This is my first post and I come to you humbled and asking for prayers though I know I am unworthy. My story....
I am the WS....I am the one who broke the vows. The funny thing was that I thought and truly believed that I was the only one who believed and held on to our vows. I know what I did was wrong, so very wrong. I know I am not worthy of your prayers or support but I feel so lost and so guilty. I need help!
Yesterday I told the OM that it was over, I was going to dedicate myself to making my marriage work. My H never knew about the A or I never told him (I guess to some extent we all KNOW). Well yesteday was the day I had given myself to decide whether I was staying or not. I told him that I was willing to make it work, that I was going to put 110% into this marriage. He knew how I felt about our marriage, I had asked him, begged him to go to couseling with me but he had refused. I do think he is aware though how bad our marriage had gotten and how awful the fights are, and how they have escalated. When I told him that I was going to re-dedicate myself to the marriage he told me to leave. He told me he didnt want me around in about the ugliest way he could imagine. I left for the day and returned in the evening hoping to find him in a better mood. I had planned a nice dinner and a night of pampering him. When I got home he was drunk. He spent last night drinking and in the adult chatrooms. He never came to bed.....My H keeps telling me to leave and that he doesnt want me anymore.
I know this is the consequence of my sin! I know I have to walk through the fire before I can restore the marriage I helped to destroy. I need prayers! I have prayed and asked for forgiveness, though I feel so guilty and unworthy I go to God and pray that he give me the strength to live by my vows and make this marriage work. Please if anyone can give me some insight I would appreciate it! I know I dont deserve your support or prayers but I ask with a humbled heart <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

missmo2002,<p>Welcome! First of all I am the BS (betrayed spouse) and my WH (wayward husband) has been involved with "OW" (other woman) since fall of 1998. My WH left me in April of 1999. For almost the last 2 years, things seemed to be going better and better for us until last month I was informed that WH was still involved with this same "OW". My WH and I have lived seperate since he moved out but he was coming home frequently, called, e-mailed and etc. He had started telling me since last Christmas, that he loved me,(last time was voice message on my cell (4.8.02), missed me and only reason we were living apart was because of his job.<p>Well I found information out on the 13th of April, confronted him, which he denied by chalking it up to rumors and then laying it back in my lap because "he was sick of my jumping him for everything I hear from every Tom, [censored] and Harry". (Information from sources was accurate).<p>4/22/02, he lost his job and 4/26/02, he informed me that he was tired of everyone having their nose stuck in his business and he WAS NOT telling me where he was. I have not heard anything from him since 4/26. He has cut me completely out of his life. I found MB (marriage Builders) within a few days of this last incident and now realize that I LB'd (love busted bad)by confronting him, especially in anger, crying and screaming divorce including my dragging "OW" right into middle of this if he let it go that far. (See, I AM human and make mistakes too)!!! And I bet that you ARE NOT judging me either (SMILE). Just a little history about me, so you'd know my situation, ok?<p>First of all, I want you to clearly UNDERSTAND, that I DO NOT judge you. You are a human being, whom made a serious mistake but you have finally realized that mistake and you are trying to turn your life around. I "COMMEND" you for turning back to "GOD" and I strongly encourage you to continue your walk with him. You are headed for a very painful difficult time in your life "HOWEVER", the choice you made to end your relationship and work on your marriage is "the less painful" of your choices. To remain in your "A", (affair) with the "OM", (other man), would be the biggest mistake and the MOST PAINFUL choice!!!!<p>I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU FOR ACCEPTING AND ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR MISTAKE!!!!! <p>Continue to study every area of this forum and learn through other's experience but first and foremost, continue to turn your pain over to GOD!! Do not turn away from him now and he will be your greatest guide, source of strength and YOU NEED HIM to show you the way......<p>I sincerely suggest that you go to your local library or visit the bookstore on this website and INVEST in the following books (YOU WILL BE EVER SO GLAD THAT YOU DID as it will help you to understand things and put them into perspective). Right now, your emotions are probably splattered all over this earth and you are in the worse pain in your life. Knowledge and understanding is power. It helps to know that you ARE NOT ALONE and there is wonderful books, people and this website to help you!!!!!!!! "I RECOMMEND READING:"<p>1). Surviving An Affair
2). His needs, Heer Neeeds
3). Love Busters<p>You must be honest with "yourself AND your husband". Truth FREE'S us. Only you can decide whether or not to tell your husband about your affair, but if you don't, you will still be trying to rebuild your marriage on "DISHONESTY". An affair isn't what normally ends the marriage, it is the lack of HONESTY AND OPENESS that destroys a marriage. You will read and understand this in the book, "Surviving An Affair". <p>I do not know your full situation but your husband is in severe pain as well and it sounds as though he is in the "state of withdrawal". You MUST NOT do anymore lovebusting (anything that will withdrawal love units for you from his account). To understand this and what this is about, go back to the home page and look through until you find "LoveBusters". READ on this site about "Affairs, how they begin, the types and how they should end". If you can afford it "CALL STEVE or JENNIFER for phone counseling especially in how to be HONEST with your husband about your affair, to avoid love busting. I wish I could call myself, but I simply don't have the money, so I have done the next best thing.....LIVED ON THIS SITE and READ, READ, READ.........<p>You will be so tempted at every turn to return to the "OM" for a time period (in most likelihood), but YOU MUST NOT DO THIS!!!!!! You will only continue the pain and bring more pain with every contact, as it will send you right back to the "zero point", where you have to start all over again. YOU MUST REMAIN "NO CONTACT" of any type, at anytime for any reason!!!!!! This I believe will be explained to you on this site under "How affairs should end" and it will be in the book "Surviving An Affair".<p>Again, I welcome you and you have just taken the BIGGEST and best step to healing........stay with us and do not return back to your previous behavior! As I said, my husband is involved with another woman and "I know the pain of being the betrayed spouse". But through this site and recommended books, I know that "YOU TOO" are in pain! I do not judge you and I will be here for you..........."STAY TOUGH, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND DO NOT GIVE UP"!!!!!!!!! Most of all, continue to stay in GOD'S GRACE!!!!!!!!! HE LOVES YOU, HAS FORGIVEN YOU AND HE WANTS YOU!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>(((((HUGS DEAR)))))!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ June 01, 2002: Message edited by: BetrayedAgain ]</p>

YOU ARE NOT "UNWORTHY" EITHER!!!!!!!!!!<p>You have taken a very big "POSITIVE STEP IN THE SAVING DIRECTION"!!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Remember it will take time for your husband to see you are genuinely willing to give this 110% and keep praying! With God's help and a lot of hard work, your husband will come around and God can build this into a better marriage for it [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you BetrayedAgain and Mommy2three24 for your advice and encouragement. I admire your strength BetrayedAgain and your honesty. I know I must come clean to my H. I know how it eats away at you when all you have is suspicion and complete denial when you do ask. Though I have never "lied" to him (he has not asked) I know I am still lying because I did not tell him. I truly fear his reaction. Our marriage has been deteriorating for several months now. He has become increasingly aggressive and abusive, I know honesty is vital in saving a marriage but I dont know if now is the best time. I am praying for strength and compassion towards my H's behavior. I know the temptation to connect with the OM will be great because he offered me such great support and comforted me many times when my H was abusive. But I pray that my strength and needs be filled by God now. I know my H cant fill any of my emotional needs right now. I know it was the right decision but I feel so alone and rejected and yet still feel like I dont deserve to feel anything else! Thank you for your compassion

I know it was the right decision but I feel so alone and rejected and yet still feel like I dont deserve to feel anything else! Thank you for your compassion <p>Hiya "sweetie",<p>I understand fully about feeling alone and rejected. I am the BS and I certainly feel those very same things. (See, we're not really that different) [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I just received a phone call "at the exact same time that I was posting my first post too you". "My WH is with the OW RIGHT NOW, Today". I truly believe that this was satan's way of trying to break me down or retaliate against me, using this information (about WH), to hurt me so I would be less supporting of you. WELL, it's not working satan so "buzz off". It hurts but I am "OK"........Because GOD is on the move and in the works......."my WH has no idea that he has a Praying WIFE". (BIG SMILE HERE). And others are praying too!<p>You are not alone, I know the human part of you has probably never felt so alone in your life but you have the "BEST FRIEND" you could ever have on your side and that is "GOD". You will find much love and support here as well.......I know for the most part I have.......<p>Remember the story of "The prodical Son". Well, you were the "lost sheep", "The Prodical" and you have return to the loving arms of your Father and he REJOICES!!!! "He is so VERY PROUD OF YOU AND SO AM I AND OTHER'S ON HERE"!!!!!<p>Everytime you feel "broke", "heavy in heart and spirit", like you can't breathe much less place one foot in front of the other......."PRAY"...Release all that you feel to your heavenly Father.......<p>That's what I do and I have the most "peaceful" feeling inside when I do......GOD already knows the outcome and you just need to place it in his hands and "TRUST IN HIS PROMISES"......TRUST HIM!<p>This doesn't mean that you just sit back and be lazy either!!! While he does his work, "you work on you". Start taking care of YOU! Study this site and recommended books for knowledge and understanding to gain insight. Fix your hair, soak in a hot relaxing bubbly bath, do your nails, clean your house, cook......whatever keeps you busy that you enjoy doing.<p>YOU ARE WORTHY!!!!!!! YOU ARE WORTHY!!!!!!!!<p>Forgive yourself sweetie, "forgive yourself", forgive your husband and pray for your husband's forgiveness......."STOP RIGHT NOW BLAMING YOURSELF"!! You have admitted and accepted your mistakes, your faults, your weakness and "THAT'S SO REMARKABLE!" [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Learn from this terrible lesson but "STOP PUNISHING YOURSELF" and don't delay the healing process by drowning in inward hate of yourself and by continuing to punish you.<p>"I have blamed myself for so long, carried the FULL responsibility of my WH'S affair". It had to be something "I DID". You know what? I AM PARTLY RESPONSIBLE for failing to meet his needs, thus leaving him vulnerable and contributing to his "A", BUT I DID NOT HOLD A GUN TO HIS HEAD AND MAKE HIM CHOOSE TO DO THIS!!!! My WH has to get to the place of accepting his failures and taking responsibility for them and he has to do that on his own. Your husband is partially responsible for leaving you vulnerable "but you have already accepted the responsibility of your choice to have the affair". HUGE, BIG AWESOME STEP!!!!! (PRAISE-PRAISE-PRAISE)))) PAT ON YOUR BACK!!!!!!<p>I just simply "ADMIRE" you sssssooooooooo much for facing this and accepting what you have done and then being the "wonderful human being" that you are, and "ENDING THE MADNESS"!!!!!! Now you are ready to right the wrongs and girlfriend that is "INCREDIBLE"!!!!!! (((((HUGS)))))<p>2 months ago, I could never have talked to you like this (because of my own pain, anger and hurt) but I am not the same person now........wanna know why?????????<p>Yep, you got it, I turned EVERYTHING over to GOD and I asked him to make the changes in "ME", not just my WH husband........but in "ME". I asked him to make me the kind of wife that he intended me to be, the kind of wife that my WH needs me to be and the kind "I WANT TO BE". I am also growing in my personal relationship with him. If I wasn't, I really don't believe that I would be here today (ALIVE).......or supporting you like this....<p>ISN'T HE GREAT?????????<p>I just cannot tell you enough "HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU"!!!!!! I PRAY that one day my WH will be at the place you are now.........and this is "MY HEART'S DESIRE", that he will one day see me for who I am and we can rebuild our marriage and our love better than it ever was.......<p>I WILL PRAY for you and I am asking "humbly" that you PRAY for me too........I will stay RIGHT HERE WITH YOU!!!!!!!! Continue being "HONEST", especially with yourself!!!!!!<p>(((((HUGS))))) [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ June 01, 2002: Message edited by: BetrayedAgain ]</p>

BetrayedAgain-<p>The minute I read your post, I prayed for you, for your marriage and especially for your H. I prayed that God bring him to his knees, broken and humbled. That is the way I came back, I was raised a Christian and know the power of the Lord and yet I let my fear and my pain take me to a place I promised I would never go. Yes it takes two to fail a marriage but the truth is that it is not your spouse you hold on to but the Lord's promises for your marriage. I let that go. I put my faith in my H and he failed me, I know my H is struggling with so many demons...alcoholism, abuse, internet pornography, etc. I let that get the better of me and it ate away at my faith. Rather than stick to my praying for him, I let it make me fearful and needy. I stumbled and fell hard. Only when I could not deal with the shame and the guilt did I crawl back broken. Your H is now at a point where the walls are crumbling around him and he is scared and attacking you. But this is when the Lord works miracles, when we have hit rock bottom and have only the rope that the Lord offers us. He can try to fill the void with the OW but he WILL ONLY FIND IT EMPTY AGAIN, the reality is that only God can fill that. I pray that he look upon you and see the beautiful and wonderful wife God placed in his life. I pray that your H not let his guilt and shame keep him from asking for forgiveness. We believe in a faithful God, in a God who fulfills his promises. I will pray for you my friend! I thank God for people like you who show me what God can do, I admire your strength and resolve to pray for your H and yet you have the courage to let him go and give him over to the Lord. GOD HONORS HIS FAITHFUL SERVANTS!

missmo2002,<p>Mornin'<p>I hope your day goes better. i just got home from work and my heart is ssssooooooo heavy knowing my WH has cut me dead and is with "OW". I just don't understand how a man can do this kind of pain to his wife. 3 years of this.....to lead me on and get my hopes up, to tell me that it "made him happy that I still wanted him", only to have him abuse my love, forgiveness and the trust I had rebuilt back since this happened. i even asked him if my heart was safe and he siad "YES". Last year for our anniversary I asked him if he regretted marrying me and he said "no". How??? WHY??????? How could he look me in the eye and let me think it was "just us again". <p>I know through reading that his behavior is basically "normal" for the wayward spouse and that they are usually appalled at all the things they did during the affair.......but it is sheer hell getting through the time period till they get to that point.........<p>I know that his "fantasyland" is based on quicksand and that the dishonesty and thoughtlessness that his relationship with OW is built on will eventually turn on them and destroy them.........but the damage that continues in the meantime..........<p>This is going to be a really bad day for me.....it already is........<p>I know that these things are really hard on you to sweetie.......I feel your pain......opposite sides of the fence yet so very much sharing the pain.........<p>Your prayer really touched me and I will continue to pray for you..........<p>I weep tears of joy for you and tears of loniliness for my WH. How can he do a 180 turn, after 2 years of things getting better between us.....all because I found out, confronted him, he's still lying to me and himself......still throwing the blame of his behavior onto me....3 years of this....will he EVER wake up??????<p>I know the victory is already in progress as GOD keeps his promises and has only begun with them. I know I need to be strong and keep faith, just so hard sometimes........PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND HUSBAND......... AND I will for you and yours truly as well........<p>Just needed to vent and share........

BetrayedAgain-
I am so sorry to hear that you are having a bad day. My heart goes out to you! I will continue to pray for you and your H. Mostly I will for you, for your pain and your broken heart. I may not know your pain but I feel it. I pray that God give you peace and that he fill you with the love you deserve.
I hope your day turned out better!

Hiya Sweetie,<p>Our pain is very similiar and I think your prayers helped along with mine as I was finally able to lay down and rest. Woke up a little bit ago and getting ready for work. Feel peaceful inside right now. I will pray tonight while on duty and I will pray that you rest well too my dear friend............<p>(((((HUGS))))) "THANK YOU"

Missmo and betrayed....I have been lurking over this post for a few days and I am praying for you both. I know it is hard sometimes to keep up the faith that God will take care of us if we are obedient but keep believing that god will answer our prayers. Some days are better than others but just remember that without God all days would be bad in our situations.<p> Love in Christ<p> cajunky

Cajunky-
Thank you for your encouragement. If I read correctly you too were the WS. If I can impose do you any advice/insight for me. I am still struggling with all the issues and feelings and my H is determined to keep pushing me away. This is without him even knowing about the A. I know it will be a struggle and frankly I am not strong enough to fight now but I pray to God for the strength. I just dont know how to handle my H constantly pushing me away, asking me to leave our home, rejecting me. Should I just ignore his request to leave and continue working on my end, or should I give him the space and leave our home? I am so confused.....

Good Morning BetrayedAgain!<p>I send you a great big hug and a prayer for a better day! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

missmo2002,<p>Morning. Thank you for your prayer and the "hug". ((((((((((HUG)))))))))))) Back! I hope your day goes well (or as well as possible) too! Long night at work, was late getting out. Love it when things break out at the last minute......<p>cajunky,<p>Thank You. Do you have an e-mail? I'd like to ask you some direct questions that you may not want to answer openly but your answers maybe could help me understand my WH head????????

cajunky,<p>You are in my prayers too, (((((Christian Sisterly HUGS))))))))

missmo....well the first thing I think I would do is to come clean with your husband about the affair. He will look at you differently if you are the one to tell him. I wish so bad I had been the one to tell my wife instead of trying to lie about it and further taking more trust that she had away. It may be rough but God will lead you to say the right words and to do the right things. I know the guilt of what you did is unbearable so let God be your guide in telling him so you can begin to heal your spouse, yourself and your marriage. He may know about the A since he is pushing you away.<p> I know it is rough being pushed away right now. I am going through the same thing. My wife won't have much to do with me. It hurts so bad but I know I pushed her away with my actions.<p> My thinking is if you leave you won't be able to communicate at all with him. Communication is the key to building the relationship again.<p> Keep praying about it and let God lead you in the decisions you make. <p> Love in Christ<p> cajunky<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: cajunky ]<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: cajunky ]</p>

missmo2002,<p>You there girlfriend? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?????? Thinking of you!<p>cajunky?<p>You? You hanging in there? I did something this morning.......need advice...........especially you from male perspective cajunky.......<p>[ June 06, 2002: Message edited by: BetrayedAgain ]</p>

Hi BetrayedAgain-<p>Yes girl I am still here. Taking it day by day. My H has become more and more distant and distructive. I tried to approach him this weekend but he told in no uncertain terms that he had no interest in what came out of my mouth. I have taken your's and cajunky advice to heart and wanted to talk about it. Trying to set a comfortable environment so he can relax and we can talk like two civil adults. He doesn't "want to hear my mouth" as he puts it. I am praying...and praying for you my friend. What is the update on your part?
Thanks again for your support. I am glad God brought you and this website into my life [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

MissMo,
I am new,but I thought this might help you:<p>Footprints<p>One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it: "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied: "My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."<p>
By: Mary Stevenson (1922-1999)

Thank you JR7 for Footprints...it is my favorite. I am struggling so much with telling my H and to be honest I am very fearful of what his reaction would be. In my head the scenerio is pretty ugly, it has gotten pretty bad for less things I have approached him with....Thank you for your encouragement!