My husband (twenty-something years old) and I have been married for about a month. Both of us recently moved into a new area and began new jobs. Consequently, we don't have any other close friends nearby (we are best friends). We share recreational activities after work (2-3 times/week), and my husband has begun to cultivate relationships with a couple of people. One is a friendship with a male friend who shares a common sports interest. The other is with an almost 20 year old woman who he had met at work who also doesn't have many friends. He stops by her house (she lives with her family) to visit about once a week after work to chit chat and sometimes he helps her with English. His visits aren't always times when other people are in the house.<BR>Usually, he calls me just before going over there to say that he'll be home a bit late.<P>I am a bit uneasy about this relationship. I want to trust in my husband, but don't know if this is a situation where he might be tempted. He says that "I know he wouldn't do anything" and that it hurts that I don't trust him, but it just seems a situation that either could lead to temptation or could possibly be misconstrued by others. He has never done anything where I would question his fidelity during our entire relationship, and he says he relates to girls more than guys and misses having other friends.<P>I have yet not met anyone to cultivate our "social life" and would like to meet a Christian couple with whom to fellowship.<P>Should I accept my husband's relationship with this woman or try to discourage it?........

4EVER,<P>I would stop this relationship NOW!!!!!!<BR>Any type of opposite sex friendship in a marraige can be dangeerous. You should never let your hubby be alone with another woman. He is putting himself and your marriage in a dangerous position.<P>Any type of opposite sex friendship can be dangerous. I'd quail the problem YESTERDAY.<BR>Let him know you do not apporve of this and put an end to it NOW!!!<P>Here at Marriage Builders, any type of oppostite sex friendship is a NO-NO. You should be the only female that hubby spends time alone with. )<P><P>------------------<BR>PSALMS 133<BR>AMOS 7:7-8<BR>ECCLESIASTES 12:1-7

please go and read the Harley principals. Red flag is right. Terrible idea, whether her other family members are home when he drops in or not. He's early 20's, hormones and desire at their highest. It's not a question of whether you trust him; it's a question of human nature. You will become the outsider in a triangle, even if he maintains it's just a friendship. He will be defending her from your attacks and complaints. I'm living with just such a triangle now. We're in marriage counseling and I don't see any improvement. And his loyalty to the OW is very strong.<P>Read other people's posts, you will see how the damage progresses. <P>Read the posts on the Infidelity board and Emotional Needs. Platonic friendships between opposite sex married people are dangerous. Get some help; you say you are Christian. Members of a church? Talk to your pastor and get some support. Stop this while it's new (or "nip it in the bud") <P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

I see that you are new to this BB. Go to the Marriage Builders homepage and read about emotional needs and love banks and love busting et al. Then you can use Marriage Builders techniques to help resolve this issue. <P>I am known on these BB's as the poster child against opposite sex friendships. If you do a search on my Username you will see my views on this topic. <P>I think the relationship should end but how you express your wishes will make a huge difference in how your H hears your concerns. It is not an issue of lack of trust it is an issue of protection for your marriage.<P>Mud

Having friends of both sexes is perfectly fine except when one of you is paranoid. Why don't you invite her over for dinner/drinks one evening? Maybe you'll find a new friend as well.<P>One of the most wonderful things about being able to honestly converse about your feelings and emotions is that your partner is better able to understand where you are coming from. Therefore, you can become more trusting.<BR>

Red Flag. =(<P>Your husband may have not given you any reason not to trust him. But being alone with an other female is a big NO-NO.<BR>If he's getting off work, right now especially, he should be aching to get home to his new wife! The only female he should be spending time with alone is you! I would be worrying out my find if I were you. It worries me that he gets off work and goes to see her- alone- instead of coming home to you.<BR>You should go to him and tell him that this relationship is making you very uneasy. Explain to him, that you don't necessarily not trust him, but that this relationship is a cause of concern for you. Ask that for your sake, he end the visits. Instead invite her over to dinner with the two of you. No more visits alone tho. <BR>They can be very dangerous.<BR>Please, tell him how you feel. Don't deal with this alone.<BR>=)<BR>I'll be praying for you.<BR>I too am a Christian who has just moved and not yet found a church. I too long for a Christian couple to associate with, go out with, etc. Christian fellowship is very important. Good luck in your search! and your marriage!