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where to begin....3 years ago and after a few rocky years in our marriage that included a 6 month separation, my wife and I renewed our vows...The separation was due to my drug addiction and the lack of GOD in my life....However, during that 6 month separation, I gave my life to God and he worked a miracle in my wife..He changed her heart and after intensive counseling, she and I renewed our wedding vows..The past 3 years have been very happy..She and i have grown closer to each other in some ways, however, during that time, my relationship with my heavenly father became weak and eventually non existant..Well, after 3 years clean, I had a relapse..(I KNOW this relapse happened due to my Self-centeredness and by me pushing God out of my life....)...When my wife first found out about the relapse, she asked me to leave. I decided to seek treatment to make sure this never happened again...After being separated 2 days, my wife and I talked and she said that she loved me enough to help me with this problem for the rest of our lives...Of course, I was thrilled with this news! We paid a visit to our Christian counselor and I began working on my addiction. Also, we started each morning with prayer and devotion-this lasted about about 8 days. This past Saturday, my wife went thru a major "change of heart" ...she said that she didnt think that she loved me anymore and by sunday morning, she wouldnt pray with me and she was once again wanting to separate..As Sunday progressed, she made the statement that she was feeling better about us...this week, we started M-W off with prayer and devotion (however, she no longer wanted us to pray outloud together!)...When I came home wednesday, she said that our marriage was over. She stated that she loved me, that she cared for me a great deal, that she was seeking God's will, but she did not want to be married to me anymore! She also stated that she was no longer "in-love" with me because our marriage was lacking trust, respect, and intimacy.I know all of these things were lost due to my addiction! She further stated that God's will was for us to separate and she wanted me to leave..I replied back to her that God can heal us (if we seek his guidance) and that I would not leave the home because I was standing firm for this marriage! Therefore, she decided to go to her parents home...Since wed night, I have had virtually no contact with her...I am praying for her and I am praying for healing in this marriage...She and I both use the same Christian counselor and I know that she is still planning on seeing him! She made it very clear that she needed space...She also made the following statements: She said, "I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that a burden has been lifted off of me.". Personally, I believe that you always feel better when you are away from the battle! She can open up a new checking account, she can move out, and she can avoid wearing her wedding rings---eventually though, she is going to be out of things to do and she will then have to deal with this situation.
like i said, She has made it very clear that she needed time away from me. She has stated that she knows that I am trying to reconcile but she thinks that we are too far past that point. She stated that when we talk, she feels like I am being manipulative because I am trying to make her think like me and that pushes her further away from me! 2 weeks ago, my wife met with our Christian counselor and on Tuesday, I met with him. The counselor has stated that my wife appears to be "running from God" right now because she is afraid of what his will may be. He also stated that she believes I am hiding behing God and that she is the "bad guy" isn this situation. She is getting a lot of pressure from her mother (a VERY spiritual woman) to work this out! The counselor also stated that when all is said and done, he believed my wife would do the right thing but right now she states that she is just "tired"! He said that there is nothing that I can do to make the situation better but that I could make it a lot worse! He told me to keep conversation light, avoid "us" conversations, and to give her space. As the week progressed, I didnt talk to her much but when I did she was much more pleasant to me! She has told some family members that she doesnt know what she is going to do and that she just has to pray about it!The thing that gets me is that my wife and I have had a wonderful few years (after the renewal of vows). I think the relapse has just been a major blow to her trust in me (obviously). The one thing that seems to be bothering me is that my wife seems to be "running from God-according to the counselor..She has stated to her mother that she isnt ready to go to church and she isnt ready to read her bible.. She has only stated that she is praying about the situation....This bothers me but I know that this is a problem that God will have to solve...Her spirituality, I cannot control....
Anyway, nothing new has really happened..We have emailed a few times (about financial matters) but she has not taken anymore steps to separate herself further..Besides taking some clothes and opening her own bank account, she has left all of her stuff at the house with me...She has told family that she doesnt want to get anymore stuff out of the house...(Its been a month and she hast filed for divorce nor has taken anything but some clothes.) in the past 2 weeks, she has come over to the house about 3 or 4 times...Only one of those times she mentioned dthe marriage was over. The other times she was nice (we actually laughed together and joked with each other.) When she sees all of this work I have done on our new house, it is like it makes her mad that I am just not sitting in a house with boxes,but instead have continued to fix the home up and unpack boxes.So, she goes off on me....
Sorry this post is so long, but i thought it were important for everyone to understand all of the facts! Please pray for us!

Yes I must say that trust, once lost is a monster to get around...... NO drugs involved in my situation but, infidelity..... from the beginning on his part..... we have fun together, respect each other for the most part.... had a great weekend away last weekend..... but from Monday morning....we have been tense all week... though not with each other till yesterday on my part.... we even laughed about how on Monday, as soon as we got to work..we were ill as snakes.... and that one might believe we had an awful weekend, but we didn't we had a really good time..... it is like somebody somewhere (satan himself, LOL) is pulling our strings for no good reason.... And like you we did the prayer together thing started twice, first time went on for a while....second time I am not sure that it lasted a week and he initiated it... for him too it is like he cannot just settle himself and just live for us and God. I too am getting tired..... I cannot get somethings out of my mind he has done... like leaving me when I just had surgery to go out of town for the weekend and not only that but to be a with a woman he promised to marry and she even drove my car.... how do I know this, I got her number from the cell bill and called her and apparently she was unaware he was even married.......long story..... I have a few since we were married just about 3 years ago... made lots of mistakes.... but was/am willing to deal with them because I have not been a saint, and I have changed and hoped I could cope..... just lots going on sick, mom, met new family about 4 years ago which has been all good.... but now like all that is or goes good in your life...the devil tries to infiltrate.... sometimes I wish I could just walk and keep walking and forget it all.....but I can't, and I pray it does not drive me totally insane..... I am 43, no children of my own, married late in life looking for something which I may never really have..... what does one do???? SO I can definitely feel for you.... all I can say is that you keep praying for her for your wisdom and understanding and patience with her and yourself as well.....one thing I know you can not make anybody do anything and feel like you should feel....I know you must feel that if it is gonna work u wanna know now, so that you don't get any deeper in than you can stand..... no one wants to be strung along, and if there is no chance it will work or if the other person does not love and respect you in every way, and does not want to be your very best friend.....what do you have???????? This may not help but hopefully you know you are not alone and you can at least be reassured that even when you do your best it might be enough for the other person..... but also that when you lose trust.... it can be regained, but when you slip again..... unfortunately you have to realize that there might not be healing..... where others are concerned....... take care, pray, fast, spend time reading the Bible for comfort and understanding .....you will find lots there.........

Well, tomorrow is the BIG day.....As I have mentioned in other posts, we are attending Christian counseling together tomorrow..I must admit, I am SCARED...I feel like she will try to come in and display a lot of pride and stubborness...But then again, anything could happen....This isnt a very in-depth post, I am seeking encouragement and prayers! Hopefully, the fact we are going together, should be encouraging-I guess!

Oh my dear friend,

Christ died that we might be redeemed for our our many sins. We all have fallen short in some way or another and there can be no forgiveness if we ourselves cannot learn to forgive. Our heavenly father's will would never be to break the bonds of our marriages if their is any other way open and you seem to be open to gtting all the help and counceling you need to put things back on a good footing. Perhaps you need to try to find out if there is another reason for our wife's change of mind. Is she perhap frightened of how you behave when under the influence of drugs,or is someone having an influence over her decision. Maybe you need to talk about that possibility and perhaps it would be helpful for you read the Book of Hosea even though the story is of a different kind of marrital problem it shows the qaulity of mercy as later demonstrated by our lord. God Bless you both and I will Pray for your Marriage that it might be healed and cleansed. I think it is wonderful that you gave your heart to Jesus I long for that same thing for my own husband too.

Well, the weekend has come and gone...I have been completely stressed about this attorney thing...My wife called friday afternoon and said she would come and get the dog Saturday.When I talked with her, she was "short" and "rude" with me.I know she had plans to meet her prayer partners on satuday morning and I knew she had a meeting to attend saturday night. Therefore, I was exepcting her to get the dog around noon on saturday, however she did not show up until after 4:00...Strang huh? I know how much she wanted to spend time with the dog, so hopefully, she was with her Prayer partners for a LONG time! When she came to get the dog, she was real "mean" acting...She hardly acknowledged me and she would ignore me if I asked her anything..She was also in a BIG hurry to get in and out of the house!.Why would she act like this towards me if she were at peace with her actions? Why be mean?
Yesterday morning, I called her and asked her if couldbring something to her after church..She eventually said no..I then invited her to church and she said no thank you..I asked her if we could sit down and talk sometime and her response was "I dont know" (at least it wasnt no)..Well, I got her a card and book and in the card I poured out my feelings (without whining, begging, promising, etc...)..I stated how I felt and I answered a question that she asked me awhile back...Awhile back, She asked me why I would want to stay married to someone who did not love me.. Well, I thought a lot about that question and here was my answer to her...I said, "because when my actions and words were clearly not loving towards you, you loved me enough to stay devoted to me and to our marriage...And now that the tables are turned, I will love you enough to stay devoted to you and to our marriage..." I told her that I could never promise to be a perfect husband or perfect best friend, but I could be "teachable" and open...I also stated that lots of times in my life, I have learned that true happiness doesnt always come from a change in circumstaneces, but rather form a change in heart! I left the gift on the counter and to my surprise she actually took it with her... Now, if she drove 1 mile and threw it out of the window, Ill never know! At least she took it!I hoping GOD intervences in a mighty way today...PLease pray that the Holy Spirit touches her heart during this "appointment" with an attorney (hopefully it is just a consultation)...

PS: one thing though, she still hasnt taken anything else out of the house...She comes by and gets the dog and then just leaves...takes nothing..

Ben,
I have had some experience with addicts and one thing about them is they are master manipulators.
Reading your posts I see that you said you had a 6 month seperation the GOD worked a miracle in YOUR WIFE and changed her heart.
Then you say after 3 years you had a relapse, so after your wife trusted you again she found out her sober marriage was a lie.
Even though it only takes a few minutes to relapse (although I suspect there were a series of lies leading up to the relapse)It will take a LONG LONG time to regain her trust, she will only trust you again with time - proven time.
She told you she is no longer "in love" with you because your marriage is LACKING TRUST,RESPECT AND INTIMACY. Listen to her, this is where you need to start working. She made it clear she needs space, listen to her. She is staying with her mom who is pro marriage so thats ok.
She said she feels like a great weight has been lifted from her (you). Listen to her.
She said she feels you are MANIPULATIVE AND ARE TRYING TO GET HER TO THINK YOUR WAY, listen to her.
She feels like you are hiding behind GOD and making her look like the bad guy, (your the one who relapsed right? she is living with her mom and going to prayer group and a christian counselor right?) listen to her!!!
She says she is "TIRED" listen to her.
Even your own counselor is telling you to lighten up on her. This is after you expected her to come in trying to display "A LOT OF PRIDE AND STUBBORNESS" (disrespectful judgement)
Your post is filled with she she she, what are you doing about YOU. Maybe your focus on her is to keep the light from you and what you are doing to improve yourself.
This note is in no way meant to be rude or to irritate you. I believe GOD hates divorce. But I have also found that in my journey through my H unfaithfulness,the one who I needed to change was me.
L