I'm going to be get married here soon. I can't stand my soon to be MIL. She irritates me a lot. I usually am a person who gets along with everyone. This woman is something else. <P>First off she is friends with my FH's ex girlfriend who is the mother of his child. She talks to her all the time, in fact she even has a house key to his mom's house. At first I was not going to let it bother me. Every time I talk to her in person or on the phone she always mentions her name and talks about her. I can't stand it or take it. I'm so tired of it. I've already mentioned to my FH at one time "Who's side is she on" Meaning did she give birth to his ex girlfriend or him. Not to mention his ex girlfriend is like white trash and doesn't take care of his daughter real well not to mention she always leaves her daughter with a babysitter. His Daughter is always complaing to us that she never sees her Mom (meaning his ex girlfriend).<BR>Here's one story: We were selling my FH's house a year ago and she called him and asked him if he would let his ex girlfriend rent out the house from him or lower the price so she can buy it off of him. Can you believe that one?<P>Another Story...Just recently, she called and asked my FH if he still had the wedding rings from his x-wife (which is a different relationship from the ex girlfriend)? He said he did but he had them up for sale at jewlery store. She asked him if her boyfriend (his Mom's boyfriend) could buy them for her for thier engagement/wedding rings. Can you believe that? He almost told her yes, but then I had a talk with him and told him to say no because I think it is rude and also bad luck to buy your son's rings from another relationship... I did finally convince him not to sell the rings to her.<BR>We've been fighting a lot about that things she says or does. I'm getting tired of it. He won't stand up to her and tell her to stop talking about his ex girlfriend around me. He will stand up to me and argue about it. I've told him numerous of times that I feel like she wants him back with his ex girlfriend, but he says she doesn't say that. I don't think I believe him at all though.<P>Lastly, a more recent story...Just two weeks ago we went to a family reunion on his side of the family and she drove with us, I was definitely not looking forward to the trip since she was going with us. It was only like 30 min. into the 3 hour drive and she started talking about his ex girlfriend again. Telling us how miserable she is with her new boyfriend and that she remembers what it was like being with my fiancee. Can you believe that... I finally said "Well she made her own bed and now she has to lie in it" and I changed the subject. My FH just gave me this look and I gave him a look back. I'm getting so tired of hearing about his ex girlfriend's life and that she is sees her all the time. After that weekend of the family reunion my stomache was all upset during the weekend and afterwards for days since being with her made me feel like I was unwanted. <P>If anyone can give me some advice on how to take care of this situation, I would appreciate it. Because I love my FH and don't want her to mess up our future. I want to have a talk with his mom and tell her I don't appreciate her talking about his ex girlfriend like she's the greatest all the time, but I don't know how to say it or even if I should say something. Or if I should have my FH have a talk with her to get her to stop. Please advice anyone men or women. Has anyone felt like there future MIL is trying to get their FH back up with an ex? Or do you think I'm over reacting?

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. It has to be so hard to feel like your MIL doesn't accept you. Of course you will be dealing with the ex for a long time since they have a daughter together. I think the only thing that could make it bearable for me would to know that my husband/FH was supporting me. I hope he will be able to accept his responsibility as a husband and make you the number one person in his life. I don't know if you are a Christian, but the Bible says that when two people are married the husband *leaves* his father and mother and becomes one with his wife. He can't be married to you and his mother. If you are being disrespected by other people, I think it is his responsibility to stand up for you. It should be enought that you *feel* disrespected - even if he doesn't see it your way. You may end up having to talk to your MIL about it, but I have a feeling that she would be more willing to listen to your husband on the subject. I would try to let him know how you feel without being too harsh. It's a tough position for him too, but getting married is a life-changing step. He needs to start meeting your needs. I wish you the very best.

Bridetobe2002,<BR>Let me first congratulate you for the upcoming wedding.<P>I don't really have good advice but I think you can try to avoid your MIL, by not seeing her & not even talking to her. Things may get better after you got married. My brother-in-law doesn't like my parents and they haven't seen each other for few months already though they live 5 min. apart. Now it's like calm water. Very quiet, very calm. I guess both sides feel much better.<P>Also, I would like to say try not to put pressure on your FH. Don't make him to agree with you and stand on your side. Your relationship with him might get worse if you force him. <P>If you can't really avoid your MIL, just take it easy and just laugh off of what she said. As long as you know your FH loves you, then nothing really matter.<P>Hope this will help.<BR>Good luck.

Did you check out kittyblew's post in this section? She found a website that has apparently helped her a lot with her in laws.

Thanks for the advice from both women. I really do appreciate it. As for 4given, yes I am to a Christian. I do agree with you that I should come first. I'm not going to demand that I do come first. I do agree with you about becoming one and all I do know that scripture pretty well. I just don't think he will stand up for me when it comes to his mom and since he is her only child. Which makes things even more harder. I just want to showed some respect from his mother and her talking about his ex-girlfriend all of the time doesn't make me feel like I have it. I know I have to deal with his ex girlfriend for the rest of my life, I just don't want to hear about her life from my soon to be MIL. I don't think that is right. I don't like it that his ex girlfriend uses his mom to to be the go between person either. Sometimes his mom will call him to tell him that she talked to his ex and she told her that he is behind in child support. That is not her responsibility to have to call him and tell him that. His ex girlfriend should call him and talk to him directly. I just feel like he doesn't have the balls to stand up to his mom and tell her to stop talking to her about things. I hate the fact that when we go to visit and she asks questions about our life, in the back of my head I'm thinking is she trying to find out information so she can tell his ex girlfriend. I feel like whatever we say to her goes back to her and I don't want her knowing about life. <P>A year ago my FH got a increase in pay and like a month later we got a thing from the friend of the court saying that his ex girlfriend wants an increase in child support. I'm pretty sure I know how she found out, his mom told her that. She shouldn't be telling her things or talking to her like that. I don't think it is right for a mother to talk to the ex's like that and tell them information that they could use against their own children. I told him about it and that I think she told his ex and he got mad at me for thinking that she could do that. How does she find out so fast then? Not on her own that is for sure. He told his mom about his raise the day he got it. It's almost like we can't tell his mom anything in fear of her telling his ex girlfriend.<P>That is why I feel something should be said. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells every time we go over there or when she calls. I don't even answer the phone anymore since we do have caller ID, when I see it's her calling us, I hand the phone over to him.<BR>This is going to be our second marriage for both of us and we have a hard time just dealing with other issues and then to have this to add makes things harder for us.<BR>Thank you for your advice and feedback, I really do appreciate it. I will considering both of your responses.<BR>It's so nice to have something like MB, I'm learning so much.. I just wish he would write book about Mother In Laws and how to get along with them.<P>I will try to stay away from her more often, but it's hard when you have kids. Sometimes I just let him go and take his daughter there and I stay home because I don't like being put in that situation.<P>I know if it was my mom and she was doing this to FH, I would stand up to her and tell her not to talk about my ex. To me it's a simple request, but to him it doesn't seem like that. All I want is for him to talk to her and tell her to stop and that he doesn't like when she talks about his ex. Who knows if it will happen, the next time I talk to him I'm going to mention something again to him if he can have a talk with his mom about it.

Yes, I did see that web site, and I also make a book mark to it and sent it to a couple of my friends who also have problems with their in laws. I'm glad someone made a site like that. It is very helpful. Not to mention I hear other stories about women who are going through more things than I am even. I feel bad for them.<BR>It's hard enough these days being married and keeping the relationship great, then on top of that to have a MIL or FIL causing/creating problems.<BR>I'm so glad I found this site, everyone's advice has been so great on here!