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#3016716 10/27/22 07:46 PM
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 1
Hey guys! I am fairly newly married and would like some advice. To be completely transparent, I entered our marriage without much understanding of what it means to be a Christian husband and have had to learn along the way. I have made a lot of mistakes and my wife has been very forgiving us those and we have made great strides in the overall happiness and contentment in our marriage. That being said, I sometimes feel like I am running an exhausting and bleak journey on my own. I am going to lay out, to the best of my ability, our marriage and I’m asking for any advice or feedback to come from a Christian perspective that is focused on helping us have the best marriage possible.

I work full-time and also have businesses that I run on the side. Those businesses don’t require too much time, but some for sure. My wife helps occasionally in one of the businesses with communications with customers. I have asked her in the past to be in charge of that communication (which totals about 15 minutes a week), but I found that she didn’t always follow through, so I haven’t been able to relinquish that to her completely - which I’ve been a bit frustrated by. My wife does not work. She enjoys sleeping in fairly late into the morning, so I don’t see her on days I’m leaving for work. I cook my own breakfast or pick something up on the way in. Most nights, I pick up food on the way home because she rarely cooks. My wife does keep our place fairly clean, but she has to be asked to complete certain tasks and rarely does so consistently or completely. I have to do the laundry most of the time, take out the trash, and clean our pet’s cage. She will occasionally do the dishes and she does make the bed every day that I work.

Aside from those chores and time-management concerns, my wife gets very focused on small issues that arise. I am very easy-going and nothing hurts my feelings too much, but my wife is the opposite. I am trying to learn how to understand my wife’s sensitivities and I am taking full accountability that I have not responded to her needs appropriately in the past. That being said, we have sometimes spent hours or entire days arguing about the most minute of issues. It gets worsened by the fact that I am normally pretty busy and I grow resentful of the fact that we are wasting precious time arguing about trivial issues. That resentment normally turns into anger and I can become verbally hostile. I am working on my anger and trying my best to get rid of it entirely.

I am trying to submit to the philosophy that I should love my wife no matter what - I know that is what the Bible teaches. I do love her unconditionally, but sometimes I just get so frustrated because it feels like I am carrying the weight of the world alone.

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,493
Likes: 9
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,493
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Hellothere
...sometimes I just get so frustrated because it feels like I am carrying the weight of the world alone.
Welcome to MB.

The above is quite a statement to make. What is going on in your marriage that feels like "the weight of the world"? And what could have happened here: "I have made a lot of mistakes" and "I am taking full accountability that I have not responded to her needs appropriately in the past"? I think you need to describe those mistakes, and the things that you spend hours and even entire days arguing about.

The short answer to the problems with housework and the rest is that you need to discuss what needs to be done in the house daily and weekly, make an agreement about what each of you should do, and stick to it.

The arguing needs to stop altogether because it simply erodes the love in a marriage.

There is a lot to take on in your post, and there are things I'd like more details about, but the first thing you should do is get a copy of Dr Harley's book Love Busters and read and digest it. It is a game changer.

Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.

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