If you haven't read my most recent post yet please do(betrayers when did you start to regret your affair?). I miss sy husband, or at least the man that he was or could be. I want to feel loved again. How long did withdrawal take for you, especially those of you who felt you truely loved the OP? <BR>Any input would be much appreciated.<BR>THANX<P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole

Nicole:<P>I know it’s tough, but you’ve got to have patience right now. Your husband’s withdrawal can at this point only be counted in days... not even weeks yet.<P>In answer to your question... for me it took nearly a year. And yes, she was my “soulmate,” (blech!), Love of my life (gag!), and all that other dreck. She was also selfish, narcissistic, and mean. Of course, at the time, none of that mattered.<P>I know it stinks, but TIME right now is the only thing that will help. I hope you are both in counseling; we have been for nearly two years... had a session last night, in fact. It just keeps getting better... <BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

WHODAT,<BR>Thank-you. I know that I have to patient. It is just very hard right now. We have been in counselling but it is hard with my H being gone so much for work(he travels out of town a lot). It does bother me that he can only see the OW good points or that her bad points don't bother him too much. Patience is hard, I just want this horrible episode in our lives to end. Sorry, if I'm sounding like a whiner. I just need to vent sometimes.<P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole

Nicole:<P>You’re not whining; you’ve been tossed into a rollercoaster without your consent or any foreknowledge whatsoever... I think you’re handling yourself pretty well. So is 2S, now that he’s cut off contact (I still think he needs to change his nick, though. JMHO).<P>He’ll be able to see her bad points soon enough. They were there for me to see, even <B>during</B> the affair, but they didn’t matter one bit because they were overshadowed by the amazing glare of the fantasy I had overlaid upon her. That’s the trap: the <B>feelings</B> were real, but the person I attributed them to was not. No real person could <B>ever</B> have lived up to the fantasy I created; not the OW, and not my W. <P>Weird... something I hadn’t thought of in a long, long time... during the affair, the OW and I were making lists of things we liked and didn’t like about our respective spouses. I even told her at the time, “There are far more things I dislike about you than my W.” And it was true... even then. Do you think that mattered to me at the time? Not one bit. <P>For right now, he just has to survive before he can work on things. That took me a couple months to even start. Even then, I still saw the “amazing” qualities she never really possessed. It took more working on me before I could work on <B>us.</B> It’ll happen; it’s not fair that you have to wait to feel loved again, but look at it this way.. he has to love himself again before he can give that love to you. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Nicole,<P>My affair was only an emotional one. Never got to the physical stage. And we were only into it for around 3-4 months when it was discovered and blown out of the water. That was back in June. I'm still going through withdrawal. It still sucks. I think my wife is at the end of her wits right about now. <P>The answer to your question is, there is no answer. It takes as long as it takes. And you have to continue with the Plan A behavior throughout the entire ordeal, even though it will seem to make no dent at all in him. It will later.<P>This is one of the hardest things for a betrayed to go through. The whole withdrawal thing. Because you've done nothing to deserve this and yet you have to be kind and nice and loving even though there are times when you want to tear your husband's head off! I honestly don't know how you could handle it. I'd be in the nuthouse (if I weren't there already )<P>--andy

I, too am the betrayed. We are 3 months into withdrawal, and I feel with no progress. I follow Airheart's advice alot because he is just ahead of my H and it sounds so similar in that it was a very strong emotional bond and continues to be despite no contact. <P>Basically, it sucks. You have to know that this is what you want, no exceptions. I definitely do, but even now am at wit's end. (read my post from today, I've mellowed some since then) It takes every bit of patience and love (unconditional for now) that you can muster, but my hope in the end is it will be sooooo appreciated. It must be, or I can't stay.<P>Feel free to email me anytime for support. The address is mjrrjones@msn.com. Good luck, I grant you patience of a saint, and God bless!!<P>--Jenn<P>------------------<BR>

Thanks so much for your responses. I know what I have to do. It's just hard sometimes to keep fucused on that when he says mean things or doesn't seem to care about my feelings. It is good to be reminded of what the ultimate goal in this is: a stronger more loving marriage.<BR>THANX AGAIN<P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole

I regretted the affair the second he touched me.<BR>I prayed and read psalm 51 over and over again.<BR>