Yes and therein lies your problem. When will you be moving out?
If I move out it will be the end of the relationship.
We discussed this again yesterday. She said she has no time to invest now that she has to work and care for the kids; that the relationship would just fade.
The other end is if there is not a way for us to manage the love busting contact with the ex.
I should not have agreed to her blocking him because it just created an impossible and unacceptable restriction to her.
When she did it SMS were still coming through which she couldn't understand.
I asked her last night if she had still been getting msgs and how has she responded. She disclosed she had sent a thankyou msg regarding some helpful thing he had done for her son.
I said that was a breach of the commitment she had made to not contact without me being present.
She tried to make light of it but I pointed out she had decided on the no contact rules and she had broken the agreement.
She basically spat the dummy and made out I was being ridiculous blowing it out of proportion.
Went to bed angry with her giving me silent treatment and I tried to engage with her this morning.
I eventually managed to explain I should not have accepted her offer to block because it was done in the spur of the moment to placate me.
I said I would not have asked for that.
She was still angry and defiant insisting the problem is me and my insecurities.
I know that is partly true but I also feel I have legitimate reasons to be uncomfortable.
I said it felt like she wanted to keep her connection with him and didn't want to share with me. I offered to let her keep that and I would move out so she could do what she wants.
She tried to gas light by saying I should be happy she moved in with me and that should prove her feelings and stop creating stories in my head to ruin our relationship.
So I asked her how would she feel about an arrangement where she is free to call and SMS ex as she pleases and to periodically show me so that over time I can see a history of her conducting things in a way that is respectful of me and us and that in time I would not feel worried?
She said she still felt it was a demand from me. I asked her why she felt that was worse than the arrangement she offered to block and not contact him?
She said she hasnt said no but needs time to think as she was going to work.
I guess now she has option to say yes, counter with another solution idea to provide reassurance to me or say no.
In which case I can say I cannot stay and be relaxed and happy in that environment and leave permanently.