Thanks S&C!

I always have to remind myself "baby steps". BTW
Steve H. told me she is noticing all the different things I'm doing which she told him
"was nice". thx...

Loyal,
That is definitely encouraging, we are all glad for you and pray you wisdom. Please don't be satisfied though, continue to be on guard pray ever harder now. Told a note from you and started re-reading and re-praying for my wife in the form of Stormie's prayer...Thanks.. this one I pray for you all.
Lord, i pray that you would establish in LW and his wife bonds of love that can not be broken. Show LW how to love his wife in an ever-deepening way that she can perceive. Where love has been diminished, lost, destroyed or buried under hurt and disappointment, put it back in there hearts. Unite them in faith, beliefs, standards of morality, and mutal trust. Make there communication open and honest so that they avoid misunderstandings. May they never waver in there committment and devotion to you and to one another, so that this marriage will become all YOU FATHER have designed it to be. With all the way.

Jonah,

Thanks for the prayer! Heres something else that S. Harley and I talked about. We think that we can say anything to our spouse, negative things that we would not say to a friend or coworker, let our hair down so to speak..... Why? Why do we feel we can do this? ................................................................................................................................................because: We believe our spouse loves us UNCONDITIONALLY. I've thought of another way we think of this "we take our spouse for granted" same thing in my book...they will be in love with us NO MATTER HOW THEIR TREATED! NOT!!!!!!! It makes perfect sense...we treat our friends better than we treat our spouses, because we know our friends would not put up with mistreatment!

WOWWIE!!!!!!ZOWWIE!!!!!!!

You want to know something else I have realized?
that "having my wife in my life is making me a better person" I think I am going to write this on a card and give it to her. I never realized this before....thx again!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good point LW - I think I'll use that if you don't mind.

I just want her to know that she'll not find the love and commitment in an A that she has in this family.

I've not taken part in this thread - but be assured - You and all on this board are in my prayers.

In God's time - In God's time.

Very best wishes

I scanned through your conversations over the last couple of days and realized that I was dealing with some of the problems that you all are apparently dealing with. Once again I have to praise God for letting me find sites like this one so I don't feel so all alone. It also gives me things to think about that no one else does. I have been honest - I don't mean just honest, but HONEST about my "feelings" to my H in the past couple of months and have wondered why it often was a trigger for an arguement. Couldn't he see how I was opening up to him?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Then I realized that just because it was what I felt at the time, I guess it isn't always something that needed said or expressed and what was said about how we often take them for granted really hit home for me. I too have been experiencing the weariness and I also have been prone to anxiety attacks. Neither are of God, I know that. Today is a tough day for me. My H has opted not to leave the home - exactly - but to return to truck driving - over the road - out 4-6 week kind of truck driving. He says he knows if he stays here with me much longer, he will just give up and that he is hoping to reconnect with God when he is out there driving and by himself. He also says that he does not think we have a chance if he doesn't repair his relationship with God first and I guess he is right. But I am really scared. I know that is a lack of faith on my part, but I am having trouble dealing with the fact that I won't be able to do anything to show him my love when he is gone. The past couple of weeks have been pretty good with a couple of bad spots here and there - but we got through and have been talking, but he says I am looking for too much too fast from him. Maybe this is the best way. Anyway - I take him to Springfield tomorrow to orientation and out for a couple of days of training with this company before he climbs into a truck again. We just have a 16 year old son home now - this house will seem big and empty. I am really trying to look at it as an opportunity to work on my walk with God, but I am also very afraid. In a runon sort of way - I am saying thanks for sharing some things that have helped me through this. K

K,

I'm glad that some of our conversations have helped you. There are quite a few christians out here and like you it has helped me to know that I am not alone. I will check back in on your prayer request thread. God bless you and your H.

Hello to everyone!
Loyal Warrior - I could not help coming in and reading your posts. Hang in there and you will be remembered in my prayers also. I have had this same battle with my WH and boy it is a tough one! God has been good to me though as I have seen those little baby steps and then a few back ones also. I get frustrated, but also remember God is working overtime! My WH is really uptight with me as now I had filed for some support as I am on total workers comp. Bills needed to be paid and he went into hiding. Well then he filed divorce. Not a good choice, but it was done. I had to answer to this within 20 days and he did not like the end result. He has no grounds! So he is ticked at me. Well I was forced to stand ground as I refuse to give his OW anything I have worked so hard for. Support started the 25th so that was good. Now today he did want to see my councelor but now is back stepping again.
See I am right where you are. We just have to let God do this and he does answer us if we ask! I would like to be added to the prayer group on Wed again. God Bless you all! Thank you!

Loyal, I hope all is going well, you are continually in my thoughts and prayers, I am praying for healing, believing for restoration. Not afraid to say that I am living vicariously through you, I am drawing hope from you even the midst of my own frustration. God bless you and strenghten you and always be with you.

MB friends,

I am feeling renewed resolve today! Thanks for your prayers. But now I feel in my spirt that my wife is really struggling. I have been doing plan A for quite a while now. The new chair she said she always wanted came yesterday. I think she is waiting to see if I disagree with getting it or the color aor some reason to send it back!

I feel that I have made all these changes in my behavior and she is struggling whether to open up her emotions to me. She needs to believe in me again, trust me with her feelings, and I really feel she is afraid to as she says "go there".

I have done such a poor job considering her feelings in the past. I asked God for forgiveness this morning about the angry outbursts that I had in the past toward her. She said once that "if you could see your face" when I was in the middle of an AO. I made the face in the mirror and it looks REALLY BAD, SO UNLOVING. I thought that it was OK to fight in marriage and it never dawned on me I was killing her love for me. I have learned so much from MB's and you guys.

Would you please pray for my W today that she will start to believe in me again. I have done such a poor job in the past. Thx

You are sounding a bit better today LW,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But now I feel in my spirt that my wife is really struggling.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's God talking to you. He's getting you in tune with her feelings. Whenever I knew my W was struggling like that I did my best to ask her how she was doing and that tell her she could tell me anything no matter what it was. And no matter what it was, or how I felt about hearing what she had to say, I knew I had to listen and not react negatively to her. Don't take it personally. If she's struggling she's got a need that only you or God can or should fill, no one else. God will equip you to be the vessel to meet that need.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been doing plan A for quite a while now. The new chair she said she always wanted came yesterday. I think she is waiting to see if I disagree with getting it or the color aor some reason to send it back!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you? I didn't think so. You know it's important to her, so meet the need. Remember I said a while back that you're story resembles parts of mine. Well W and I went out and bought two new sofas to replace an old sectional sofa bed we had. Well worth the cost.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel that I have made all these changes in my behavior and she is struggling whether to open up her emotions to me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She's struggling because you have made those changes and she's realizing that they maybe permanent.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She needs to believe in me again, trust me with her feelings, and I really feel she is afraid to as she says "go there".</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She's starting to.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have done such a poor job considering her feelings in the past. I asked God for forgiveness this morning about the angry outbursts that I had in the past toward her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know you probably have but have you asked her to forgive you? Make sure she knows

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She said once that "if you could see your face" when I was in the middle of an AO. I made the face in the mirror and it looks REALLY BAD, SO UNLOVING.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't worry Halloween is over tomorrow and you can get rid of that face permanently.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought that it was OK to fight in marriage and it never dawned on me I was killing her love for me. I have learned so much from MB's and you guys.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's ok to disagree not fight. Fighting doesn't take into consideration the other person's feelings. Your Taker just wants to win. Disagreeing thinks about how your W would feel if yousaid something a certain way, but still gets your point across.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Would you please pray for my W today that she will start to believe in me again. I have done such a poor job in the past.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My W and I have cried together over that one a number of times. You know you're both in my prayers.

BTW - My W and I talked after she met with a fiend of hers from church last night. She cried on my shoulder and squeezed me tight and told me that her friend gave her a lot to think about. And she might be ready to go back to MC. Just for her to say that is a big step and answered prayer. But I really need for her to follow through and do it. She's had trouble following through on things she said she'd do (like finish her resume and turn it in). But I'm praising God for this little victory.

Press on my friend. God's blessing be on you.

S&C

Thanks S&C! I am pressing on!!

Two steps forward, one step back.

I think I told you that my W was letting me touch her, and I would rest my hand on her while falling asleep. Well...that ended last night. I got in my usual position and then she said, I can't fall asleep when you have your hand on me. I said what about all the previous nights, she said I just had to stay awake until you fell asleep. This is about the only opportunity for affection I had and now its taken away. I am such a physically affectionate person. We are not compatible in this area. So I was laying there crying in the dark and she finally grabs a kleenex and says "Here, get it over with". Not I'm
sorry, She basically doesn't care about meeting my needs. So my one thing I was enjoying in the affection area is taken away. My ray of hope is gone. I know this may be a little thing to you but it meant alot to me.

See....she lets you do something for a long time and then FINALLY TELLS YOU HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT IT and says it was bothering her the whole time. Gosh I hate that!

I did say "Im proud of you that you told me how you were really feeling" I am trying to get her to open up about her feelings. I did not LB or anything and acted my normal way and she got a surprise card in her lunch today w/choc and coffee gift certificates. She just called a few minutes ago and thanked me for them.

What I am most concerned with right now is "If she has held all this stuff inside for so long" and she finally tells me how she REALLY FEELS.
I may end up with a woman that, I don't like, my love will die for, and will never be willing to meet my EN'S because she will say "You have to accept me the way I am, that is just not me to do those things" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Not a good day

Loyal,
Could it just be a way of her expressing her pain, i know that it hurt you and believe me, I would love to touch my wife also but I think it's more than that. Ever said something that didn't come out right? I think that was the case and once it's out it's harder to retrack it. I'm with you brother, inside she has got to be striving for the slightest form of affection, found a new way to give it to her, be a smile, be it your hand on her shoulders, be it a stroke of her hair...don't fall into the discouragement that i am in and quit.

Thanks S&C and Jonah,

Just came from an Individual therapist appt. I am so excited! I told him about what happened in bed with W when she said I was keeping her awake by touching her while she is trying to fall asleep.
I told him that every thing I like gets taken away...just like when my parents divorced when I was a kid. He said thats significant. This is some of the baggage that I have brought with me to the marriage. He can help me with this. Theres hope for old Loyal Warrior yet. I am on a path of self discovery. BTW this is a christian counselor. I even called my W and told her how excited I am and it was good that it happened! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Have a good weekend guys!

LW,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I even called my W and told her how excited I am and it was good that it happened!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So what was her reaction? Did she think, maybe, you had a bit too much Halloween Punch?!??!

Also, didn't want to start the weekend (in about 6 hours) without telling all ya'll (LW, jonah, and kellidiane, where the heck are you and how are you doing?) I'll be thinking about you all. If I get the chance, I'll check in to see if anything is happening.

For some reason I feel good about this weekend. Can't explain it yet (maybe it'll just be uneventful) we'll see. Or maybe it has something to do with you guys. I don't know.

Just checked your other thread LW. W and I saw "Tuck Everlasting" last a couple of weeks ago. Have fun!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Everyone, have a blessed weekend.

S&C

Loyal I know what you mean about the touching, but I have to believe that it will get better in God's timing (why oh why isn't it faster???) It is very hard to get used to not having the affectionate hugs, etc. My husband was a very affectionate, romantic guy. My situation is not quite the same as he seems to have no trouble making love to me. But as a female, the loss of those little things that used to be there almost kill me. In his sleep he will reach for me and hold me tight. I stay awake so I can pray and relish the feeling of being held, even if he doesn't realize it. But when he is awake and can think, he treats me like a best friend. Always holding himself back. That is a huge change for me. I guess we need to be more patient, don't we.
I guess that I have figured out that my newly found desire to become close to God has become really important to me. I am no masochist, but I am almost afraid that if Michael and I get back together too soon, that I will lose that desire for the relationship I yearn for with Him and in turn also miss out on what I believe He has in store for me, for Michael and for our marriage. I know that God's timing is best and I do real well for a short time-then manage to say something stupid that makes Michael withdraw. Especially about the OW thing. I just cannot seem to let it go. The saddness and hurt almost cripple me when it gets ahold. I know that satan has found that to be my most disabling soft spot and he definitely uses it.
S&C thanks for asking about me. I actually have a kind of good thing that has happened. Michael has finished his orientation and his trainer(who he has to go out with for 3-4 weeks) was not due in until Friday night. Late Thursday afternoon he called me and asked if I wanted to come back down, spend the night, go to the corporate offices to look around and ask any questions I might have (he took me to look at trucks and said I could pick out what color I liked when he got one) and then drive to Branson for the day. It was a great day. I came home late last night. This morning when I came home from running errands, there was a message on the answering machine from him saying he was getting ready to go out with the trainer and just wanted to say goodbye. I thought that was good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I will take what I can get and praise God for his goodness. The guy he shared a room with was a Christian - so maybe God will send him out for 4 weeks with one too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Have a good weekend all. Kelli

Loyal,
Hope this day is a blessing to you and your wife. How are you doing, read through your post and am glad that you that so much is being revealed to you. Keep a tender, open, loving heart.. You are in my prayers.

Thanks Jonah for checking in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />