Everytime I pray to GOD for a healing in our marriage I feel I hear the answer that it will be restored. My wife says GOD is telling her to be alone to be without a husband. How do I know that the answers I believe I am getting from GOD are actually fome GOD and not my mind trying to hold on to a dream and lying to myself? I have faith that GOD is telling me this will be a family renewed, restored and together. And my wife believes that GOD is telling her to be alone. <BR>How do we know it truly is GOD's voice? How do we truly know when it is GOD speaking to our minds and hearts, and not just our minds wrapping us up in a lie?<BR>I truly believe GOD is telling me that we are supposed to be together. I know there is free will and she also has her own will. And she has promised me that if GOD lays it on her heart that we will be together, should be together, she and I will fight for that.<P>Am I losing my faith in GOD? Is GOD really answering my prayers? Or am I just lying to myself about everything? How do I know for certain?

Hold onto your faith! You know that God loves you and your family. You know that you took your vows before God and that He ordains marriage. Those are pretty strong indicators that he wants you together. Read your Bible and don't give up praying. He will answer you in His time and in His way. Meanwhile I will join you in praying for your marriage.<P>Dear Lord,<BR> Please pray for Lonely Knight and his wife as they seek your will in their marriage. Lord, speak to them both in a clear way that will lead them straight to you. I lift each one of them up to you that you will hold them close and turn away the attacks that are coming from the enemy. Restore to them the joy of your salvation and the joy of their marriage. We know that you love each one and want what is best for each. I pray that you reveal your wisdom to this couple. In Jesus name, Amen

Wow! You sound the exact way I sounded a few months ago. Everyone would not believe what I felt God was telling me and I started thinking I was hearing wrong and was only being hopeful. But one day I just knew and promised to not give up on my marriage. God does not want any marriage to fail. He does not agree with divorce. Your wife seems confused and blinded by Satan right now. All you can do is pray and God will begin to answer your prayers to what you need to do. You also have to be patient and let it be God's timing when to save your marriage and I know that is the hardest thing to do. you have to just keep praying and not lose faith. Do not let Satan confuse you either. I will be praying for you and your wife. <BR><B> Everytime I pray to GOD for a healing in our marriage I feel I hear the answer that it will be restored. My wife says GOD is telling her to be alone to be without a husband. How do I know that the answers I believe I am getting from GOD are actually fome GOD and not my mind trying to hold on to a dream and lying to myself? I have faith that GOD is telling me this will be a family renewed, restored and together. And my wife believes that GOD is telling her to be alone. <BR>How do we know it truly is GOD's voice? How do we truly know when it is GOD speaking to our minds and hearts, and not just our minds wrapping us up in a lie?<BR>I truly believe GOD is telling me that we are supposed to be together. I know there is free will and she also has her own will. And she has promised me that if GOD lays it on her heart that we will be together, should be together, she and I will fight for that.<P>Am I losing my faith in GOD? Is GOD really answering my prayers? Or am I just lying to myself about everything? How do I know for certain?</B>[/QUOTE]<P>

I agree with hopeful now and praying wife!<P>Doubt is normal, but to confirm what God wants for your life it must agree with the Bible, and God's Character.<P>Ever since the fall of man, God has been in the "Re" business. After creating, "restoring" is what he does really well. <P>It is God's will that man not be alone, he hates divorce, he will not hear the prayer of a spouse who is not doing right by the other spouse, the first miracle Jesus performed was at a wedding, etc. etc.<P>So, it is okay to doubt for a minute - if it causes you to search out the truth, and to search out God's character to confirm His will. <P>So, maybe your wife is hearing something - but it isn't quite right. It might be okay for a husband and wife to not have sex for a short period of time - but that is so that a husband and wife can more fully concentrate on their relationship and prayer life with God. It is intended only for a short time, and not intended to destroy the marriage, this is for sure. And he does not want any of us to put ourselves in a situation where we may be tempted to go outside of our marriage.<P>Father, I pray for this husband, that you would help him to know your heart, seek your face, and to feel stronger about his resolve that you intend for his marriage to be restored.<P>In Jesus name, Amen.<BR>

I second what has been said above. In a great book that I read recently ("Into Abba's Arms" by Sandra Wilson), one of the basic premises was that the Deceiver lures us by approximating what God would have, but twisting it out of conformance with God's will and thereby pulling us away from Him. I'm seeing that now as my wife, who wants a "deeper, more meaningful relationship" than we now have is seeking one outside our marriage and is convinced (at least at some level) that this action is consistent with God's commands to be loving toward one another, etc. How twisted.<P>Anyway, Wilson had a good appendix regarding differentiating God's voice from Satan's (or "the world"). I wish I could quote them all back, but the ones that come to mind include:<P> 1) God's voice will always agree with His character and the basic premises of Scripture (Character: Loving, forgiving, pursuing, faithful; Scripture: "I hate divorce", "Cleave to the spouse of your youth", "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder" come to mind as some reminder's of His position on marriage).<P> 2) Given conflicting options, God's voice will most likely urge us to do the one that seems most unnatural (more uncomfortable) because one result of Man's fall is that his nature will pursue ease and comfort before it will pursue God. In my opinion, working to rebuild a relationship is much harder than walking away from it.<P> 3) God's voice most likely will call on an individual to change his behavior, outlook, and mindset while Satan's will call on others to change ("I need to work on contributing to our relationship" rather than "My spouse is the problem").<P>From the brief description you provided, I for one am absolutely certain what God's position is in your situation.<P>I am struggling with may of the same concerns as you, given the similarity of our situations. Stay strong in your faith! A verse in Jeremiah in which the Lord says: "I know the plans that I have for you, plans to bless you and prosper you, not plans to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" has been a great solace to me. <P>Another is that "All things work together for good for those that love the Lord". Know without a doubt that His plans for us are good, that He can work good in our situations even if the short-term outcome is not what we would prefer, and that He loves you and cares about you more than you can even imagine.<P>Sorry to ramble on so long, but know that you and your wife will be in my prayers. May God give you both clarity of vision and discernment as to His will along with the strength and courage to pursue Him above all things. May He draw you both close to Him, and in doing so draw you close to one another.<P>

Dear Lone_Knight,<P>I agree with the others....does what God is saying to you agree with scripture? He's already said "I hate divorce" and "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put ASUNDER." We all already know that God wants marriages to stay together. So what your wife is hearing is NOT from God. No way, no how.<P>Also, while I think praying for specifics is great and that we should be praying specifically for the restoration of our marriages (I definately do), try to remember to put your prayer priority on SEEKING GOD, not His hand. In other words, no matter HOW He answers our prayers, we still need to make sure we aren't seeking just the answer, just what He will do, but that we are seeking relationship with Him. He may answer it differently than we THINK he should answer it...His timing may be TOTALLY different than ours...and while I know God can change people's hearts, sometimes people's hearts can be so given over to sin, that it's hardened to God (you wife's). The Bible also says, "there is a way that seems right to man, but in the end, it leads to death." So you wife may sincerely think she's hearing from God, but nowhere in the Bible is her point of view backed up by scripture. By looking at scripture, that's how we can tell if what we're hearing from God is the truth or a lie.<P>I have the words to an old hymn "When Peace like a River" posted on my wall at work, right by my computer. I look at it many, many times thruout the day. The first verse says, "Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul."<P>I really try to think this way. It's very hard. I too am standing for the healing of my marriage. My H's heart is hard and thinks very much like your wife....that he's "supposed" to be doing what he's doing (in an affair!). I too feel that God will restore my marriage; however, mostly I am trying to take the responsibility to seek God, change what He's telling me to change about myself (that lead to our bad marriage), Plan A my H and then trust Him totally, no matter what happens (it is well with my soul).<P>Satan is back to lie #1 from the Garden of Eden..."Did God really say that...I don't think so!?!? You won't die!" (my interpretation)<P>Hmmmmm......<P>Hope this helps.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited June 08, 2000).]

Lone Knight,<BR>God hates divorce (reference Malachi.) God would never tell someone to get divorced. He left that to the unbeliever to leave the believer. A true believer is allowed to divorce for infidelity (adultery) provided the true believer has a hard heart.<P>I have studied it long and hard because I know I am a true believer and Jesus is Lord of my life. I don't have a hard heart to divorce my W. Yet, if my W is what she professes to be, she will want to do God's will. The same goes for your W. If she is saying that God is telling her to get a divorce rest assured that God ain't telling her to do that. That is her desire to do her own thing based on the lie that Satan has planted in her head. It is the itching ears thing again. I am sure she is finding anyone who will back her to justify her actions.<P>I feel you pain. Keep praying and God will answer your prayer. However, don preclude that He may allow you to divorce before He heals your marriage.<P>MONDO HUG!!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

I was reminded by the section of Mrs. O's post re: seeking God first, not specific action from Him of the words of a wise friend in talking about my situation. While I firmly believe that God's will is for the reconcilliation of troubled marriages and not for divorce, my friend reminded me that God endowed us all (including our spouses) with free will that allows each of us to choose not to seek or follow His plans. <P>Whether or not my wife does go through with divorce (and I see no current indication of second thoughts on her part), my role is to continue to seek God and His will. I sincerely believe that the healing of my marriage is a part of his plan, but I also believe very strongly that He is more interested in my relationship with Him than he is in my relationship with my wife.<P>With sincere faith, all things will work together for good; our God is an awesome God. The path may not be one that we can readily understand, but the destination is known.

I want to thank each and everyone of you for your thought and prayers. She still wants to file for divorce, she still wants to be alone and just live for her kids, her job, her friends and family. She wants me completely out of her life. I am now being treated for severe depression with both medication and counseling. I was not a perfect husband. In fact, I was quite the opposite. I was never physically abusive, but verbally ,and used silence a great deal. I never grew up and now I have to face losing it all because of Me. I still believe GOD wants this marriage to be restored, but it's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how to talk without it sounding like I want people to feel sorry for me. I just want to heal myself and then hope and pray that GOD driects me as HE wants and maybe sometime along the way, restore this marriage. I have even thought of suicide, but my 17 month old daughter is a reason to continue and that I don't want to go to hell for any reason, let alone suicide. I have to heal. I just don't know how, and then I can't stopp trying to repair the marriage by begging and pleading. All she can say is what about what SHE wants, what SHE needs. I feel like I am a lost cause. All I have is GOD and what little time I will be allowed to have with my daughter once the divorce is filed and becomes final.

Lone Knight<P>Please know that you are NOT a lost cause! You know now that God loves you and does want to help you in your life. I encourage you to continue with the medications and counseling. That will make a big difference to you. Commit to God and He will make you into the husband and father He wants you to be. We will pray that your wife will see the change in your life and believe the marriage will be different if she stays. Maybe she wants to see the changes before she considers staying in the marriage. Keep showing her that you are trying to make changes and that it is not an act just to get her to stay. Your daughter needs you whether your marriage is held together or not. Don't give up on that little one!

My wife and I had another conversation yestersay. We talked about alot of things and she says she understands a lot more and things I did make more sense, but she is tired of fighting and just wants to be alone. She is giving up on everything we as a family have the potential to be together, with each other, for each other and because of each other. I begged and pleaded for her and I to try a marriage counselor but she won't have any part of it. She said that she will go, with me, to the individiual counselor I am seeing to help me. Then she surprised me and said maybe later on down the road she would consider a marriage counselor. I had HOPE!!!!! But then it all fell apart again she kept saying I don't want to hear what she wants, what she needs. She doesn't want or need ANYTHING at all from me. She just wants to be alone. God wants her to be alone. She's been contacting lawyers to find out what she needs to do to file for divorce. She says she is going to call the realtor tomorrow (Monday June 12) To put the house up for sale. Everytime I find the slightest shred of hope, she kills it almost instantly. It's hard to see my faith grow. And it seems I've lost the ability to truly listen to her and for GOD since the medicines I have been prescribed have started working. It's like I'm walking in space. I still feel, but I don't feel the highs and lows anymore. She wants to quit. Nothing not even the greatest of marriages are easy and you have to continually fight for everything. Nothing good comes from anything is you just quit. That's what she is determined to do and as long as her friends are telling her she is right, that is exactly what she is going to do. QUIT.<BR>But I can't. I won't quit.<BR>

Last night I prayed and then I talked with my wife. She has always said things happen in GOD's time. And she had been praying for me to change every single day. Well I am now changing, I am now listening to GOD and then to my wife. I am seeing a counselor weekly and am still taking anti-depressant medication. But now that GOD's time has finally arrived for me to change and to follow HIS will, my wife completely gives up. So I asked her today that if GOD's Time finally came for me, your prayers are now answered. Why are you giving up now? Does GOD's time not really apply here, or just not to you. She couldn't, no she WOULDN'T answer my question. She said she gave up a year ago and has just been existing for the last year. Talk about making me feel like slime. But now that GOD feels that I am ready to take this journey and that my wife and our children are to be a complete family, she will not listen to it. Will not even HEAR it. All she wants to do is quit and run away. I am losing my mind over this but I still hear GOD telling me to hold on to the dream. I know that sometimes the answer to prayer is no, but I believe with all the faith that I have in me, that is IS GOD telling me it will never be over, even if she files for divorce, which she is. She is moving out as soon as she can get the utilities transfered over, so by the end of next week she will have left. We are still in need of prayer. It is to the point now that only a miracle will get her to change her mind and begin to want to fight for US again. I just hope and pray that all of these prayers will be heard and a might work will be done by GOD and the marriage will be saved before it ends in divorce and even seperation. But I also know that things happen when GOD says they will but only when HE is ready and certain we can handle the responsibility and the blessings he chooses to bestow upon us. I am learning, I am healing, and I am growing. I have a long way to go, but I am now moving forward instead of backwards. My wife still sees all my changes as a huge con and an act, but so help me Lord, they are not anything but real changes and growth. I'm about to go insane in writing this so I will close. Please continue to pray for our family in this time of need.<BR>GOD bless you all!!<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>

Lone Knight,<BR>I will be praying for you throughout the entire day tomorrow. I am going to try to keep you situation in my thoughts and prayers. I think you are doing exactly what God wants. I'm going to especially focus on strength and direction. Let God be your strength. Tess

My wife went to the other town to place a deposit on the house AND have the utilities transfered over. She is definately moving out and will have nothing to do with trying to save our marriage. She agreed to go with me to my counselor on Monday, but she says it's to help me realize that it really is over. I asked her if she was going to be truthful to the counselor and she said yes, but she might refuse to answer any questions he might ask. GOD keeps telling me that we will repair this marriage, but we can't if she refuses to do anything to save it. And when she does or says things like that, it destroys my faith, and she tells me it's not GOD answering me. It's my own mind wanting to believe in us so badly that it will say anything. Anything positive that my mind says will give me hope in something that will never be. She says it's not GOD, just my brain pretending to be GOD...... I am SO lost and don't know what to do. I still believe it is GOD's voice, and a small miracle was delivered in her agreeing to go to 2 counseling sessions with me. She is still moving out, still filing for divorce and still seeing the OM. No matter how high my hopes build up, no matter how strong my faith gets, she finds a way to detroy all my hopes and cause me to doubt my very own faith in GOD..... I'm at my wits end. My human end. It will have to be the grace of GOD that saves this marriage. I don't know what to do. I really fear I am losing my mind and that even though GOD is right here with me, I can't see HIM, feel Him, or feel any peace that HE walks with me. All I have in me is fear and defeat. Her mother wants us to repair the marriage, my mother wants us to repair the marriage. I want us to repair the marriage, all of the friends we have in common want us to repair the marriage, but she is surrounding herself with people telling her to just throw me away. Throw us away, throw our family away. She says she wants sole custody of our daughter and doesnt' want me to see her very often. She's only 18 months old.... She needs her daddy as much as daddy needs her, but my wife says as long as I am in counseling I will have a bad session and take everything out on the family and our daughter. I KNOW I WON'T. GOD WON'T let me down in that reguard. I don't know what to do, what to say, what to think, what to feel. I do truly feel defeated and hopeless now. I feel totally in the dark with no hope of seeing the light of day or the promise of a resotred marriage, but I will not ever give up believing that GOD will find a way. HE brought us together and will always want us to be together. Whether she listens and believes or not. I will not break my marriage vows. EVER. Pray for a miracle for this family. Thank you for all your prayers and help me not to give up.<BR>

Lone_Knight,<BR>When she says things like it is your mind telling you it is God is Satan talking through your W or one of His little demons who has possessed your W without her knowing. No, she won't know it because they take complete control. I think you said that your W is a professed Christian. That does not make her a true Christian. When she does become the real mccoy then she will be grieved by her indiscretions.<P>Her angry outbursts are a sign that you are doing what God wants you to do. Keep praying and hang in there. Focus on God by reading His word and listening to Christian radio where you hear sermons moreso than music. Immersion in His word is what will bring you the peace that you seek. I know because it is what has helped me get through 9 affiars. However, I think she is starting another one but i am not for sure. I stay because God asked me to marry her and He continues to ask me to stay because she is not stable from a chemical stand point which makes everything else out of whack.<P>I said a special prayer for all of us on this site. God will answer your prayer. You just have to be very patient. Her world is going to crumble because it is outside of God's will.<BR>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net <p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited June 25, 2000).]

Now she won't even talk to me at all. Her son will not talk to me. Everyone here is so secretive. She DID get the utilities transfered over, and she will start moving things to the new house tomorrow after she gets off work tonight. How can anyone save a marriage when the other person refuses to listen or even try? GOD IS telling me to hold on, but how? If everything seems so impossible and I believe with everything I have in me, and the marriage never heals, will it be because I didn't have enough faith? Will it be like GOD saying, well my child, you just couldn't muster up enough faith to get your prayers answered? Or will it just be because my mind is so sick and twisted it will believe anything? My wife has agreed to see my counselor with me tomorrow (Monday night) maybe this is the miracle I have been praying for, or it may be GOD telling me that there is nothing anyone, EVEN GOD can do and I will be alone for the rest of my life, hoping to see our daughter every once in a while. How do you have unshakable faith when everything in the heavens and earth seem to be against everything you are fighting for, everything you believe in, everything you KNOW GOD is telling you to fight for and believe in?<BR>Is it time for me to be commited to a mental institution? Everyone around me seems to be trying to drive me that way. Pray for miracles in the family. Pray for this family to find GOD together and rebuild this family and this marriage. Please help me stay strong through this storm of despair.<BR>

Fortunately we don't need a mountain of faith, just a mustard seeds worth and he will make it grow. I just read all of the posts and a thought came through that perhaps your wife needs to see the change in action and not words right now. That she needs to see you plan Aing, that she needs to see you as you are developing your relationship with the Father and how that pours out on those around you, that she needs to see the consistency of the changes you are making, so that she too can experience some hope for the marriage rather than feeling like this is some last ditch effort on your part (and I do believe you are sincere in your desire to rebuild your marriage)<P>And yes, He does things in His timing and for His purpose. Do your counseling thing, encourage your wife to come to help you identify those things that got in the way of your marriage and to help you really hear her heart. Continue to empty out the baggage we all tend to carry around with us, so that there is room to love as He loves. Love always prevails!

I know how it feels when everyone is against you. Everyone thinks I am CRAZY for even considering taking my H back. Granted he has done some rotten things(read my other posts) maybe alot, but he is still my H and the father of my son. I said my marraige vows infront of God and if he still wants out marraige to work I am very willing to give it a try. God does work in funny ways just keep believing and praying. Everyone here is becoming a stonger person(in their beliefs and as a person. My prayers are with you.

With the exception of a few items, She ha moved out of the house. I haven't heard from her since Wednesday night. I was supposed to be allowed to watch our daughter thursday night, but they never showed up. My daughter is supposed to be at My moms house tonight, and I will be able to pick her up and watch her Saturday night. My wife is supposed to pick her up sometime Sunday afternoon after my daughter and I go to church. They left the house in shambles, so I spent this evening, cleaning the house, mowing the yard, which hasn't been done in a month. My wife PROMISED me she would get my step son to mow it, but you see how that went. I did it ALL today. I feel like such a failure, I don't know how I can continue. My mind is a disaster, and I have lost my appetite, and little by little my faith seems to be fading away. GOD is STILL telling me to stand and fight for our marriage, but how? How can I fight when my wife won't even TALK To me? I pray endlessly everyday. SEveral hours each day are spent walking and talking with GOD, but with all the medication I am taking, I am not altogether certain I can even FEEL GOD around me anymore. Please continue to pray for this family. Thank you for everything each of you have done so far. It's one of the few things that give me reasons to hope and to smile.<BR>GOD bless each and everyone of you.<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>

You said: "GOD is STILL telling me to stand and fight for our marriage, but how? How can I fight when my wife won't even TALK To me?"<P>Lone Knight, go to AW's response to you from your most recent thread.<P>Your fight is not with your wife. If God wants you to fight for your marriage, then he wants you to fight spiritually.<P>PLEASE do the study that I asked you to look at in my previous response to you. And, take authority that you were given through Christ Jesus, and rebuke the devil. This is the fight you need to fight.<P>HOW you fight is with your words, (positive confession), your heart (out of the mouth comes the feelings from the heart) and through your belief and faith (I believe therefore I speak. I call those things that are not as things that are.)<P>This is powerful stuff. I think you are ready.<P>TnT