Roscoe, my husband says that sex before marriage was nothing like sex after marriage. He says that the emotional and spiritual side actually make the physical side feel a whole lot better. Um, he would orgasm about 20% of the time with other women. Yeah, I know that's unusual for a guy. Even with me, he'd come about 50% for the first couple months we had sex. He never came from a blow job, never came inside a woman without a condom on (and rarely did that, anyway, usually it was him hoping to pull out in time)...I don't know why anyone would keep doing something so half-assed, but he says at the time, he thought he was having fun. It's like he was eating ice-milk and finally got to some Haagen-Daaz. <P>It's hard for me to understand that, since people sometimes say they like uncommitted sex the best, etc. My husband says their idiots and haven't had anything better, and they just don't know what they're missing. It's easy for me to agree with that statement, but I don't have any personal experience with it. However, I do know that the couple times I've had sex with my husband when I was still a little upset with him, it didn't feel very good at all. It was still something I would have called "good" if I hadn't know better, but it was not the normal "lose all awareness of everything else" type of thing that sex usually is for me. And believe me, I was trying my best to get into it. It just didn't work. <P>dec10 - I've read that article before. I feel the same way about my husband, though. He didn't treat himself or sex very special, so it's hard for me to think of it differently from how he treated it. I think many women are in denial about how men view them when they're promiscuous.<P>sweetjane - It wouldn't bother you ifyour husband has flashbacks to having sex with other women while he has sex with you?<P>It wouldn't bother you if your husband never said your name during sex, and you just knew it was because he didn't want to say the wrong one?<P>It wouldn't bother you that he put you at risk for STD's, stupidly and needlessly? Even when he assured you that he'd been tested and was clean (but he wasn't)?<P>It wouldn't bother you if he'd been arrested for sexual things in the past, and lied to you about it?<P>It wouldn't bother you if he cheated on other girlfriends, then lied to you about that, too?<P>It doesn't bother you that somebody else got to share with him all the "opening up" and wonderment of having sex for the first time? My husband's first time sucked, I can't be envious of the girl who did it with him. But if he'd waited for me, it would have been great. That's what I miss.

I too think that article is wrong. It seems to me that it would go both ways - that women would worry about mens' sexual past as well. Overall I thought the article was BS. I bet about 20% of the population might feel that way.<P>I think problems arise when one person has had more considerably more partners that the other. When past experience is fairly equal - it's not an issue to either person. Which, to me, would be a good argument for women to experiment with other people before getting married. Then neither person would have idealistic or unrealistic expectations of the other. Almost all of the posts on this topic are from people who were virgins when they got married and their spouse was not. I suppose the answer would be for people to marry someone with a similar sexual past. Virgins marry virgins. :-)<P>prettygarnett - I never said those things wouldn't bother me. Our sexual pasts were not an issue to us. My husband has never had any occasion to lie to me about his past because I'm not bothered by it. Had he been arrested for something involving sex (the only things I can imagine here is picking up a prostitute or statutory rape) I would probably have some concerns. That's kind of off the topic though. What I said was that the number of partners either of us have had is not an issue. As to him losing his virginity to someone else - I would actually be very concerned if he had made it to 35 without having slept with someone else. Your first, second, fifth etc. time doesn't matter - it's how you feel about the person you're with right now. <P>I do think its odd that your husband told you he thinks about past experiences when he's with you. I've never done that and my husband says he never has either. When I'm with him, I'm absolutely just with him and he's said the same.

Im right there with ya on this. I read every word. I had sex with 3 partners before I married my husband. He had sex with maybe 100 slutty women. Yet, now, it is tough for me to even get sex out of him. <P>we have intercourse about every few months and hand-jobs every week ( only because I have demanded at least some sexual satisfaction once a week). I hate my sex life. With my other long term partners, sex was easy yet special and I got enough of it with no big deal. This guy, my husband, I don't know what he wants half the time. I know he won't give me oral sex. About all I get is a good hand-job or play with a sex toy. I went thru months where I felt I was not good enough in bed for him. <P>I tried to find reasons he would not approach me for sex like other normal men did. I yelled at him once that he had ruined his and our sex life by sleeping with all those sluts. He says he never was that aggresive in getting sex so he had to go to slutty, more aggressive type women to get it. <P>Why did he have sex with all those many strange bar sluts?????!!!! And why is he not a passionate expert in bed now that he has had all this experiance? He has the same problems described in this thread. He hardly ever gets off during intercourse, never during oral and most times during hand-job sex if I do it just right for at least 1/2 hours. <P>His morals really were bad. He drank, smoked, took drugs and slept with all these women. I don't know why I love him so much except that was all in his distant past (he tells me).<P>Why did I maintain such sexual control for when he let loose sexually!? It is not fair that I was so darn careful. I only had sex with very very close boyfriends in long term safe relationships. He had it with strangers. I am still so mad about this. <P>If I did not love him so much and want so much to be on his sexual level, it would NOT bother me so much. BUT HE RUINIED THE POSSIBILITY THAT WE WOULD EVER BE ON THE SAME SEXUAL LEVEL! By opening himself up sexually to many crazy, slutty women sex became "not special". He even said to me once, what is the big deal, it is only sex! <P>I wish I would get over this issue but I feel it has been three years and I am not over it yet and I cannot understand anyone having numerous strange sex partners without wanting a relationship.<P>He brags about never having to pay for sex. ( like a prostitute) Wow, I am so proud of him...he may as well have paid since he did pay on an emotional level and spiritual level as well as our sex life suffers now because of it. More than he knows. Was he stupid????I can't figure out how he could get drunk and have sex with sluts. I asked him one day,"did'nt your parents ever teach you any morals???"<P>I told him I was going to counseling about this issue but he said NO. And opened up to me a tiny bit more. I am still trying to get a grasp on what will make our sex life better and make me forgive him and forget about his immoral past. Why couldnt I just meet someone who was sexually on my level??? We are perfectly compatable on all other levels but the sexual one. That is what is so painful. <P>I could go on and on about how rejected I feel. I feel if he could have sex with strangers, why does he not want it from me very often??? I asked him if he would mind if we had an open relationship so I could go out and have sex with some more men to make our pasts equal and he said NO!. Of course I would not do that, I have morals....

I'm just glad my husband doesn't have any STDS that we know of. Of course, 99.9% of all cases of cervial cancer are because of HPV, and there's no test for HPV, and 70% of all sexual active singles have it...so who knows what the future will bring. <P>I am still a lot better with this than I was before. The 15 year old bothers me the most. He was a monster. He's nothing like that now, and it's hard for me to separate the criminal jerk from the man I know now. It's worse because he lied to me, too. The worst part is...even if he gave me something deadly, I still would love him. The man did the same thing as pointing a gun to my head and pulling the trigger, then telling me he didn't think the gun was loaded, and I would still love him even if there WAS a bullet in there.