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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 2 |
Hey Everyone,
I have been with my husband for 14 years, 5 of those married. We have 2 kids 16 months and 7 years old. I dont know when things went a stray but the sex in our marriage is boring and unexciting now. I have told my husband that it happens and its normal but he is being all depressed about it and affecting the way things are between us in a whole. Ever since i had kids my sex drive has dropped dramatically and i have never really been able to get it back but he is acting like the world is ending and the sky is falling. I do not know what to do and i am a fairly shy person so having to initiate it in such an awkward state that we are in i am unsure about. How do we get the spark back in the marriage because right now i dont know how much longer we will last. If anyone else has or is going through the same thing please let me know as i could use all the advice i can get right now.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hi Redhead, welcome to Marriage Builders. Women need 2 things to feel sexual desire, an emotional attachment and the prospect of enjoyment. What typically happens in marriage is the couple stops doing the things that created romantic love in their marriage and the woman stops feeling sexual desire. It becomes an unpleasant chore when she is emotionally checked out.. If she keeps it up, she will actually develop a sexual aversion. The solution is to fall in love again by putting the marriage first. Romantic love is created by spending 20-25 hrs per week meeting the top 4 intimate emotional needs of affection, conversation, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillement. Romantic love is SUSTAINED by doing the same for at least 15 hours per week. Given that you have a 16 month old, you have probably spent most of your time dealing with the baby instead of putting your marriage first. Please take the time to read these articles and pick up the book Fall in Love, Stay in Love. It will be a real eye opener and show you how to regain the desire in your marriage. THE QUESTION OF THE AGES: HOW CAN A HUSBAND RECEIVE THE SEX HE NEEDS IN MARRIAGE?HOW TO OVERCOME SEXUAL AVERSIONFall in Love, Stay in Love
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 2 |
Hello,
Ya our life is super busy as we both work full time, i am in college, 2 kids its crazy. He i saying that he is not initiating anymore either so that i have to do it now. I am a shy person when it comes to this stuff and now that he has already created this awkwardness and now demanding i put myself outside of my comfort zone on top of it, i am actually getting pretty mad and frustrated. I just dont know what to do especially when we have such little time to ourselves.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hello,
Ya our life is super busy as we both work full time, i am in college, 2 kids its crazy. He i saying that he is not initiating anymore either so that i have to do it now. I am a shy person when it comes to this stuff and now that he has already created this awkwardness and now demanding i put myself outside of my comfort zone on top of it, i am actually getting pretty mad and frustrated. I just dont know what to do especially when we have such little time to ourselves. Please read through the articles I posted in addition to this one. Your husbands approach to the issue will make it worse, so I wouldn't follow his demands. If he wants you to feel sexual desire, he needs to do a better job of meeting your needs. I would strongly suggest you re-orient your lives if you want your marriage to work. It will never be a happy marriage as long as everything comes before it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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