Things have been bad more regularly lately. My H has commented that the forum just keeps me riled up.<P>He has been distant and moody and I guess I have been too. I vent my frustration here and I think he has started reading it and getting upset.<P>I'm torn. Part of me wants him to know what I'm feeling. I wish he would post so that I could get some insight about him. I feel I deserve to know who and what he truly is and maybe it will made my decisions easier. (I still feel I haven't made the decision to stay with him, only haven't decided to leave)<P>I have been angry more lately and sometimes the things I read does make me get down.<P>I'm wondering if I should say goodbye and for a while and see if it helps, even though I don't want to.

my h says the same thing, and even tells me i am lying when i write here. <BR>as long as i feel i am only venting here and preventing myself venting on him, then i come here. but yeah, lately it has gotten me more upset at my H--i feel i can't trust him one tiny bit, MB seems to bring up the past for me, and opens the wounds.<BR>i found that just cutting down my time here a little bit helped...i had to wean myself to other websites. (try <A HREF="http://www.theonion.com" TARGET=_blank>www.theonion.com</A> for a good laugh, it'll take your mind off stuff)<BR>don't let him tell you what to do, but try to notice how you are acting, and how it makes him feel.<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>

Anytime he thinks things are going good, he gets mad at me. I feel that he expects me to be this "Super Woman". I have felt his attitude all along is "This is what I did, now get over it". <P>I know I am a mess emotionally, but why is he mad at me about it. I'm a mess because I am so very hurt. I'm also scared because it doesn't seem to be getting better with time the way so many others say it does. <P>As time goes by I just see him resenting my lack of healing more. Also, he is healing better than me and never seemed to adversely affected by any of it in the first place so I resent him for not even thinking this is important. It appears that he doesn't feel I am even justified in feeling the way I am not even considering the amount of time that has already passed.<P>He never struggled through any of this, he just ended???, confessed when confronted, then waited for me to get over it, all along professing that he was fine. He may have been trying to reassure me that he was over it completely, but all he did was reinforce the opinion I have always had that he has no feelings, no sense of affection, and no consideration for me.<P>Anytime I find something I think is helping me that isn't him directly, he acts angry and resentful. I'm not getting what I'm needing from him and I have told him this. He is being controlling and manipulative even when it comes to my recovery. He makes me feel afraid and ashamed to feel hurt. <P>I end up apoligizing for feelings I can't help and then I feel I have to suppress them so he doesn't get mad again.

I know what you mean about apologizing for the feelings you have. I am doing that constantly. I don't want my husband to be angry or upset and turn to the OW because I am not making it easier on him.<BR>I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Any word or tear or look could make him angry at any given time.<BR>Maybe Love Was blind is right, about cutting down time here. Maybe just spending a little time doing something for YOU might help. Do something to make you feel good. Get a facial or a massage, dye your hair, go out for a "girls night out" with some friends. Take a bit of a break from your feelings and working on your marriage even if it is only for a couple of hours. It may refresh you and give you a different perspective on things.<BR>I hope this helps a little.<BR>Take care and God bless.<P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole

i know what you mean about how they just want us to "get over it" so fast. H comes home whenever i am not just super chipper to my H, he asks, "what did i do wrong NOW?", and i tell him, same old thing, babe.<BR>it gets better, though, with time...<BR><P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>