My husband is still in the middle of withdrawal so it probablyisn't fair for me to even expect this so soon but it bothers me that he still says he has no regrets for falling in love with somebody else.<P>I guess to be perfectly honest he says he feels bad that it hurt me, but that is the only regret he has. He doesn't wnat to see that everything we are going through right now is a direct result of his feelings for the OW and his behavior because of those feelings.<P>What I really want to know is when, if ever did you regret the WHOLE thing, feelings, actions, cover-ups(just so your spouse wouldn't get hurt), selfishness, clouded outlook...(you get the picture.<P>Is it expecting too much to want him to regret all those things, or should I just be happy that he is here and wants to try and make our marrige work.<P>For anybody who isn't familiar with our story my husband is 2 soulmates. He has a few posts here that you can look up.<P>Thank-you. <P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole

My heart goes out to you. One can only hope your H is not thinking straight. I would assume his words and actions are completely out of character for him.<P>Read my profile (sunglasses). Although I discovered my H walking away, and he was immediately sorry it ever happened. His remorse for his actions and accountibility for them increased as time passed.<P>Have you started reading any books, yet? After the Affair, Private Lies, Surviving and Affair and Torn Assunder (Christian) are all very good.<P>This journey is horrible, but it can have a positive outcome. I am so happy you found this forum for support!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Faith,<BR> Thanks for your response. It reminded me that,yes my husband isn't thinking staight right now. In fact I hardly recognize some of the words and phrases that come out of him lately. It is like his whole moral system has gone haywire. <BR> I don't like to say this but right now I don't like my husband very much right now(that doesn't mean I don't love him because I do). He has been mean, critical,quik tempered, and has picked up some other bad habits lately. I know that a lot of this is due to his withdrawal but that doesn't make it any easier to take. I love him and I will be patient and supportive through this(at least I will try).<P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole

This is such a yucky time. To be honest, I don't remember much of the first few weeks other than it was hell. I remember my pain more than H's behavior.<P>During the month long thing, however, he stalked around the house scowling...and he is almost always good natures and rarely raises his voice. I thought his back ached and poor baby was working so many hours, but really he was dating. Unbelievable.<P>We would shake our heads at other people's situations, not in contempt, but in a complete lack of understanding how/why someone would mess up their life by having an affair. When BIL walked out on his sister for OW, he thought he should even lose his job, because who would want a man with so little integrity working for them. I had to explain that is not how it worked, that in society at large, this is widely accepted.<P>I think our solid immediate and extended family history, our rather conservative small town setting (she was from a different city, luckily) and our church, may have greatly contributed to our successful recovery. No one knew, and in our comparitively sheltered world, H would have had disapproving rabid parents, stunned friends and little support from anyone. I think these factors acted as a constraint on my H, who maybe in a different setting with less disapproval, would have had a harder time walking away. Hopefully your situation provides some constraint to your H, until his very own character kicks back in.<P>Now if we ever do talk about it, (rarely) I think he can't believe he did it almost as much as I can't believe he did it. He says looking back, it is just like looking at another person. <P>At first he blamed our marriage (which I thought was solid) now he does not hold me accountable at all, says it was all his stupidity. At first he rewrote history (since he didn't have many real issues) but now when you ask him about the same things, he is back to his origional attitudes and memories.<P>I was fortunate since my H found he didn't actually even like OW, and respected her even less, even so he had a hard time breaking phone contact, although I don't think it was all that difficult to stop seeing her. It was all so weird...so very very weird.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Faith, Thanks again, it is hard to believe that one day I will have my husband back. He seems so far away now. Thank-you for giving me hope.<P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole