Long story but I will try to shorten it as much as possible.<BR>I have been divorced for 7 months.<BR>My XH had a 4 year affair with an old high school girlfriend. During the affair, I had the opportunity to talk to her XH twice. The OW's divorce was final 3 days after my divorce. Since I had not talked to the OWX for a year, I sent him a card in the mail just to let him know that I was praying for him and his daughter since I was going through the same thing. He called me and we ended up having supper together the following night. We became very good friends over the next couple of months because of this tragedy. During this time, his X decided that she did not like being lonely so she wanted her X back since my X broke things off with her for someone else. She tormented her XH with guilt for not putting their family back together now that she was ready to be the kind of wife he always wanted her to be. In December, he agreed to try to see if he could get past the "past" and put the family back together. After several days, he realized that this was not what he wanted and decided that this time he could leave with a clear conscious. She informed him in January that she was pregnant. <BR>During all of this ugliness, I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. He was honest with me during this whole time about the situation with his X and told me that he did have sex with his X when he went back in Dec. (Sex was a weapon that his X used against him to hurt him so this was a big issue that he had to deal with when he went back.) We have been going to counseling since the end of December to help us get past the "past" and to make sure that our relationship was one that was based on love and not need. <BR>My problem is how do I handle the new baby? The woman put me through h$#l for the past 4 years and now I might help raise her new baby? Has this ever happened to anyone and if so how did you handle the situation? By the way, the OW absolutely hates me claiming that I am the sole reason her X did not come back home for good. She claims that he made her have an affair because he was not there for her. She takes absolutely no responsibility for the affair that she had. The pregnancy was a trap that she set but it backfired in her face.

Smacks,<BR>I'm curious, what does your X think of you having a relationship with her X?<BR>Also do you have any children?<BR>IMO you have only been divorced for what 7 months? You have only just begun the process. How long were you married?<BR>I have been divorced for 4 yrs now and reflecting back I can see how I evolved.<BR>The 1st guy I dated after my D was good for me at the time BUT he ended up being posion. I spent a lot of time looking in the mirror to see what I liked and what I didn't. Then I had to go to a seminar for work about how companies go through change and the title was "Change or Fail". I didn't pay attention at all to what was being said because I was so caught up in how I needed to change or fail again. I knew someday I wanted to get married again and make it last forever. <BR>Youand this other man forgiveme for sounding so harsh but you guys are still clueless. You haven't even been around the block yet. Trust me and let him go. Too much baggage for you right now. You have just went from the pt into the fryin pan.<BR>The good thing is that you are takng the first step to questioning the relationship because you are asking for help here. That is the first sign of some self awareness. Don't stop looking for those red flags and listen to how you are feeling if it doesn't feel good somehings wrong and only you can decied what to do for you. Be true to yourself first.<BR>OK, so I'm done with my sermon....sorry<BR>CBC

I think her pregnancy is a blessing in disguise! Run! Now!<P>I have been in a similar situation and felt much like you do now. I can't say what is going on with you as we all walk our own path, but since so much of what goes on here is nothing new, you may be in the same situation I was.<P>Basically, I thought I was so in love. this wasn't some short term infatuation, but it lasted a year and a half before I did anything about it. The marriage was dead, and I thought I was healthy and ready to move on. The heavenly bliss did not last long. I quickly realized that I was much more needy than I thought and having that man in particular was part of my healing. That man helped me to realize what I wanted and what I didn't want. He helped me see patterns in that and the past relationship. <P>I learned and grew from it, but it wasn't love. It was a band-aid on my still broken heart. Yes, we were honest with each other as you say you and this guy are, but that doesn't make a crappy situation any better.<P>Look, you've lived with the horrors of your H and the OW. Do you really want to prolong that agony by signing up for round two? I think you still have some issues to work out. Deal with that stuff and let the past go. In 6 months you will be asking yourself why you ever thought you loved that guy. Trust me.