Hi everyone!<P>First of all, I just wanted to express how thankful and blessed I am to have found this site.<P>I solicit your prayers as I am in the process of divorcing my husband on the grounds of adultery. Despite my husband's affair, I tried effortlessly to reconcile with my husband, but to no avail. Currently, my husband is living with another woman and they have a 3-month old daughter as a result of the affair.<P>Please pray that I will have peace of mind behind the decision I made. Condsidering the situation, I feel I have no choice other than to get a divorce and move on with my life.<P>Thanks for listening!<P>Roxy

Roxy, please know you will have the support of all those here who have walked the walk. Many of us have been able to reconcile, many have not. Each of us has to do what is right for our own situation. It sounds as if you did everything you could under the circumstances. You can't second guess yourself. In time you will find peace with the decision you have made. Take care.

Thanks Janie!<P>I believe I'm doing the right thing, I just don't have the feelings behind it. I've gotten this far so I know I'll make it to the light at the end of the tunnel. God must have something really good in store for me and for each and every one of us that unfortunately found themselves at this site.

Oh, I am so sorry about your situation. I will keep you in my prayers.

Roxy,<P>I will pray for you and your family. I have learned that NO situation is hopeless no matter what the worlds tells us. I have learned that ONLY God can restore our marriages. If you stay here long will see I don't give up easy. Sometimes I will not post for a while because I am not lead to post. Your post spoke to me because it seem to say, is this the right thing? No one here or no one in this world can tell you what the right things are for you. The good news is that <BR>our Father in Heaven can tell you what He wants you to do.<BR>Please be sure you have seeked Him with all your heart. Seek His word and listen to others He may be using in your life.<BR>Remember His ways our higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. How do we know if something is of God or this world? We will know by their fruits. If it is good , it comes from above. Search your heart and Gods word and you will know His perfect will for you. <P>When I cried out to the Lord to know His will for me and my marriage, He was faithful and sent me to this web site. <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org." TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org.</A> God convicted me of many things I had done wrong in my marriage. He also showed me many things that only HE can do for me and my marriage. At the same time,I learned that this is not my battle but His to fight.<BR>I also learned a faith so strong that I can get out of the boat and walk on water with Jesus. Yes, I do sink some, but my Lord and Savior is ALWAYS there to reach out and save me.<BR>I have to get out of that boat everyday.Please go to this site and read the testimonies. I pray God speaks to you throught this site as He did me. The world will tell you things to do that do not line up with God's word. The flesh is easy to feed it takes Jesus to feed the spirit. Above all remember that your husband is not your enemy, Satan is the enemy. Your husband is his prisoner. Satan comes to steal, kill, and destory our families. This is a spiritual battle. I hope this will help you.<P>In Him,<BR>gentle<p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited May 25, 2001).]

Tryingtohope-<P>Thanks for your reply as well as the prayers. I need all the prayers I can get.<P>Gentle-<P>Thanks also for your reply and those wonderful words of support and encouragement. I just love this site. It is so spirit-filled and God-centered. I used to post on infidelity.com, but some of the people that post there only cause trouble and bring pain. I would leave there feeling just as depressed as when I went in. I would also visit the gloryb.com website and that was even worse. The way those women justify there behavior is sickening. Very few of the people on both of these sites realize that the answer to their problem is GOD, but it is quite clear to me that here everyone knows that God is the answer and He is bigger than any problem we can ever have.<P>Believe me when I say that there is not a day that goes by that I don't question the fact of wether I am doing God's will for my life by ending my marriage. Ever since I went to the courthouse and filed the divorce papers, I have not had 100% peace behind my decision. I believe that this is what God would have me to do because I don't believe that God ever intended for me to marry my husband. I am a believer and my husband is not. Although I pray, and pray, and pray, I don't think God is going to answer my prayer to restore my marriage beacuse it's a union He didn't want in the first place.<P>Of all the affairs that occur in the world today, I don't understand why God allowed my husband to be one of the ones to get the other woman pregnant. Maybe this was God's way of dealing with my husband, but it's affecting me and hurting me also. I hadn't even had the chance to give him a child yet! I was already dealing with one child from a previous relationship before we were married and here comes another child that was conceived during our marriage. Am I suppose to deal with this as well? I don't think so! There is only so much I can bear. While I don't have a problem with the child, I would have issues with the mother. Even if we tried to work things out, I could never tell my husband that this woman can't be a part of his life because she's the mother of his child. In most affairs, the other woman doesn't usually come out of it with the man, but she sure did. I can't help but think that she won!<BR>She stole my family and there's nothing I can do about it. I have prayed and cried, prayed and cried and prayed. I have prayed so much that I have run out of words to say. <P>If only my husband would have come to me in the beginning and been totally honest with me, we could have worked this out and there never would have been a child. I begged him to go to counseling with me and could only get him to go to one session. I really don't know how happy my husband is with this other woman. I just think he will make the best of it because he is already paying child support for one child so if he left her he would have to pay child support to two different women for two different children. This is not a good reason not to try and work things out, but it's all I can come up with. Then again, maybe he does love her and want to be with her. He has created a bond with her that will never be broken, not even by me, his wife. I doubt very seriously that my husband ever really and truly loved me. Maybe the sooner I accept this the quicker I can't get on with my life.<P>Hope to hear from you soon! Sorry this is so long.<P>Roxy

Dear Roxy ,<P> The other woman was sent by Satan,but she does not know it.Your husband "true bond" is with you,despite the circumstances.Please go to the site Gentle told you about,it will help you.<BR> I know you are in pain.God bless you.<P><BR> Love and prayers,beth

Dear Gentle,<BR> I stumbled onto this forum last night when I was too tired to think, or even post. Your sweet answer to Roxy hit me hard. My husband of 20 years left me 2 weeks ago with a note on the TV. He HAS filed the divorce papers. Immediately after reading his note, I felt God's peace, and knew God was doing a work in him. I never saw this coming, didn't have any clues, and am still shocked over this turn of events.<BR> However, after much soul-searching, I know what my own sins were, and believe me, I have confessed much in trying to recieve God's forgiveness. I know God will not forsake me, and has forgiven me. My husband would often mention us going back to church before he left. I feel God's conviction was already working in him on what he was contemplating doing. However, now he is not willing to talk to me, not willing to go to counseling...this makes it very hard to feel that we can heal this. <BR> I have (sometimes it goes away!) faith that this thing is not of God, and he will return my husband to me. But the doubts creep in, and lies crowd my mind by the father of lies. I know my husband is confused, convicted, shamed, and being led away by the devil and his companions (not to go into here...). My point in all this rambling is that I truly believe we will be reconciled and this marriage will be healed by God to be a witness for His goodness in time. My problem this morning (and it is very early - not sleeping too well tonight) is that I lose MY way, my faith, and then the doubts come in.<BR>When I first got his note, I was calm, maybe numb, but I knew God was at work. As each day passes, I am losing that faith I trusted a little more. I have moments, then whole hours where I am devastated and then have to literally cry out to God to envelope me again. Of course, he does!<BR> My husband, on the other hand, doesn't even realize the conviction he's under. I only pray that in his confusion and depair, he listens for the voice of God. I am willing to accept whatever God has for my future. I know I haven't been the perfect wife to my husband, but I was never unfaithful outside the marriage. Maybe I wasn't all a wife should be in the marriage, but I don't believe this marriage is "irretrievably broken" and I want my husband to know that too, and try counseling before this very final step of signing divorce papers.<BR> This post is way too long, but what I am asking for you to pray is that my husband can find his way to God, and pray for God to light the path for both of us. I don't know what God wants us to do, but I know God is doing a work, and I need to know that evil or the devil himself will not destroy my husband in the meantime.<BR>lupo<P>[QUOTE]Originally posted by gentle:<BR>[B]Roxy,<P>I have learned that ONLY God can restore our marriages The good news is that <BR>our Father in Heaven can tell you what He wants you to do.<BR>Please be sure you have seeked Him with all your heart. Seek His word and listen to others He may be using in your life.<BR>Remember His ways our higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts

Alone1-<P>Thanks so much for your response and your words of support and encouragement.<P>I try to remind myself daily that it is not me against my husband or me against the other woman, but it is God against satan, evil against good, right against wrong. As I'm sure you know it's not easy. Sometimes I can't help but wonder why God is allowing my husband's adultery to continue. He's not only hurting me and himself, but he's also being disrespectful and disobedient to God. I'm a child of God and when someone hurts me, they are hurting God also because when I hurt, God hurts. It's just that God can deal with it a lot better than I can.<P>Roxy

Dear Roxy,<P> I know your pain,I am living it,I cannot go into detail, because I do not wish to shame my husband.My H continues with adultery,and continues with a divorce,and I have been dealing with this trial beginning in Nov 1999.My sins are no better or worse than my husbands.I also was not a good wife,adultery is equal to other sins,such as being prideful,having other "Gods " before the Lord,etc.<BR> My trials continue, because I am a very stubborn person,as God wants to "mold " me I resist. That is why my husband adultery continues,to mold me into a better person.<BR> Have you gone to that Website?God will give you knowledge and peace thru it.<P> Love and Prayers,beth

Dear lupolady,<P>Thanks for your kind words. I praise God for them because I needed to here them today. This is a long hard road but, there are several here who believe God will heal their marriages. We will encourage you. Please go to the restore site and order the book. It will give you so much hope and wisdom. Remember, we can't heal anything, Jesus is the healer. God turns the heart which ever way He wants. It takes time, Gods time. Your right about God allowing this to happen. He bring you and your husband closer to Him. It will happen as long as you don't give up or in and do it <BR>GOD'S way. It doesn't matter if you see or talk to your husband right now. It is proably better that you don't. Your emotions are all charged up right now and you may say something you will regret. Please go to the <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> and read the testimonies. I will pray you go and seek God's will for your marriage.<P>In Him,<BR>gentle

Roxy,<P>I have wonder for years if my husband really loved me. I have learned that true love comes from God. God will give your husband that unconditional love we all seek in His time. I know it is hard, believe me I know, but wait on the Lord and it will happen. How do I know, because several years ago I questioned my love for my husband. I ask God to help me love my husband again. God is faithful an answered my prayer with a love so strong for my husband that I am willing to turn to God and follow His ways and wait for my husband. If God had not put this desire in me, then I would not have turn to Him to restore my marriage. I wasn't a Christian when I prayed for this love for my husband, so I did everything wrong because I didn't turn to God's ways. <BR>God's plans are perfect. We must allow Him to work in us and our husbands. I do hope this encourages you.<P>In Him,<BR>gentle<BR>

Dear Gentle, <BR> Isn't it amazing how God always sends us exactly what we need at exactly the moment we need it? ;-) And not a moment too soon, either. This is the hard part for me....I tend to want to have everything RIGHT NOW!!! Give me patience, Lord and DO IT NOW!!!<BR> That's the hardest part, waiting for God's timing. I know he's working a work in me, I know I will be a different wife to my husband in the future, I've learned a lot in just 3 weeks. But obviously, the work isn't finished yet, cause here we still are!<BR> I want to see Him work in my husband, though. That's the hardest part...not seeing the work in progress. Of course, it's not mine to see, he's the Lord's right now. But we are so close, and I can usually feel what he's feeling, and when I feel low, and sad, and depressed, I fear he's feeling those things too, and I want to see how God is doing with him. Pretty arrogant of me, huh?<BR> I will NOT give up or in, because I believe God put this marriage together and we were meant to be together...but I also feel that I have much more love for my husband now, and I want to tell him, show him, and I get afraid I won't get the opportunity (I know, I know, fear is not of God) :-{<BR> Today was a good day though. I talked to an attorney's office about retaining their services. After all, even though I don't believe God is going to let this marriage get to divorce court, everyone was telling me I gotta have counsel. Just as I suspected, the papers are not right, they're not legal and I am on very firm ground as far as having to do nothing! I love "DO NOTHING" - it brings to mind my favorite verse: "Be still, and know that I am God." If I only could remember that every day of my life, I would have saved myself a whole lot of grief in lots of situations!<BR> Again, thanks for the prayers. They made the difference in me making it through the day in style, or just a quivering mass of uncertainty.<BR> When will we ever learn, God will never forsake us or leave us?<BR> Lupo<BR>

YOU WROTE: "there are several here who believe God will heal their marriages. We will encourage you. I will pray you go and seek God's will for your marriage."<P>Dear Gentle,<BR> Yesterday I felt very good about where I was, and what God was showing me (and him, although I'm not supposed to worry about that :-> )<BR> But this morning I took the "Marriage Survival Test" or something or other, I think on Restorem.org, and it said my marriage was "terminal." Now I'm thinking that is God's will for this marriage.<BR> That was hard to take. It hit me hard. I realize I've done things wrong, and have vowed to God that given the chance I will be a better wife to my husband, confessing the things I've done wrong. But I found the site "MarriageBuilders.com" and have been reading there, too. According to their formula, I haven't met ANY of my husband's needs for a very long time. NOT ANY!! NO WONDER he turned to another woman. This makes me wonder why he would even want to come back to me. All we (apparently) have left at this point is our history. I mean, I feel lower than low. I had no idea I had so completely abandoned him in every way. I guess their little formula indicates I neglected not only his physical needs (sex), but emotional ones as well, for comfort, domestic support (keeping the house the way he wanted it - I work full time, I didn't devote a lot of my spare time to housecleaning), even admiration - having become in recent months a nagging, "*****y" wife complaining about the way he was doing things.<BR> I can't see why God would give me another chance, when I've obviously been killing my dear husband a little piece at a time for a long time, and he had emotionally checked out as well. If this OW is giving him ALL these things, not just sexual fulfillment, then what is there to come home to? I'm feeling very defeated today. I thought he would call yesterday about that very important check of his I've got in my possession, but he hasn't. In fact, I don't even think he got my messages, since I think he has turned off his cell phone, and is only recieving calls at her house. (I have the number, but I WILL NOT stoop so low as to call it).<BR>Lupo<P>

Some days things are terribly hard, and even seem unbearable. But within two days you will feel better. Ride it out and do everything you can not to call him in the down days or you'll stir up trouble. (I know!!)<P>But God is with you. Jesus loves you. This situation is in His hands, not yours. Give it over. Work on YOU. You can't love him if he's not there. But God can. He can take the love you have for your husband and draw your husband back to Him and to you.<P>When Restore says your marriage is terminal - they don't mean "Give up" - they mean "Start praying very quickly." You may go through a separation and even a divorce but Erin remarried her husband and so can you.<P>Don't despair. That's our enemy's favorite trick - to get you to despair and give up. Don't fall for old tricks. You know better deep down.<P>If you really find you can't get a grip and can't function, go see a doctor for help. You may need to take anti-depressants for a while and they might help you do what is right without despairing. You will be okay. Don't give up!!<BR>We are right with you. It is painful at first and then gets easier to handle. There are so many gifts of the Spirit that it compensates for the pain.<P>Trust - really trust.

Roxy, my prayers are with you.

Hi Roxy, Trust in the Lord and not the circumstances. Even Hosea in the old testament went thru what your going thru. He even raised illigitimate children, while his wife was out runnin around. God still wonderfully restored their marriage and family and Hosea loved the child like his own that really wasnt his. Restore ministries also said my marriage was terminal. All that means is i have to rely on the Lord and have faith. Faith is believing what you cant see. We can do all things thru Christ who strenthens us. Your in my prayers.<BR>Mark

I also recommend the restore site. It has helped me so much. The tapes are very good.My divorce was final in February of this year, but that's okay. The Lord will restore my marriage. My husband and I are getting along fine and we are friends. He told me in October he hated me, but he has seen changes in me. I pray all the time and one day I believe my husband will turn to the Lord and when he does, that is when my marriage will be restored to glorify God.

I use to really really want my marriage to be restored, but then I found out about the child my husband was going to have with the other woman and that's when I gave up hope. I will never understand what good God thought would come from a child being born in such a horrible situation.

Also, I filed for my divorce in April, my husband was served in May and he has 30 days to answer. As far as I know he hasn't responded as of yet. He's the one that wanted the divorce all along. Now that I've filed, he won't do his part. This is truly a no win situation.