ST, I may not know your whole story but I feel your pain and ambivalence in letting go. When you said you don't feel depressed any more, that's a good sign that you are slowly going through the acceptance phase. I think that death of a marriage mirrors an actual death of a loved one. You go through very similar phase. First comes shock/disbelief, then anger, then blame, and finally acceptance. I wrote a poem for you. It shows how one must give in to pain before a new beginning starts. I hope you like it.

New Life Will Take Its Turn

Why must it hurt so bad to bid farewell to you?
The memories we've had, my love just can't let go.
Although the fact is known, we've gone two separate ways
My heart keeps wishing so, you'll come back here to stay
How can we work it out when one had given up?
How could I numb the pain or know just when to stop?
Like trees, my leaves must fall before new buds come out
Once springtime has begun , new leaves will come to sprout
Like rivers that run dry from summer's heat and scorch
Someday the rain would come and fill me up once more
In search to find my joy I know I have to learn
The pain of love as well till new life takes its turn.

SS

wow,

"The pain of love as well till new life takes its turn."

thats a Whitman or a Frost type of line and image.

Gorgeous simplicity oozes through that well thought out stanza. My hat is tipped. Good show shooting star, I enjoy your work.

peace
tim

SS- I am speechless, that is so beautiful!

You are right, my mind knows it is dead but my heart will not listen. I do not know when to let it go, but I can't move on. I am stuck in a rut and don't know which way to turn. I know I have lessons to learn and can't move on until I have learned them.

ShootingStar you have a way with words that I wish I had!

Please keep posting as you bring light to my days.
STTSI

I'm glad you like it ST. I wish I had the magic formula in healing wounds fast. Each individual is different so what may work for me doesn't mean will work for you. The big difference is I have 4 kids that occupy my mind a lot. I work 2 jobs and I do all the household stuff at home including driving the kids to dance, soccer, boyscout etc..they keep me grounded and I am strong because of them. I hate self-pity or other people feeling sorry for me. This kind of mentality helps me a lot too. I always believe I have some control on the direction of my life although God is the true Captain of my ship! oh, some bad news though...my work will soon be cutting off the internet use because of some people abusing it. (hey, not me ok?) I don't know when but when it does happen, you won't hear from me much anymore. I have an old pc that breaks down a lot at home. If I'm lucky, I might still be able to check out the site once in a while and post some more poems for you to read. Hang in there ST, there's definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. a year or two from now, you'll look back and smile and be glad you learned from this experience and moved on with a new life (-:

SS- I am glad you have so many things in your life to keep you busy. It makes life easier! I too went through boy scouts and just squeeked by and got my eagle award. Tell your son(s) to go all the way and get it!

I am self-employed and with the bad economy work is really slow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> But, I have friends and some new hobbies that help me to pass the time without thinking of my WW.

I am going to file for a legal seperation from my WW. Hopefully that way she will understand that I will not wait around for her forever. I have mixed feeling about doing this but I believe this is best for me.

I will keep looking for your posts!
Thanks
STTSI