My husband and I have been married for 25 years. We were both too young to understand the concept of marriage. I had sex outside of marriage before we had been married a year. I don't know why. Then when we had been married for 11 years I had an emotional affair with some one that I worked with. Not long after that, in 1989, I rededicated my lift to Christ. A few years later my husband dedicated his life to Christ. We were attending the church that I had attended in my youth. My husband became the youth leader and a Sunday School teacher. In my heart at this time I wanted our marriage to work out. I was dedicated to Christ and I was dedicated to my husband. Then in 1995 my husband had an affair with a church mate that I had grown up with. We were friends with her and her husband. My husband and hers were very best friends. They spent a lot of time together. One Sunday night after we had gone to bed the Holy Spirit spoke to me and I knew that he was having an affair with this person. The next I was suppose to go work, but after I got there I was so troubled in my spirit that I could not work. So I was out of work for the whole week. On Friday, I called my pastor and told him what I felt. He asked me if I had talked to her husband. I told him no. I had a friend to take me to her place of employment. I was going to follow her. Well, I got there to late. Later that evening after her husband came home from work I called him with my feelings. He immediatley called her. When my husband came home he asked me who I had been talking to that day? Of course my husband said that they had decided to tell us. But I know that it was the Holy Spirit that told me. My husband kept telling me that God didn't want us unhappy and that divorce was the answer. I began to seek the Lord like never before. In different ways, through the Bible, through prophecy, and through pamplets from acquitances, God has told me that He is going to restore my marriage. My husband moved out for about a month. She didn't leave her husband. Finally after a lot of begging he came back home. We tried 3 different Christian marriage counslers to no avail. A year or 2 later he moved out. This time I didn't ask him to come back, he came back on his on. You would think every thing would be fine. No!! We always through everything had a good SEX life. It continued up until last year. Over the last few years sex with my husband became abusive. He would watch T.V. during sex or want to do things that hurt me. And in all these years he has never told me that he loves me. He has told me that he wish that I were dead, that in a few years he want have to put up with, that he is going to divorce me. When this all happened in 1995 I bought the book "His Needs, Her Needs". Reading that book was painful and hard. Last year I recieved another conformation that God was going to restore our marriage. It has been a long time and by this time I was becoming resentful that God had not fulfilled His promise. I have tried hard to overcome these feelings. In the last few months my husband has had to start traveling in his job. He called me last night and told me that he couldn't take any more. The job he has only has about a year left to it. Things have become real stressful. We have two girls of our own ages 23 and 20 and a foster son age 21. Our oldest daughter has been married, divorced, and has a 14 month old son. Her lifestyle has changed from the values (if you can believe that we had values) that we tried to raise her with. She has moved back in with us. She either spends the night at our house or at her boyfriend's house. By the way he has a 2 1/2 year old son, too. Which I babysit a good bit. My whole family needs prayer. My husband needs prayer. My husband doesn't know if his father is his father or if some one that his mother was having an affair with about the time of his conception is his father. So he already had hurt in his life that I didn't understand.

Terrianna,

I have read your post and it saddens me. But continue to pray and listen to the Lord...He has a plan for you and your marriage. Be patient and listen. I will pray for you and your family.

Do you know of Hopeful98? Her situation with WH is similar to yours. They are separated, but the Lord continues to speak to her and she feels she cannot give up---even though hopeful's situaton would seem hopeless to most. Her WH is very lost right now. He too was involved in church--but now seems angry at God.

But you may want to check out her posts here and post on her thread as well...maybe you both can help each other.

Blessings to you and your family.

Father, please be with Terrianna and her husband; please strengthen their marriage and cause it to be as a cord of three strands not easily broken. Help them to put You in the center of their marriage. Lord, I pray that You will fill Terrianna's husband with a deep love for her, the kind of Love that Jesus has for the church. Show him Lord that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for it. Let there be no peace and no rest in Terrianna's husband until he truly turns his heart over to You and becomes the Godly man You intend him to be. Give Terrianna an extra portion of Your love and peace. Help her Father, to be the kind of Godly wife You want her to be. Thank You Lord for all You do for us. Thank You Lord for your protection and Love. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN

Thank you Alcoholic's Wife for your prayer. That has been the prayer of my heart for the past 8 years.

Satan tries to use my mind for his battle ground. Things seem to be getting better in ways. Then I begin to think about all the things that he could be doing that I don't know about. In the job that he currently has he travels about 4 days a week. Tonight I called him around 8:30 p.m. to talk to him about our daughter. I could hear women talking so I ask him if he was still at work or if he had gone back to his room. And I told him that I could hear women talking. He said that he was still working, and that there were a lot of people there. But he indicated that there were no women there. Once again I could hear a woman and I told him I could. He made a sarcastic remark. Then he told me that he was at Shoney's eating supper and that it was someone in the restuarant. I asked him why he had lied to me and he said that he didn't want to hear me do 20 questions. I told him I just wanted him to be honest with me.

I work rotating 12 hour shifts and this is deer season. So he is spending most of his weekends at the hunting club. We really don't see a whole lot of each other. This may not seem like much to most people but whenever I talk to him on the phone now he says "Goodbye" to me instead of just hanging up.

I believe that God will bring to pass that which He has promised and I believe that He has promised me a restored marriage. Filled with geniune love.

Please continue to pray for us. I appreciate your prayers and the prayers of DIR.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for giving Terrianne peace in her heart. Thank You for loving us so much. Lord, I ask that tonight You would speak to her husband's heart. Please give him ears to hear Your Word. Father I pray that You would soften his heart towards you, and Terrianne. Reveal to him how very much she loves him Lord. Thank You Jesus for hearing and answering our prayers. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN

I am not sure that I am posting in the right place. I can't seem to find where I would really fit in. So I came back to my orginial thread in the prayer request.

The 3 or 4 marriage counselors that we went to said that they didn't see how we were still together. All of them said that my husband was selfish. Of course my husband had had enough of them after about 5 visits, generally to each of them.

After his affair he was very cold and indifferent to me. Most of which has not changed over the past 8 years. Quiet frequently he tells me that he wish that I were dead. I have been humilated in public and with friends and family. He has said things to me that has offended my best friend. She never tries to interfer on what he wants. But he has said some nasty things. But it seemed that for a few months there things were getting somewhat better. Just small things that he did.

That is until today. This morning at 5:00a.m. @ eastern standard time I got up to pack his clothes for him to go back to his job site in Virginia. Which is about 3 states away from where we live. Part of us getting along better may be because he leaves home on Monday morning and doesn't return until Thursday afternoon. I don't have him smashing my hope that some day there will be real love, romantic love, Godly love. Anyway, he attacks me (with words). I don't remember exactly what he said, but I do know that it hurt. I called him on his cell phone and left a message about how felt toward the way he had acted.

So about 10:00 a.m. someone calls the house and I answer the phone on the first ring. They hang up. Now if you have never had a recommitment after an affair you sort of stay suspious. So I star 96ed it. I knew by the area code that it was from Virginia. So I called directory assistance to get the name and phone number of the person that I assumed called. And since no one else in this family has any ties to call anyone in Virginia I assumed that my husband would know who it was.

So I called him and told him about the phone call. He said that he didn't know anyone by that name. He was surprized to learn that you could get someone's name with just having their number. I don't think that the phone call that I recieved this morning meant anything. Maybe a wrong number. I was just curious to know if he knew who it was. While I was talking to him he had a nasty attitude. I told him some of the things that I was doing or had done today and he ask me what this meant to him. After the things that he said this morning I knew that it meant absolutely nothing and I told him so as I hung up. Again crushed.

First and foremost I want to serve God with all my heart. I want all of my family saved. But one of the most important things to me as a wife is that I want my husband to love me and respect me. My world really is centered around him. I don't know what to do!!!!!! I love him. But I am like everyone else that I know I get defensive, too. Which you know leads to an arguement or more criticism.

I read Dr. Harley's book "His Needs, Her Needs" the weekend I found out about his affair. I didn't find this website until just recently. 8 years later and not much better where does that put me? Sometimes he does talk about leaving. But during the first 2 years he left twice and the last time I didn't ask him to come back. He told me that he was coming back whether I wanted him to or not. So I packed up his stuff and moved him back home. In hind sight I should have let him done it himself. Of course the second time he moved out I cried while I helped him pack it up and move it out.

I am currently reading "Love Busters". It kinda seems reptitive. Any suggestions?

Also, in "His Needs, Her Needs" Dr. Harley wrote that when a man has an affair he stays in love with the ow even after the affair has ended. I don't want my husband if he is going to love the ow even if he did love me. That would be an EA. There is not enough room in this marriage for more than one woman and one man. Does any one else have any thoughts on this?

Help!!!!!!!!!