My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We have 2 children (one preteen and one toddler).

I am finding myself very resentful of him and having difficulty getting over it. I suffered from postpartum depression very badly this go round after having our youngest and between that, a parent dying and both myself and the baby having health issues, my husband did not have my back. It has hurt me more than anything we have ever been through together and I just don't know what to do.

I am in therapy, and we have been having dialogue over this the past couple of years about this and other issues primarily related to his behavior like a single man and putting family even our children, before our marriage. I told him that he behaves like a single man and treats me like a child and burden vs. a wife. Of course he doesn't see this. He "tries" to improve certain behavior but we always end up at square one. It's the day to day things he does, or does not do, that add up. Then he treats me like I am overreacting when I voice a concern and we are back at square one.

I am a stay at home parent (mutually agreed to) and I love it. I just want him to be more aware of how this relates to me. I am grateful for him working hard. But we are both parents, and any little bit of free time he has for himself he keeps for himself. We have been over that too, but while some things change most of them still remain. He wants more intimacy and I do too but I still resent him and his behavior towards me when I address some things with him just push me off more.

I feel like we are in a circular argument that won't end. He feels I always blame him and he that he is trying everything. I feel like he is sometimes very self centered and doesn't take my emotional and mental health seriously. I feel he tries but it misses the mark and I don't know if I am "right" to feel this way.

It's a very challenging situation and makes me want to leave as it's destroying my confidence. It affects my ability to be a good mother and navigate everyday challenges. I am just at a loss where to start or even end.

How is your postpartum depression? Are you still getting help for that?

Does your H hear your complaints and want to work on things?

My PPD has improved greatly. I was given an SSRI temporarily which helped to wake me up, and therapy has gotten me off of the ledge. So compared to this time a couple of years ago, PPD is much better.

My husband has struggled to internalize what I am saying . He listens and wants to work on things. I began focusing on the behavior vs. him and that seems to help his understanding. Even with this though it's like 2 steps forward and 5 backwards. I want to work it out too, but my resentment is very strong.

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry, I must have missed your original post because of the holiday period.

Your situation will not improve unless and until your husband realises that he needs to listen and consistently respond to your complaints and unhappiness. He needs to give a tuppeny damn about both you and his marriage. At the moment, for some reason, he doesn't seem to care very much. He wants you to stop nagging so that he can have a peaceful life.

Dr Harley is against women bearing the burden of trying to turn a cruel or indifferent man around. He has seen the toll that the one-sided struggle takes on women's health. He has written articles on "When to call it quits" (you can find them in the "Articles" section in the red area at the top of every page).

I do understand how hard is is to leave with young children.

I strongly recommend that you write to Dr Harley at the radio show address to see whether there is any other advice he would give before you make preparations to leave.

PS: I just realised your title: "No Win Situations". This is a disturbing way to describe your circumstances.

I think that the only "no win situations" in marriage are where one party is refusing to behave like a married person. They want only their way, and they refuse to take the other's unhappiness seriously.

All situations in marriage are potentially win-win. Your husband would have a happy life if he worked consistently to make you happy. He would reap great rewards, compared to the deep unhappiness in which he seems to exist today.

"Win-win" depends on each party wanting the other to be happy, but as I said, he doesn't seem to care about your happiness.

Thank you all for your responses and Happy New Year!
Yes, this has all taken a great toll on my health. My PPD has improved but my physical health at the moment is not so good.

I have discussed my leaving him and told him that it will be an option for me should things persist they way they are. He has apologized for those issues I have brought up (which is big for me) and I can see where he is "trying* but I suppose old habits die hard. I am most concerned about my resentment blocking anything. At the same time I can't swallow up everything just to be ok.

I will work on writing to the show. I appreciate you all!

Did you ever get a chance to write Dr. Harley yet?