that. But only if we bought want that.


khggdg
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
C
Chloe1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 29
50% house is on my name. and childrens will stay with me if he leave. i wont take him back if he leave and realize couple of weeks or month later that he want to come back. then its over. Our family is destroyed then


khggdg
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 120 guests, and 54 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
cbm800, Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P.
71,728 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,546
Posts2,322,791
Members71,729
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5