These topics really hit me hard. My fiancee and I have been dating for three years and engaged for two. We both just graduated from college and are looking for jobs. The past year has been kindof tough on both of us, we went through a time of not really knowing what we wanted and we kindof grew apart somewhat, both involved in school, ect and we didn't take the time to nurture our relationship or each other, we were on auto pilot. For a week or so we even discussed whether we should even still be together, however we reconciled and were fine for a month or so and then all of a sudden it was there again. . I don't really think it ever went away, just kindof buried. But, then we spent a week together and rediscovered all the things we fell in love for in the first place and things have been great since other than an occasional spat. .nothing big. Recently though I have found myself getting very impatient over the fact that we talk about getting married, are engaged and we haven't set a date, and I just feel so aggravated when people are always asking when the wedding is. .ect. I know it's probably Satan, trying to play on an area of insecurity. .ect. Satan is also feeding me the lines of "If he loved you he would be marrying you now", "He doesn't really want to marry you"ect. . But how do I win this battle, you mention, being patient, how did you do it? I am normally a VERY patient person, but I find myself becoming impatient in this area. .please HELP!<p>[This message has been edited by nlove (edited August 05, 2001).]

nlove,<P>Trust me ... Patience is not my virtue! I am nowhere near patience. It is a very hard thing but you know ... it was worth it all. <P>We have to remember that God is in complete control of our lives. I don't know about you but I want God's ordained perfect will for my life and I don't want to mess it up with what I see as "perfect timing." Only God's time is perfect. <P>I use to hear the words, "When are you ever going to find someone and settle down?" I hate it when people do that. Do they think that it is my choice to be single for the rest of my life? NO! Now that I am on the other side of the coin and am engaged, I can look back to my single years and be grateful. God used me during those times to grow closer to Him. Because I was growing closer to Him, it was not my time for marriage. <P>Don't listen to Satan's lies. They aren't worth it! Search the truth! Seek God's desires that He has put into your heart. <P>I do suggest that you sit down with your fiance and find out what he sees the future to hold. What is his time frame? Communication is the key. If you feel you are ready but he is not, there is a problem. Both of you need to seek God's will for your lives. Pray and fast over your relationship. Communicate with God and communicate with each other. <P>nlove, you and your fiance are in my prayers today!

Hi, nlove,<BR>This isn't a topic I can address with much wisdom-- my situation is quite the opposite of yours. But it did occur to me that if you are both still looking for jobs, your fiance may be ill-at-ease about setting a date until your financial situations are a little more stable. Especially if the two of you are going to be contributing to the cost of your wedding. Perhaps he even feels it would be irresponsible to set a date until he and you have the means to start putting money away for the wedding or for life after the wedding. I agree it should be something the two of you can discuss openly, and I agree with pup that it's a good idea to pray about it. I'll keep you in my prayers!<P>I have a close friend who was kind of in your shoes- she and her BF finished school and were pretty clear about wanting to get married, but he had some anxieties about making ends meet and they waited awhile before marrying. Now they have been married almost a year and are very happy-- she says that, although it was tough to wait, she feels their first year was all the more rich because he felt truly ready when they did marry.<P>Good luck!<P>------------------<BR>GT

Ditto with Getting Tired. Very well spoken!

THanks so much for the replies! It is so nice to have encouragement from others and to see other viewpoints. . SOmetimes it seems all I see is waiting till the wedding. .but sometimes I fail to see that there is life past it and that is only one day of the rest of our lives together. My fiance and I talked today actually about this issue, and he said that he doesn't want to get married right away b/c he isn't sure he's ready he feels he needs to grow more as an individual, ect. .(what is that?)I think he is also feeling alot of pressure from his family to get married and be on his own, and he is one of those people who is kindof stubborn and won't do something if someone pushes too hard. Which is one reason I don't really nag about getting married. Also I dont' want to get married if he is not ready, because that could be the cause of alot of problems down the road. But sometimes I think, is anyone ever completely "ready" to get married, I mean you never know what to expect or you can never pepare completely for something you have never done before, you know what I mean. But these are just some thoughts. . I have been praying about it alot and I'm really starting to feel some peace about the situation. . God has been showing me like you said that my timing is not always his timing ..and He knows what is best and he wants the best for me so I should trust him. But that is hard to do sometimes. . I know it shouldn't be but. . Well just thought I'd let you know what he said and get some feedback on what ya'll think. . Thanks again for your responses, they REALLY REALLY helped. .it's nice to know that there are others going through the same things. .Thank you for the prayers too, they are much appreciated.

I forgot to say that I really hadn't thought about the financial perspective, I knew that is why we are waiting to get married but I hadn't thought that could be a reason he doesn't want to set a date, and may feel unprepared for marriage right now. .THanks ! Also let me ask. .what do you view love as ? DO you think it is a choice or that it should be based on feelings. .My fiance and I were talking about that tonight .. just wondering. .

Good question. <P>I think that we first need to look up the definition of love in the dictionary. <BR>"A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness." So the dictionary basically describes love as a feeling that comes from a deep relationship or oneness.<P>Now, lets look at God's Word. First, lets look at the famous 1 Corinthians 13:4-8;<BR>“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Loves does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.”<BR>1 John 3:16;<BR>“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”<BR>1 John 3:18;<BR>“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”<BR>1 John 4:7-21<BR>“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the Day of Judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”<P>I think that really what you are asking goes hand in hand. Love is a show of intense emotions for someone and with that feeling of love comes the fruits of that Spirit; kind, not envious, not boastful, not rude, etc. (If you look closely, those are all definitions of God.) God is love. We are to exemplify that love. God chose to show His love, grace and mercy to us. It is a commandment to love everyone. I do believe that when you talk about the love between a husband and wife, you choose to show that person your love. I also believe that God had a HUGE part in that choice. He loves us and wants the best for us. So, through seeking God’s Word, prayer, and obedience, God reveals that “best” for us and allows that love to blossom. Love is from God. We must always keep that in mind. <BR> <BR>I hope that I made sense and didn’t ramble. I encourage you and your fiancé to do a word search for love in the Bible. You will find some interesting stuff! <P>By the way, I think that it is great that your fiancé doesn’t want to jump into a marriage and that he wants to mature, become more financially stable, etc. You are right in that you can’t prepare enough for something that you have never done before. It’s a whole new ballgame after you are married... so I am told. I think that is very important that God works out all the junk before you enter marriage. You carry enough baggage into a marriage. It’s best to limit it to as little as possible.<P>You are on the right track. God is giving you a peace … that will sustain you until the day comes! <P>Remember you are loved by the creator of love! How blessed you are!!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by pup (edited August 08, 2001).]