There are a lot of issues that my husband and I are dealing with. 95% of them deal with his ex and his two kids. My husband is a wonderful person. He is truly the angel Go sent to me. My problem is that for the six months that we have been married we are no longer making up for where the other is weak. Since I make in a week, what he makes in a month (after child support and insurance for his kids) he and I both are very unhappy. We both feel like the husband should be the breadwinner. I told him this before I married him.<P>I just graduated from college and he is still in school. I am going back to school in the winter term. I hate cleaning, but he like to have a clean house. So I suggested that I work and go to school and he take care of the home until he can finsih with school. He hated this idea, but our home is now being neglected. When i talk to him about something, I try to be as getle as I can, but we usually argue because he is offended by what I have said. For example him staying home to clean. I know that I can do it because I only work three days week, but we would not miss the money that makes from working if he stayed home. And, I hate doing it. I can't talk to him about anything without him becoming defensive. No matter how I say it, he gets upset.<P>Can the two of us ever be a team with all the extra things from his past in our way? His kids are a major source of tension because I always feel like I am giving more to our relationship than he is. What it seems that we have been doing unintentionally is not meeting one another's needs because our need is not being met. I know that it is not fair but when he won't clean, I won't have sex (this is a totally seperate issue though, I have no desire even if he does), so he won't talk to me, on and on. CAn we be a team? If so, How exactly can we do that? (I am not having sex because I have not had a desire to for months, even if he met my needs the desire would still be gone.)

You obviously see all the problems clearly and have the desire to work them out, the challenge becomes what is most important restoring your marriage or being right and living by principle?<BR>You sound unwilling to concede on some points because you are right or it's the logical sloution (which in the end will make you happy). Marriage is not 50/50 it's filling in wherever the other is weak. And you need to worry about YOU filling in where he is weak not that He is not filling in where you are weak and then playing a tit for tat. If we start with ourselves we are much better off than waiting for theother one to go first. Compromise is ideal and works well but I don't remember that being the vow we take at the alter, we vow to do and to be there under all circumstances, not just the ones we like or think are fair.<BR>The two of you HAVE to get back on one accord before you can even deal with the outside issues of his children.