Hi. If you do not know my story you can read about it here (first page), and here (second page).<p>Today the strangest thing has happened. I passed by the apartment we shared (which she has not left yet) and was about to ring the bell when she stepped out. She even smiled when she saw me. Well, I spoke with her for a few minutes, and I realized how much I care for her, how much I miss her, but also how much I don't really want her back immediately. I mean, sure I love her, but she is so 'lost'. She says she does miss "things" but that she does not miss *me*. When I mentioned today the fact that I was worried because she was dating her boss she laughed hysterically and said "he isn't my boss anymore", because she now has a new supervisor, but the 'boss' is still the guy who owns the whole thing so it really makes no difference. I also mentioned that she dumped me and started dating him immediately and she said it wasn't so fast, it was like she just doesn't get it, living in another kind of world or something. She alsow mentioned that she really likes the guy, likes the wey he treats his employees, his clients, her (of course) and his daughters (strange since she has not met them). Anyway, I kind of felt sorry for her and this has helped me let go. She was so defensive... so I even told her that I was not 'chasing' her to come back, that I would not have her back just as simple as that, that I was just worried and missed her. Well, perhaps I blew it... but somehow I feel better now. She seemed in a hurry so I asked her to call me when/if she wanted to talk, and wished her luck.<p>So now my plan is to just not contact her anymore unless it is really important, send a note fron time to time saying she can count on me and rebuilding my life. Any suggestions?

I guess it all boils down to this guy, he is such a father figure, older and calm, he does not make her afraid. I know by some relatives that she is taking the guy to meet her familiy this weekend. I feel so replaced... I wish there were something I could do but I do not know what. How can I keep hope alive in myself?

Hmmm. I seem to be talking to myself here. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

there is not much traffic here on this thread. Post in the Emotions thread or the GQII thread on this site. There is a lot more traffic there for you to get a response.<p>I know the feeling your going through. Just about everyone on this site does. <p>I have not read your complete thread, but post it in the threads I mentioned you will get good advice<p>Stay Strong!<p>Wallace

Thank You Wallace. The thing about the other topics is that most cases are married couples, and me and my GF were not married, so I also posted here in a quest to interact with people that have lived experiences more similar to mine.

Sounds like you are handling this fairly well in spite of the hurt. <p>If she doesn't want to get back together then it is best to move with your life and you will find someone who wants to be with you because of who you are.<p>I'm 33 and think I have finally met the man I am to marry, it's been a long hard struggle but the wait is worth it!<p>All the best to you.

Thank You kary for your support. I am meeting a former girlfriend tonight and I might actually enjoy myself, some nice, honest, sincere affection will do me good I guess.

Just keep working on youself. I read your other posts. Get your career on track first. Read all the MB site. And I agree, if you love someone, set them free. I wish you only happiness.

Ignacio,<p>I found MB before my H and I married. We were engaged and already experiencing trouble. I wish now that I didn't fight for his love and just moved on - I've had heart ache after heart ache. I know that's not what you want to hear, I know it hurts to feel replaced, but try to look at this as a blessing. She really has done you a favor. Sure relationships are work and sometimes hard work, but if you have to fight for someone's love then is it really love?! That's more a rhetorical and I think geared towards myself. Sigh<p>Keep your chin up, do something for yourself that you haven't done in a while!<p>Okay, I posted the above before reading your story. Your cheating puts quite a twist on things. My H also cheated before we married. A codependant relationship is very unhealthy. You betrayed her in the worst way and I'm sure the past year was extremely emotional for her. Breaking up with you now was probably not an easy decision for her as she probably struggled with it the whole year. <p>Are you still in counseling? How can you guarentee her your toal faithfulness now if you were to marry? If you cheated already chances are good you'll do it again when you feel distanced and depressed. Do you know WHY you cheated? Did you have these love feelings for her again before she left or since she left? I think it's important to figure that out.<p>Good luck!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ June 23, 2002: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</p>

Free2BMe, you aske great questions. Thank You for reading my story. <p>>You betrayed her in the worst way and I'm sure the past year
> was extremely emotional for her. Breaking up with you now
> was probably not an easy decision for her as she probably
> struggled with it the whole year. <p>Exactly. <p>> Are you still in counseling? How can you guarentee her your total
> faithfulness now if you were to marry? If you cheated already
> chances are good you'll do it again when you feel distanced
> and depressed.<p>Yes, I am still seing this great therapist, he is very good at helping me accept myself, reprocessing my experience and changing. It has now been almost a year of therapy and it has been perhaps one of the best things that has happened to me in my whol life.<p>I think nobody can really guarentee to never cheat. But on several occasions, and even in the last few months I did feel distanced and was troubled but I did not cheat at all. I managed to express my needs, and It might be that I overdid it, which might have influenced her leaving me. <p>> Do you know WHY you cheated?<p>Yes, I was not getting what I needed and did not know how to ask for it. Also, I was mad at her for not loving me, for not making plans with me and so forth. She know about this.<p>> Did you have these love feelings for her again before she left
> or since she left? I think it's important to figure that out.<p>Both and more. My deep feeling for her have not changed in the last months really, I can see now I am angry because I feel replaced and I am sad becasue she is gone, but I still feel very strongly that I love her, even though I already met somebody else which has made quite an impression on me. Even though she is already practically living with her boss. Not only that I care for her and would go out of my way to make her happy if I could, but also I would try to rebuild our relationship if she were willing. And if she is not willing, I accept that and I think I can even be her friend. I actually feel I need to be her friend, and I want her to count on me in some way even though we are not together anymore. Hard to explain.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>and I want her to count on me in some way even though we are not together anymore. Hard to explain.<hr></blockquote><p>I understand this. When my H broke our engagement at one point (and quite out of the blue and before I knew anything about his As) I told our Pastor that if I needed to love him from afar I would stay on the out skirts of his life out of my love for him.<p>I'm pleased to hear how positive your therapy has gone. My H and I have been in and out since before we married both individually and as a couple. My H has childhood issues to deal with and every time the C would start to make head way with him, he would stop going. He has just made contact with another therapist and I hope he can stay with it as it's a requirement for our reconciliation (and to see results, not just go through the motions).<p>I wish you all the best no matter what direction your path may go!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]