I am so thankful for this site....I know that God led me to first the book and then the website.<p>I'm not sure where to post since I'm new, but figured anything with prayer would be a great place to begin.<p>I am ashamed and disgraced to say that I had an affair on my husband of 10 years. Long story short, our marriage was lacking in a lot of things, he wasn't there for me, and I found myself in a situation I would never imagine I would be in. It was against everything I was raised to believe morally and I battled it for a long time, but lust finally pulled me over to the other side. The worst part of it all is that it was with my husband's older brother. We talked mostly thru email and then he would start suggesting things, etc. I got caught up in the excitement. I totally regret what I did. My husband doesn't know. What do I do now? I know Dr. Harley mentioned to never see/speak to the lover again, but what if it is family and I can't help but see him at functions? Christmas was extremely uncomfortable. And do I tell my husband? I went to a counselor at a church and she said to not say anything, since that would cause a wound in my husband and that we're not to inflict a wound....... ????? Please someone give me direction. I need to get this man out of my mind. I was so pulled in at one point I thought that his brother was the one for me and that we were meant to be together......I was so deceived. I'm trying to restore genuine love (emotionally and sexually) with my husband, but finding it hard.....<p>Thank you for any input/help on this. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

{{{Gm25}}} hugs to you. This is very difficult. Total honesty is always best. I am at a loss as to what to say. First of all, you might get more help under the infidelity section, under General Questions II. More people hang out in there. Read all you can here at the site about infidelity. I think that for your own conscience it is best to be honest with your H. This is going to be so painful for everyone involved, but for your H not to be let in on everything might hinder your recovery. Go to the "Just Found Out" forum and you will find an excellent post "for newcomers" which directs you to helpful information. I know that the counselors that started this website always believe in total honesty for any good healing to take place. Please know that I'm thinking about you during this difficult time in your life. I will say a prayer for you and your H.<p>MOM

Dear GM,
I was kinda in the same situation as you except it was with the H bestfriend. We ended up divorcing because that is what I wanted. My H never knew about the affair til after we were separated and he still freaked out.
You are trying to rebuild your marriage with your H whick is a good thing but you will never be happy if your H is not providing you will what YOU need.
Your H has to be totally willing to work on his marriage to you, not just you working.
Maybe suggest that ya'll go to couselling or a weekend marriage seminar to "make us closer" and he will also see what is lacking, and able to work on things with you.
As for the brother- you need to have a understanding with him that you are comitted to your marriage, and if he is a responsible adult he will help you and his brother.
Good luck and you are in my prayers.

Definitely read all you can about Emotional Needs and restoring the marriage. You can also buy Surviving and Affair by Mr. Harley. You may also want to call in to the radio show or e-mail into the radio show - it's Monday's at 1pm CST and ask how to break it to your H. You can access the show through this website. Or you can get a counseling session with Steve Harley or Jennifer Harley Calmers and they can help you plan to tell H and what to do with his response. <p>You will eventually need to tell H. But you will need a plan because you don't know how he'll react. You can rebuild your marriage and it can be even better than before but you will both have to be committed and follow the MB principles.<p>Also, you may be going through withdrawal - it takes a long time to fully withdraw and it won't be a pleasant experience so be prepared. You need to have no contact with the OM as long as you can to get you to a point to be able to receive love units from your H. <p>K

Hello,<p>I think you are better off not telling him because that is going to harm your relationship and their family. I think you should try to stay away from family gatherings with any kind of excuse until more time passes.<p>Maybe at some time in the future it will be possible to be honest but I would wait till your relationship was stronger.<p>Also, I would talk to Steve Harley to get some advice about it.<p>The main thing to do is pray pray pray and ask God to forgive you and restore your marriage. Try to meet your husband's needs and then work on having him meet yours.<p>I wish you all the best -<p>T