Ok, here we go again. <P>I understand that the lenghth of time a betrayer experiences withdrawal, depends on the person..... but, how long does it take to forget the children? If it takes 6 months to get over a lover, someone that means so much to you that you will give up EVERYTHING, does it take longer to get over the loss of your family (children)? or is it easier than giving up the lover?<P>My emotions are running rampant right now...but that isn't anything new.<P>God Bless you and yours,<BR>Sheryl W.<P>Anyone have pics on a webpage?<BR>We are at <A HREF="http://www.widesmiles.org/gallery/britanie" TARGET=_blank>www.widesmiles.org/gallery/britanie</A> <BR>Would be nice to see some of the kind and helpful people here.<BR>

In my case apparently it doesn't take very much time to forget you ever had a family. H walked out and hasn't contact his two children, two grandchildren or his parents in four months. In fantasy land you have no memory of the past only where you are at that moment with your lover. Nothing can get through their brain at this time. Only when reality starts to seep will they even start to think. How long that takes I don't know. I don't have young children but I have seen the effect on my grandson. So I can only imagine what it is like for all the people who have small children My heart goes out for you Prayers and {{hugs}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi Sheryl with an "S"...<P>First, checked out your web page - FANTASTIC!! I have a son with special needs (neurological, too many to name) and am always impressed and feel close to someone who's struggled with a child with disabilities. <P>Second, to answer your question: withdrawl takes <B>about as long as the affair lasted</B>. My affair lasted 3 months. The withdrawl lasted that long, plus a month or so. It's now been 8 months since the beginning, 6 months since the one-time hop in the sack (sorry to be crass, but I don't consider it making love anymore), 5 months since I officially "ended" it, and four months since the last chat about "us". I have to work with the OM, so that makes it worse, as I am sure you can understand. When my H had affairs, he just traded one for another, never really withdrawing, actually. But when we moved 100 miles away from the women, it seems like it took about 6 months.<P>These things take how long they take. It's a hurtful answer, and one that depends on several factors:<P>1. Contact with the OP - physical, especially, but also phone and heart to heart talks<P>2. How long the affair lasted and was it deeply emotional or a one-night stand kind of thing<P>3. How well you and he get along now<P>4. His remorse<P>5. How much love he's getting from you<P>So there you have it, in my opinion.<P>As far as the children... I could never give them up. I can't imagine. All I can say though is this: addiction makes you want to have the "thing" (drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, or a lover) at the cost of all else. I don't think that when someone's in the heart of the addiction that they are thinking of anyone but themselves.<BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P>

SDS, thanks for the reply, I am so sorry that things are so horrible for you. At least I am somewhat comforted by the fact that I still have some contact with him, although it is pretty limited. I just can't fathom leaving and not looking back, but maybe that is just me. I pray that you will find peace and solace in your life.<P>Sheryl (glad someone knows how to spell it correctly) Thank you for your response. I value your insight. I am sorry to hear about all of your health problems. My prayers are with you also. You always have such compassion in your posts and that helps me tremendously. <P>Thanks for the compliment on my kids. It is Britanie who I feel most sorry for. She has always believed that her daddy loved her for who she is, now she is beginning to think that he left us/her because of her cleft. I try my hardest to convince her that had nothing to do with the issues at hand, but how can you convince someone who has a mind of their own and she does!!!! I tell her daily that daddy loves her and always will, but she just ain't buying it. I hope that he will wake up before it is too late for her to ever forgive him. I pray that things will be alright for her.<P>Thanks again for the response.<P>God Bless you and yours,<BR>Sheryl W.

Sheryl,<P>My son is 15 this week, and blames himself for everything from the cat throwing up to us breaking up. Isn't that just the saddest thing? I used to beg my H to help with our son, but he was afraid, so I had to do it all myself. Now my son resents that, but will fight tooth and nail to hang onto his dad (he's the only boy, and he loves his dad like the dickens). I guess it doesn't get easier with age. <P>God bless these special kids of ours... <P>Have you ever read the poem by Irma Bombeck called "The Special Mother"?? It's beautiful, and I'll bring it home tomorrow for you, if you'd like. Get the kleenex ready though, it's a tear jerker!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P>

Sheryl,<P>One of the hardest things that I am dealing with is H's lack of concern for daughter. When she was born, he was the most supportive person in her life. She had to stay in the hospital when she was born for a couple of days. He was devastated. He cried because we had to leave her. He was at every Dr. appt. and every surgery. He wouldn't leave her side at the hospital. He changed her diapers, bathed her, tightened the screw in her appliance, took care of her every need. I could never have anticipated his behavior now. He has just walked out of her life and doesn't seem to care one iota about her feelings. It is so out of character for him, the devoted, loving daddy that she loves so much. I just don't understand it. Maybe sometime soon he will wake up and realize his errors, I just hope that he doesn't wake up too late. She is very opinionated and she may decide that it isn't worth the pain he has caused her.<P>I have never read that poem, would love to though. I am never more than a few inches from the tissue box anymore. I sleep with it nowadays.<P>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.

Sheryl, We found a year ago that our son has lost the use of one kidney and the other was only at 8%. My h took S to dialysis. He was at ever doctor appointment. We were both tested to see if we could donate. Donated his kidney this summer. In fact son was just out of the hospital two week when H left. Of course the affair was going on all this time it started right after we found out about son. We were really concerned with son because his blood pressure was so high. When H left I made a comment about his lack of concern about how this would affect our son his comment was he will just have to learn to handle it. The few time I saw him to talk about money and bills he never once asked about son or anyone. We also had anew grandson born June 13. The last time he saw him gs was one month old. I don't understand it either. It is like they go into this other world and the real world can't touch them. I know this doesn't help but sometime knowing that it is part of the affair helps you to get through it a little better. It is helps knowing that it is just happening to you alone.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>