Hi Folks

I got married with my husband 17yr ago. We love each other and we have 2 lovely kids. We have good married life too ( that’s I believe) We engage physically atleast 3-4 times a week.

I feel he sees prostitutes whenever he travels alone. Not sure if sees here at home city too when I am around.

When I confronted him, he denied initially and then agreed but promised that he won’t do it again. But he still does it whenever he gets chance. The moment he plans a work trip, he starts logging in dating apps and emailing them from fake id.

In my opinion this is also “serial cheating” I don’t feel good when I see any clue is these stuff, my heartbeat gets faster, hands, feet get cold and shaky. I cry at nights. I do stress eating and getting fat.

How should I teach him a lesson so that he stop doing that by himself.

Is it normal for all men to to prostitutes.

Thanks

Welcome to MB. This is a terrible situation to find yourself in, and I am so sorry to read this.

The Marriage Builders programme, founded by Dr Harley, does not give recommendations about "teaching a spouse a lesson", especially not about sexual fidelity. The premise of the programme is that any one of us has the capacity to be attracted to someone else, which we must have had to fall in love and get married. We continue to have that capacity. The attraction to other people does not stop because we took vows. Vows and a wedding ceremony are not some sort of magic protection against ever seeing another person as desirable.

Instead, we need to stay away from situations in which we could grow close to people other than our spouse - including being in social situations with people at work, especially alone. Going with one person for coffee, going with one person to the pub, and talking to one person about our private lives are among the situations in which closeness can grow and an affair can result. Even socialising in groups without the spouse can lead to talking, flirting, and eventually warm feelings for another person.

Other situations include travelling away from home without the spouse, when it is all too easy to commit infidelity without anyone else finding out. Your husband seems to have the opportunity to travel without you, and the inevitable seems to be the result.

Dr Harley recommends a lifestyle change so that long-distance travel is eliminated. He also does not hold out much hope for people who take the opportunity to cheat whenever it is offered, or where they can find it (like actively choosing to visit prostitutes). He could seek out prostitutes at home. If he sees nothing wrong with this as long as you do not find out, he will continue to do it.

Will your husband change jobs? And how will you know if he ever again visits prostitutes in a nearby town? He doesn't need a dating app to do this. He doesn't need to use his phone at all.

What could be the reason for visiting prostitutes? Should I ask him if he feels something lack in our marriage? Or it’s just his addiction? What happens if send him some clues that I can also cheat, will he be scared because I feel he loves me a lot.

Has someone experienced something similar in their life? Can someone share their solutions?

Did you digest what I wrote? And also, have you read Dr Harley's Basic Concepts - available free here on this site in the Articles section in the red area at the top of each page?

Obviously, you can ask him why he visits prostitutes.

Sending him clues that you can also cheat is not a way to save your marriage. I've given you a start on Dr Harley's advice on how to protect a marriage from affairs, and you need to read more. Go to the Articles section and read about infidelity.

In addition to the great advice that SugarCane gave you to read please read What is a Sexual Addiction