I don't know how long I can hang in there through this recovery. It's 3 months now and my H says his feelings for the OW have gotten stronger even with no contact except one phone message.....I believe this as best I can. <P>He told me today that it seems insane that he would consider leaving their relationship when it's so wonderful and his bond here is so weak. I mentioned our marriage and kids might be worth something, and he reminded me that's the only reason he is here...not the marriage, the kids.<P>He grew up with the OW so I asked him why he chose to marry me and not her 13 years ago? Could he maybe change his mind in another 13 years? Maybe this is LB, but nothing makes sense to me anymore and he needs lots of doses of reality. I really do think the only way he'll figure out we can have what they have and more is to go check it out. But I dread the thought of our kids spending time with 2 people who chose to have affairs and divorce in order to be together. What an example that would be.<P>It would be a bit easier if there was some reason for all this like I spent all the money, or was a b&*$h, or an abusive wife or something. He says I do meet his needs, but in a different way because we have 2 different personalities. Maybe it's time for me to move on and eventually find someone who can appreciate who I am. <P>I'm becoming more distant, the love bank has been on "E" for many months, and I find myself becoming more cynical by the day. I have sensed absolutely NO progress in 3 months, and in fact his feelings for her have become stronger. He says the "iceberg" of feelings for me has begun to melt into a few drops of water, but that apparently began 3 months ago and hasn't melted more since. Such appreciation for my love and commitment.<P>I think I'm nearing the end!!!!<P>--Jenn<P>------------------<BR>

Not sure this helps at all, but I do think I know how you feel. It has been five months (at least I hope) since my wife had contact with other man. She hasn't expressed any interest in him, but has made it clear she doesn't really love me, nor ever had much love for me. She too has indicated that at this time she is only staying for the kids and the conveniance. Lucky me. It sure gets old after a while and I know that I have felt like calling it quits quite a bit lately. <P>Good luck

Jenn,<BR> Only you can know when it is time to make a change of plans. You know him and your situation better than anyone else and you know when you have reached your limit. <BR> <BR>While it would be ideal if everyone here could have the chance to recommit and rebuild, in "real life" it's not always possible. I know, for me, if my H had been "fence sitting" or unwilling to make a honest effort at rebuilding our marriage, I wouldn't be able to wait forever. <P>Good luck to you Jenn with what ever you decide to do. I know it's not an easy decision. But remember, you are a good person with alot to offer,,if not to him,,then to someone else that will appreciate you.

It really is the pits isn't it. I keep having to remind myself to keep my eye on the prize(a better more loving marriage) or I think I would either throw in the towel or go insane. <P>Thanks for reaching out even though you are feeling so bad.<P>------------------<BR>I am holding my heart out to you and ask only that you receive it and give me yours in return.<BR>Nicole

Jenn,<BR>I sent you an E. You know I can't keep things short! <BR>There is a reason for everything,,,,,,,This may turn out in your favor in the long run. IT COULD HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!<BR>Almost <P>---------<BR>TIME

Hey Everyone,<BR> Thanks for all of your feedback. I am feeling a bit better today, nothing positive happened, but I sometimes have to dig down REALLY deep to find the optimism I use to wear on my face always. I want that part of me back so bad.<P> I do feel bad for my H, he is so full of turmoil and confusion. I've told him that even if he chooses to leave us, I want to help him through this crap and be a good friend. He needs that so desparately now. He's always been so self sufficient and truly doesn't know how to reach out and rely on others. I want to teach him that, even if it isn't with me.<P> It's wonderful we can find support here at MB! Sandie, thanks for all of your ongoing support. I STUDY your emails to me!!<P>--Jenn<P>------------------<BR>