H called me this AM and told me that he has bought a house for the OW. I can't believe he would do that when we are having a tough time making our own house payments. I said I suppose that means you are going to move in with her on a permanent basis. He said, "yes". I then said , "so you made your decision." He said no, "it doesn't change anything." What in the hell does he mean by it doesn't change anything! I'm glad I have an appt with a lawyer on tues. This is crazy!<BR>I really think he has lost his mind! He better plan on getting another job because he is going to the cleaners! I own 50% of his share in his business and I will not back down. What happens if by some slim chance we get back together , what do we do with that house then? More important how am I ever going to keep my home. I could just knock him one right now!

cOw-<BR>I feel so bad for you. It's like they sit up at night trying to think of ways to push our buttons. What does he mean, buying this house doesn't mean anything!!! Ugh, I feel your frustation. I also know what you mean about taking him to the cleaners. I never thought I could be that kind of a person, but I think when push comes to shove, it will happen. Is he still planning on coming for dinner? If so, why? Maybe you should tell him not to call you for a few days. You need to get your thoughts in order. I want to know why they keep calling us. They moved out, they have the OW, what in the hell are they doing? I am so sorry about this. I am in your corner. Keep me posted.<BR>cc

He BOUGHT a house for the OW??????<P>Is he absolutely out of his mind?????<P>I'm sorry, but I think this is more than I would ever be able to take. I would probably do whatever I had to do to protect myself and my kids financially---even down to withdrawing all the money I could from bank accounts, etc and putting it into my name. I'd be closing out credit cards left and right. I'd be seeing an attorney about putting a freeze on all other assets so that he couldn't dispose of them or use them for loan collateral. I'd be doing every thing I could to make sure this woman no longer continues to financially benefit at the expense of my kids and me.<BR> I wouldn't wait for my H to make a decision on whether or not he's going to ruin my life (even more than he already has). I would be making the decision.<BR> I would also do a little investigating to see if she really was in an abusive relationship. She may just be a real leech.<BR> I admire your patience in putting up with this garbage, but your husband's behavior is really bizarre, IMO.<BR> Sorry for not being more supportive or more helpful, but this stuff just makes me see red!

I just don't think that's acceptable at all!<BR>He does not deserve you! Please don't let him treat you with disrespect anymore...at this point it's time to take him to the cleaners!<P>I don't know your H from Adam, but I'm ready to beat the living @$*% out of him!

Sorry, I forgot to mention the house thing in my 1st post. WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING!!!<BR>You need to stop being so nice to him. I know that you are trying to get him to come to his senses, but this is insane. Let him do what he wants. He WILL learn that the path is took is not what he should of done. I'm so sorry for what you are goin through. It is hard to let go, but you need to. Keep strong.

I am so sorry for the way your H is rubbing this whole affair in your face.<P>I tell you what, if there is a slim chance you do reunite with this dope, you can rent the house out to the OW! That should be good for a little laugh!<P>I believe you should take this man to the cleaners. You get on your feet and move on. He will be left with nothing but an woman that cannot provide him with what he thought she could AND an empty shell of a man will be the result.<P>YOU GET SUPPORT where and when you need it. Go to Dr. Harley and get a little help, do something because YOU ARE NOT THE BAD PERSON YOUR H AND TOW ARE TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE!<P>God's blessings to you!<BR>Girl<P>

cOw

CoW-<BR>Does this woman have children? Is she divorce to? I'm just wondering what would make a man go from a loving home with a wife and children of his own, to be with a women who is dependent and to live with children that are not his. I'm sorry, but I don't get it. This H of ours are insane. Keep smiling, we love you.

I would like to say that I am sorry for your pain. No one should have to endure what you have endure. And I'm sure it doesn't help that you still are in love with him. Maybe he is saying nothing has changed because he is afraid of what you will do to him in court. Is he currently taking care of his children or are they suffering financially, or will they suffer financially? First you need to take care of you. Do something for yourself that makes you feel good about you. (NO, i don't mean physically hurting your husband, though i think it would make everyone on this board feel good, but don't let him control your emotions anymore). Make sure that your kids will be taken care of. I hate to see a man taking care of another womans kid/kids and not taking care of his own. Make sure you get your share before she sucks him dry! Get help for yourself. He is too far gone to see anything clearly, so it is up to you to think clearly for yourself....take care of you.

cOw -<P><BR>How could he do that - what did he use for colateral? Your house, your business? Wouldn't you have to cosign or know about it?<P>If so maybe you could block it!!!<P>What on earth did you say to him when he said No -this doesn't change anything???<P>God help us all because this world is absolutely nuts!!!!!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Thanks Guys! He is apparently buying this house contract for deed. I just sent a letter off to his folks who know nothing of this until now. They are loaded and I'm hoping maybe they will do the right thing and help me out a little here. I've always been close to them closer than h ever was. As far as I know he is still stopping in tonight. Supper? I don't think so. A good talking to is all he's getting out of me tonight. I did take a sales tax rebate we got in the mail and put it in my own savings acct this morning. We are tapped, starting the business took every extra dime we had. <BR>I'm just in a panic here. I always have paid my bills on time and the fear of being broke just scares me to death. He is taking nothing from this house. Tools and a chair and thats it! I drive a leased 1997 dodge truck that will have to go back. That will leave me with a 1986 buick regal. He has a 1994 dodge truck to get him around. I'm sooooooo mad at him. He has always been so impulsive but this is crazy! Hopefully I am not legaly obligated to this house he has bought for her too since we are not even legaly seperated. Good thing I don't allow guns in my house! <P>sweet pea, I plan on giving him all of his bills next week after I see the lawyer. He will have nothing left when I get through with him. He'll regret this big time.<BR>As for OW, if I could afford a PI I would but she is from NY and I live in MN. I've been tempted to contact her husband in NY and get his side of things.<P>Holly and yougogirl, Thanks for the fighting support. <P>ceecee, yes she has 8 count em 8 kids. She left 5 of them in New York where she is from. The 2 oldest hate her and won't have anything to do with her. She left her 3 middle kids ages 9,4 and 3 with her supposedly abusive husband. She has her 15 and 13 year old daughters from her first marriage and her 8 mo old son here. Doesn't she sound like a piece of work? <P>trying2forgive and sheba,<BR>I have made an appt. tues with a divorce attorney, wed I see a counselor and thur I have a appt with the MD to get a perscription for a mild antidepressant, I need to keep focused. YES THIS WHOLE WORLD IS JUST NUTS!! Except for us of course, right guys! <BR>

I'm not so sure cOw - sometimes I feel a little Pecanish!!!! Hardy-har-har!!!<P>What is contract to deed? Layperson here, you know!!!!<P>When you see him tonight - Are you gonna make any reference to the ludicrous statement he made? I have this NEED to know how this makes sense to him!!!!<P>Are you going to point out exactly how you do not see how that is possibly the case when married people don't buy and live and mess around with someone else like it's all in the vows!!! I don't remember that part - do you?<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

I believe that you will not be obligated because you have not signed any documents pertaining to this house-Unless he has signed over your business as collateral-but since the business is 50-50 you might be obligated. If anything, once you take your H to the cleaners you will have two houses. Please do not take may word for it, I have only real estate experience through relatives. Good Luck and God Bless

boy oh boy....im glad you have a lawyer, and H's parent's support.<BR>If i were you, i would just emotionally back off, and LAUGH YOURSELF SILLY over how your H is getting taken by this con artist.<BR>I can picture your H as one of those poor old fellas who thinks they won the sweepstakes and goes to florida to claim it...<BR>Just busy yourself with your legal protection, and you should be just fine.<BR>I wonder what her criminal record looks like?...<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

H is a contractor and I know that he can't use the business as collateral.<P>LWB- I may just check into that yet. I have friends who are cops and maybe they can find something.

Boy, stuff happens fast around here!!!! That inconsiderate *&(#*(&$(*# jerk! I'm sorry, I'm so angry right now I could scream. You've got the right idea, my friend, don't let him get away with ANYTHING. Let your lawyer do what he needs to do to protect you and your kids. H's certainly not gonna do it.<P>What on earth is he thinking!!???? Sorry, I can't be too constructive right now, I'm just mad. Keep us posted, ok? <P>I know you still love the man you were married to, but I can't imagine you even like this alien that's taken over right now. Use that to find your strength. I'd be willing to bet the game's not played out yet.<P>I'm going to dinner w/ BIL - moral support you know and a little spying. Found out some more info on Sweetie Pie - Not so sweet!! Gonna dig for more tonight.<P>Hang in there, cOw. We're all with you here.<P>Lori

What utter bullsh*t! What kind of man buys his mistress a house and tells his wife nothing has changed? Good Lord, the audacity of these guys is astounding, is it not?<P>Get yourself a hotshot lawyer and take this clown to the cleaners.

C or W,<BR> Make sure you have a copy of all your business records hidden away. My H is a contractor, too, and I handle EVERYTHING---ALL the business paperwork, so I know dang good and well what we have and what we owe. Make sure that your H cannot switch your business telephone service over to the new house (so you can keep up with the calls for jobs).<BR> You do not want your husband to start doing business "on the side" in order to hide income from you.<BR> Another suggestion: Install WinGuardian on your business computer so that if your H or anyone else tries to manipulates the books, you'll know every keystroke they made.<BR> Also, you can install a program called PCAnywhere on your business computer and your home computer so that you can use your home computer to connect to the business computer. I can call the business computer from home and see the work our employee is doing on the business computer. If I leave the volume turned up on the business computer speakers, I can also turn on the sound recording program and record what is going on--like conversations. I can then transfer the sound file to my home computer and listen to it.<BR> Anyway, just make sure that you know everything that is going on at the business.<BR> Oh, yeah, you can go to www.1800ussearch.com and for about $40, they'll find out what you need to know about OW.<BR> Take care and stay strong.

crazy, it's not you that's crazy it's that H of yours. Get all of your ducks in a row...be ready, your H has no idea what he will have to pay. I hate to tell this story but my father had an affair on my mother. He bought a house with the ow, my mother could have (but didn't) own half of it because of the state they live in. Get a tough lawyer, I'm telling you this is when the adrinilan starts flowing, when we fight we don't go down easy. Play it cool though until you see the attorney, you don't want to give him a heads up, its better to hit him when he doesn't expect it.

CoW,<BR>What kind of woman would leave her children with an abusive husband when she ran away? And why do her two oldest kids hate her? Maybe it IS time for you to have a little conversation with her H and get his side of the story. <P>Did he actually close on the house, or did he just sign an offer to purchase? Assuming he did not pay cash, can you find out who will be holding the mortgage and let them know that he might not be such a hot credit risk?<BR>