H has decided to have this affair because I wasn't working. I haven't worked since Feb. and he felt that I was leaving him to do it all by himself. I discussed this with him and he never said a single word about it, but now, that is the only reason I can get out of him. OW has a good paying job, and a house. Now what do I do? I am looking for a job, but don't feel that will be all there is to it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I can't compete with money. He did say that he still loves me but too much has happened for us to make it work. Does anyone have any thoughts on whether he will change his mind after the affair is over?<P>Help!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.<P>www.widesmiles.org/gallery/britanie

A rather odd reason to have an affair. I thought most affairs were "caused" by not fullfilling emotional needs.<P>I guess if you look at the questionaire though it does say financial stuff on it. But I wouldn't think this to be the case.<P>No real advise, sorry, but I wanted you to know I read your post.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

My H said that he couldn't separate his feelings about our financial situation from his feelings about me. He claimed that I lied because I said I would go back to work when the kids were older, though our youngest was only 2 when he began his affair. He, too, never mentioned that he wanted me to go back to work. His OW is rather wealthy. I know how you feel about not being able to compete with money. I think he feels a lot of anger about not having the money he thinks he "should" have at this time in his life, and he is re-directing his anger at me.

Sorry but I think that is a bunch of crock. As I see it they are not happy with themselves, and have nobody but themselves to blame, but they can't deal with it. So they blame us and then they run away. The only thing is they run to nowhere. If they go through the divorce and remarry they will still be in the same situation. They haven't improved or solved the problem. They are still the same person they were before and the they willhave the same problems plus a whole lot of new ones. They couldn't deal with the old one how are they going to deal with the new ones. If their excuses were the real problem I think it would have come out somewhere. I think all they wanted to do was escape from real life and that is what they have done. BUt we are their real life so they have to put the blame on us. THey couldn't handle thing so it is our fault. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi, mitme. <P>Right now I wouldn't put a whole lot of credibility in what your husband is telling you. It's terrible how they will say anything just because they have no true answer, and do not even know why themselves. He may be telling the truth (a 5% chance?) but I SERIOUSLY doubt it. If there was any reason whatsoever, it would not be this, in my opinion. It's very lame justification but they don't even know themselves, they (like I was) don't know the reason so they will pull an answer out of the hat that may have minimal irritation at best and use it as the "sole reason". I'm sorry you're going through this, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Right now trying to make sense out of the senseless is what it boils down to with H.