Sorry guys, but the time has come to vent!!!!!! I still haven't heard from H. The house has no bites and I don't know how I will make any more house payments. My part-time job is just that part-time and may not last very long. My son is having his ups and downs and doesn't know what to do. No good job insight. And I am not sure how I feel about H anymore, but what differents does it make he doesn't care about any of us.<BR>Thank goodness I go see my counselor this afternoon. BUt I guess what really has me down is the money problems and it is close to Christmas. Depressing!!!!! I keep telling myself things have got to get better. But I sure hope things hurry up. I have spent time on the phone with the real estate agent and things are looking really down. I have a call into the mortagage place to see what I can do. I am going to write a letter to H, but if his attitude is the same as earlier, his comment will be file banruptcy he doesn't care, it issn't his problem. He is name is on the mortagage too but mine is first because I made the most money. I wonder if they can go after him if I can't pay. I told you I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Love ya guys.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Diana,<P>This sounds pretty CR@PPY!!! I can't believe he would let you file for bankruptcy! That SUCKS!!! Just gotta pull yourself up by the bootstraps:<P>Keep going to the counselor. You need that. Also, since you mentioned depression, are you on anti-depressants? See about them if not. Especially since you seem so down about the upcoming holidays. Your kids and grandkids will be sad enough without H there, they would probably feel better if you felt better.<P>I know you are still looking for a job -teaching, I think? I am praying for something to come up for second semester. In the meantime, if the current part-time job can't go to full-time, look for another part-time job. With the holiday season around the corner, there have got to be lots of places looking for seasonal help, if nothing else is available. It might help you to feel more busy during the holidays, too - kind of a distraction from the problems we can't ever seem to escape from.<P>Gosh, I feel so bad for you. I am praying right now and will do so EVERY DAY that your house sells quickly and you get what you need financially out of it!<P>As for your H and how you feel about him - well, right now probably like the rest of us - abandoned and rejected are the 2 that most come to mind! All of us can identify with that. You are not alone!<P>Things will get better over time, because they are pretty down for you now, so at some point, you can only go up and feel better. I hope that comes soon for you. <P>I am most concerned with your feelings of hopelessness at this time. Please consider the anti-depress, if not already. You need to strengthen yourself. How did the visit at your sister's go this weekend? Were you able to take this load off your mind for even a little bit?<P>Write and let me know how you are doing later tonight. I saw your posting on the DB forum, too. I wish we could find the answers we seek and a solution to this hell we seem to be living in. <sigh><P>Can only say what has been said here a thousand times before....<P>so, one-thousand-and-one: Vent here all you like and know that others REALLY do CARE about you!!!<P>Luv Ya,<P>Desiree

I'm sooo sad for you! But may I offer a couple of suggestions, contact consumer credit counseling. Look for one that is non-profit....they can help with contacting mortgage company and working something out. If you H name is on mortgage loan than yes they can go after him and give them his number!! Most of them are willing to give the spouse a call. Finding a job really is a downer and I hope you find one soon! Also as far as helping you through the holidays there are a ton of community charities that would be willing to help out. One year I was so bad off that a friend called a charity for me. I had presents for my child and a tree as well as dinner. I was very moved. Now that I don't need there help I give them $$ every year to help others like me. I'll pray for you and your family....God's love and peace!

I most recently found out that in Pennsy both partners are responsible for debts incurred while still legally married. <P>So, I'm going out tomorrow to check out a new red Mitsubishi 3000GT. Divorce present to myself. She can pay for half. I think she owes me at least that.<P>SDS,<P>I'm sorry to hear of your recent money problems. When it rains it pours. With regard to your H and the filing for chapter 11 or 13. I have also said that to Val because we are in a consolidated credit program. That would have been self defeating. She loved the plastic and I didn't help stop her. It was a statement made in anger. It is very hard to rebuild credit. Almost as hard as rebuilding a marriage.<P>It seems your hubby is still not "with us". I'm not sure of your time lines, hell I don't remember what I did yesterday. I'd give it some time. Time is on our side. I'm under the impression that it can't get any worse. <P>And yes the holidays are coming up. I'm really not feeling down about them. We have a BIG family reunion Thanksgiving dinner planned. And as far as Christmas is concerned, looks like I have one less person to get gifts for.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Sorry guys, I am just having a bad day. I am really okay. Just that the money problems s**k. And I talked to my MIL she always depresses me. Even before all of this. H doesn't have much more money then I do. But the mortagage company is going to contact him. They know about my problems and will do what they can. It is a small company and their hands are tied. <BR>Desiree, no I am not looking for a teaching job. I just don't have the emotional strength to teach and I was almost to the point of burnout before all this happened. <BR>If the house would just sell I would be okay. I really need and appreciate your prayers. I bounce back very quickly. I talked to my counselor today she said that the reason I am so down is where I am in my grief. The realization that there is a good chance he won't be back and that I may not want him back. <BR>Bikermom, I am already on credit counseling. We started it last year. We were have finacial problems due to his being out of a job two years ago and then his new job at half of what he was making. I don't think this one does anything with the mortagage though. Christmas problem is emotional just getting through the holidays.I will have fun watching the grandsons, it is just well you all know too well.<BR>Medic. He left almost four months ago and I haven't heard from him in three.<P>I guess my problem besides money is the fact I have come to the conclusion that I can't live my life waiting on him. I have been saying that when I get a job and a place to live then he would have a place to come to. But that is being unrealistic. I know if and when he leaves her he would probably go to his parents. I don't know if there is any thing there for us to rebuild on, or whether I want to. BUtyou see I am at the point that I can't live on the if's maybes or this cloudy future. I don't know what is going to happen and my poor brain no longer can think about it. I need something concrete. I WILL be alright. I will have down days, that is normal. I need to concentrate on job hunting and dealing with the now. I need to take one day at a time. Just let me vent from time to time. It helps to have such support that I get from all of you. Thanks . <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Diana,<P>Yes, you sound MUCH better tonight! Glad you had a counselor session today. I understand about the teaching and burnout. Yes, all this sh^t sucks!<P>It is so hard to endure this without you having the extra problems of financial strain. I will pray for you with the job situation, as well as the house. You definitely need a break!!<P>The grief is so hard for us to bear. Also the waiting seems so everlasting. We can all relate to that. Same thing about the unrealistic expectations - who can know what is realistic and what is unrealistic given our S's mental instability and actions?? <P>Compounded with all this, you have had to undergo the ordeal and strain of your son's kidney transplant. Gosh, Diana, you have had a year of dure unadulterated hell! One crisis after another. Yet, through ALL of this you have persevered and come out whole and sane. Maybe your brain is somewhat fried, but you are STRONG and WHOLE. You should be so PROUD of yourself. I know that your kids and grandkids HAVE TO BE, too! You are a model of what goodness and strength in humanity is. You have endured it all - yet you are still out there fighting and kicking. You are still planning for a future that is worth living for you and your family. Can't keep a good woman down!!!! <P>I know how hard it is to imagine how any of us will ever be happy in the future, again. But, where there is spunk, there is determination, there is HOPE. You will be successful and you will be happy again. You have a wonderful daughter that has opened her home to you; a wonderful son who needs your love and spirit and determination; and those wonderful grandkids. You have your sister and family who love and care about you. You have me and the rest of the folks here. That much love and goodness has to equal something positive.<P>Keep the faith, my friend. God has a good purpose for you and your life.<P>Desiree<BR>