Help!!! I am 27 years old and have been with my husband for 8 years and marrried almost 4 years. I was sexually abused all while growing up by my father and two step dads. I am an angry person and I do not know what to do. <p>I am having major problems with my husband and I do not know what to do about that either. We only have sex now about 3 times a month and it is really upsetting him because he does not understand what I am going through he does not understand depression. He is ready to leave me I do not want that to happen but he tells me that I have to change in order for this marriage to work. He is a wonderful husband I just do not know how to treat him. What can I do to make things better?<p>I am scared to take medication because my mother has taken anti- depressants every since I was a child and she is kind of addicted. I am about to loose my job because I am out of work nl less than 2 or 3 times a week my boss i fed up. I need help, I do not know what to do. Please pray for me.

Hi Sweetie - <p>You will be okay.<p>The first thing to do is start taking your medicine. If depression interferes with your job or your duties as a wife or Christian or your sleep, then you need to get professional help. The help you received advised you to take medicine to combat this depression. You need to "humble yourself and take up your cross", admitting the need for outside help and take your medicine.<p>Your brain has a chemical imbalance and you need to correct it or you will destroy what you have built or been given in your life.<p>If you had diabetes, would you worry about taking insulin? Depression is an illness. Relax about it and just follow the advice of a doctor.<p>As for your sex life, I think your husband is really exaggerating - three times a month doesn't qualify as abstention. But there again, if the depression is interfering with your relationship, leading you to feel out of control, trapped and angry, of course you don't feel like making love to your husband. Your medicine will help.<p>The same holds true for your job. It is already an excellent sign that they didn't fire you. Praise the Lord for honest people who obviously appreciate the work you do, praise Him for work, and go do what you are paid to do. Otherwise, it is actually a form of "Stealing" - to be paid and not to earn it. <p>I have depression too so I know you are not a "thief", but one day when I was praying I realized that I was sort of "stealing" my salary because of my depression - I wasn't giving the company their money's worth. Now I am and I feel SO MUCH better. You will too. You will give it all back and then some.<p>Keep loving your husband - he had nothing to do with what you suffered. You suffered the biggest trial that exists, I think, and so it is normal that you have some consequences, but the Lord heals and the fact that you know to ask us for prayer is telling me that God has a special plan for you in mind. You need to offer up your suffering as Jesus gave us His suffering.<p>I believe you will be okay but you need to be very active and actively fight this battle. Discipline will win it over. It is VERY hard to be disciplined in your condition but the Lord will help you and make everything beautiful and joyful for you as you draw closer to Him. You will never let Him go once you know the love of Jesus which is so superior to any human experience.<p>Jesus, I entrust Mrs. Hurt to Your Holy Name, and I ask you in Your Name to heal her and cover her with your love. Help her husband to know how to hold her and make her feel safe in his arms. Help her to know how to not drive him away. Amen.

Mrs. Hurt,<p>You are going through a lot of things I have been through. Take your medicine and keep in touch with your Doctor on this. Depression gets worse not better when untreated. Please go to this web site and order the book for women. I know it will help you. It changed my life. I will pray for you.
Keep hanging on.<p>
In Him,
gentle

Thank you both so much for your prayer.

Hang tight - it is a rough ride, really rough, but some days you will have the grace so big that it gets you through the next phase. Keep taking your medicine. You are going to be okay.<p>Jesus, please bless her profusely with your grace, love and wisdom. Lead us all back to you.

Mrs Hurt,<p>My heart goes out to you. The best thing you can do is speak openly & honestly to your husband about this. Do not let him wander if something other than what it is, is the matter with you. If he is not treating you right in some way, do not hide it, because you are afraid of conflict.<p>My wife was guilty of doing this. Also abused as a child, she went through a 2 yr bout of depression, and she hid some of her unhappiness with me in our Marriage, blaming everything on her childhood abuse, which was not true. I was not then in a position to make amands, or rectify any wrongs. All I saw, was a wife who spent her life on the couch, stayed up late watching TV, wouldn't get up even to wash, while I did the laundry, cleaned the house, saw to the kids, and held down a demanding job. We had sex once every 3 to 4 months at some point. She also went through numerous jobs, and stayed out often.<p>This didn't help her, and it didn't help me. It's wonderful that you can be aware that you have a problem that needs adressing. Do something positive NOW, while you have the will to change things.<p>TyringToHope has some wonderful advice, I af=gree that discipline is your answer, here. I have a credo: When in doubt, do SOMETHING!<p>It saddens me to admit this, but I think the best thing that happened for my wife, was to be away from me, so she could sort out some self-esteem issues. This may, or may not be the answer for you. I think that in everything I did, I protected my wife too much, until she rewarded me by having an affair. There were many times I was tempted to throw a bucket of water over her, as she lay lazing on the couch, but restraint, and understanding on my part prevented it. <p>You may enlist the assistance of your husband by asking him to take a "tough Love" stance on some issues with you, to help you "wake up and smell the coffee". If you need medication, do take it. Please be careful, as some medications will worsen your condition if , for example, you are mis-diagnosed, and are in fact, bi-polar. My own personal opinion is that medicines can help to stop the "vicious cycle" effect of depression, can can be successfully be done without, unless one has a serious imbalance. (I'm no expert)
In these matters it's best to seek the advice of professionals with OPPOSING viewpoints, so you can better make up your mind.<p>Get better SOON! and tell your husband that I wish him strength as well. If he doesn't understand depression, print out this forum page and show him what you have written, and what responses you have received.<p>Love to BOTH of you.
Muzohead