Dear all prayer warriors,

every so often I have one of those days when I feel like such a failure and the energy level is just wasn't there anymore. All I really wanted to do today is get in bed and never get up. Does this happen often to you guys? I already know one sucessful story from Gentle and it was my source of comfort whenever I'm feeling down. Does anyone else have such inspiring story and willing to share with us? Please post it here. I will use it as a source of inspiration for me to continue my figth against Satan. Thank you and I'm looking forward to be reading you restored marriage stories

Singleguy,
I took your advice and decided not to go to the divorce care class. You are right, I'm not divorce yet and I will fight as much as I can for my marraige even if it doesn't look good at the moment. Many people have tell me to move on and I just can't, there were brief few minutes I thought I could, but over all I just couldn't. It will hurt my son and daughter too much and I can't live with that. So if youhave time, please give me one of your awesome prayer, thanks.

<small>[ March 05, 2004, 07:22 AM: Message edited by: jamesp ]</small>

This is the inspired post that I got from Gentle, enjoy:

Jim,

Several years before my husband left, I prayed for God to fix our marriage. After he left I prayed for God to bring him home. Then I was served divorce papers at work. I was broken. I kept asking why God was not answering my prayers. My Mom said, sometimes we don't like the packages our answers come in.

I did like the package because it was so painful. But it was what our marriage needed. Sometimes God separates us to bring us back together. God used this pain to change me and bring me closer to Him. God use the divorce papers and my husband's leaving to restore our marriage. I had to be broken.

God uses our pain for good if we turn to Him in all things. I had to come to a point were I thanked God for the pain. I had to thank Him for the divorce papers. I had to allow God to work in me to change me and my circumstances.

God doesn't cause us to suffer but He does allow our suffering. HE allows it because of His love for us. He allows it to get us where He wants us. See. if my husband had never left or if I hadn't gotten the divorce papers, I would not have learned to depend on God. I would not have drawn near to Him.

Jim I see so much promise and hope in what you post. God is working in your wife's heart. The divorce may happen, but don't let this discourage you. Your hope is in the Lord. God cause all things to work together for good for those that love Him and call on His name. Live by faith and not by sight.

God sent my answer in a package I didn't like. I praise Him for that today. He loved me enough to give me just what I needed. Now it has came full circle and my husband is home. It is hard for me to believe sometimes. I look back and think about all the times I doubted and became fearful. I remember all the pain and I thought it would never end, at times I thought the pain would kill me. I still am in awe of what God has done for me. What He has done for me, He will do for you. Stand firm with him.

I believe the divorce papers are also an answer to your prayers you just can't see it right now. I believe God is talking to you. Not only through the divorce papers or the person at divorce care, but also thought the tiny peeks at your wife's heart changing. That Monday she said she was not sure. Take that as a blessing and don't let go of it. Stop allowing Satan to steal your joy. Your wife does have second thoughts. She is confused. Give her time. Give God time. Hold on to the times that you see changes in her and keep them in your heart not on your mouth. Don't allow Satan to take them from you. They are kisses from God and they belong to you Jim. Hold on to what is good. Everything good comes from above.

ROM 8: 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

RO 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

2 COR 1:6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

HEB 12: 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.


gentle


I will read those post everytime I feel like giving up on my marriage.

James,

Welcome my friend. You have come here looking for the encouragement to continue on fighting & you have come to the right place. Let me tell you, if it wasn't for this forum and the people I have met here, I could never have survived this whole ordeal. You asked:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> every so often I have one of those days when I feel like such a failure and the energy level is just wasn't there anymore. All I really wanted to do today is get in bed and never get up. Does this happen often to you guys? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Boy, did this happen so much to me! I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to go to work, I just wanted to wallow in my own misery. I even contiplated(?) suicide. But you know what, every time I would get those thoughts, God would intercede and stop it. Like one time, I was going through winter/summer clothes, trying to straighten up my attic and I had a lot on my mind about this whole situation, and I had my H's knife in my hand to cut open some boxes and I looked at my wrists. I wanted to end it all, all the pain, all the emotional turmoil, I thought my kids would be better off without me. That the world would be better off without me. I wanted to go to Paradise and be with my Savior. Escape from this torment. I had the knife against my skin and I just kept staring at it. Just then, my son, who's 13, came up the steps calling me, Mom?? I stopped. I looked up to heaven and I said, Thank You. Another time, I had a headache from all the stress and took out the Advil bottle and contiplated(?) swallowing the whole bottle, but I stopped because I was afraid I would just throw up the pills anyway (my fears allowed me to live, phew). I thanked God again. When you feel your worst, and you think you can't go on, just look up and pray for the strength to keep going. Old cliches usually work so here we go - If God brings you to it, He will see you through it. Although God did not cause this, He is with you and is holding your hand through this & you will come out victorious, regardless of what happens!

You also asked:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Does anyone else have such inspiring story and willing to share with us? Please post it here. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me share with you - In October of 2003, my H told me that he wanted to leave. He left for 6 days with no contact and during this time, I discovered that he was having an EA with a woman he met at his work site. She was 10 years younger than me & fulfilled every fantasy you can imagine. He was very cold, very distant, acted as if he never loved me to begin with. He would see the kids when I wasn't around and be very short with me when we would speak. He kept telling me that if I brought up our M at all when we spoke, he would stop speaking to me altogether and arrange to have someone pick up the kids and drop them off. I felt so alone. I couldn't believe that the man I had shared my life with, the man I thought I knew, could do this with one swift kick. I didn't know where to turn. I discovered Rejoice Ministries - website - Restore Ministries and ordered the material to get me started on winning my H back, God's way. I learned so much about myself. So much that I was too blind to see. Sins I was committing against my H and my God that I needed to correct, fast. I started to pray & fast and never gave up hope that my H would return. I just knew in my heart that God was telling me to be calm, that he would return to the "wife of his youth" someday. I just didn't know what would happen in the meantime and I was very scared. Each day I had to take my thoughts to God. Ask for His guidance in everything I did, and prayed without ceasing, believing, really believing that God would answre my prayer & bring my H home.

I also started praying over my H. I never knew that I had the power, as his wife, to sanctify him, to intercede for him. Around Christmas, I started to see my H's heart softening. He spent Christmas with us as a family, although he still said that he was never going to return home or to this marriage. He was done and was getting divorced. That was final. He did want to part as friends, though. In January, right after the New Year, I told him that I could no longer handle being friends with him. We could no longer speak and he would have to make arrangements to see the kids without me around. What I didn't know was that this had devastated my H. He always assumed that I would be there, waiting for him. Mind you, I never gave up hope that he would return, I was just trying to remove myself from a sticky situation in order for me to be able to heal properly. February came - my H started coming around more, stating that we needed to get together & talk about the kids and such. I could see the power of God working continuously.

At the end of February, my H came to me & told me that he had been thinking about me often & wanted to give us another chance. His EA had ended and he knew exactly what he wanted - me and this marriage. Although he states that he still doesn't love me, he is willing to try MC and do whatever it takes to get that love back. He has been reading through MB with me, filling out questionnaires, and arranging to spend quality time alone with me so we can get the "old sparks" back. He is really making an effort.

James, I urge you not to give in to despair. Rely on God very heavily. He wants to take you into His arms and comfort you, stroke your hair, hold your hand and rejoice with you when you have the smallest praise to give Him! Maybe you could try to make a list of all the things that you are thankful for. I know this helped me be more content with my situation. I learned that until I was content regardless of my situation, my H was not going to return. I had to work on ME, get myself close to God, develop that intimacy with my Maker and then everything else fell into place the way God wanted it to, not the way I wanted it to.

Hope this helps. We are all praying for you. God bless you, James!

james,
Do I ever feel down? Absolutely. I wake up in the middle of the night, can't sleep, wonder when this is going to end. And I always return to God.

Was my A a blessing, absolutely not. And God will take your circumstances and He will draw you back to Him. After the A, four years of lying, tons of fighting, 2 unsuccessful suicide attempts, trying to save it "man's way"...I came back to God.

I now know what a good husband is. I know what a treasure my W is. I know how loving God is. I pray I will be able to take what God has given me and give that to my W, but that is on God's timing, not mine. It is also His Will not mine. I have had to learn to develope patience. So today I feel confident with Jesus controlling things. But, if I let down my guard, let the deceiver send me half-truths, I'll be down again.

Use this time to work on you. Work on your relationship with Your Lord and Savior. Ask Him what should you do? Hold onto those precious moments that do happen and don't dwell on the negative.
This past Thanksgiving was absolutley great. We didn't make plans to go anywhere, but we were going to order in. Those plans didn't work out. So we had to make dinner ourselves. Marie and I worked like a well-oiled machine the entire day preparing the meal, setting the table, going shopping. And not one word of divorce, or hate, or negative came out of her (or my) mouth. I treasure that, and try to remember it when I'm down.

Gentle's story was inspiring. I admit, i have fear with the D and then coming back together. We will lose our home that we had worked so hard for. We will have to move and the kids will have a less quality education. The kids will not have the family things and material things they deserve. These are my thoughts, not God's. I don't know what will happen if we D. I do know God will watch over me. He will comfort me. He will continue to love me and I will someday enjoy His Glory and praise Him forever in Heaven.

So keep praying, praising, worshiping Him. Enjoy those moments of "peace" with your W. Don't listen to those who say it's over.

Love in Christ,
ttsmm

many thanks to Standing Together & TTSMM for sharing your stories. Keep them coming!!

It is truly awesome to read Gentle's and Yvette's stories and I do know of many others with similiar stories. I hope that someday we will be reading your reconciliation story!

Even though I am divorced and my husband remarried, I still do not ever think of it as "move on" but rather I think of it as "press on." "Press on" towards Christ and His will... I know that His will is to share His love with others, to help others, to give, to obey, etc. To spend my life for His sake... because life is short and there are alot of lost and hurting people in this world, and I just want Him to use me and send me. I try to keep my eyes fixed on Him and keep perspective. It helps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I pray that you will see miracles in your marriage and life and that God WILL restore your marriage! Do not give up hope! Keep "pressing on." God will honor and bless your commitment to your wife and marriage.

Please read the article below. It's very good. http://www.drtalley.com/gowyl.html

God bless!

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 04:44 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 04:46 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Thanks LoveMyEx for your words of encotragement. I will do my best, my prayers are with you too sister.

My wife for the first time agree to go to counsenling together. Eventhough, the main focus is not marriage, it is also not about divorce (This is the only way she would agree to going) the main focus is about how to get along together for the children. We have to start somewhere, I guess. The first appt. is this Wednesday. Please pray that I God will help me do the right thing.

Thanks all, Please keep those wonderful stories coming. I hope other will be inspire by your successful stories.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My wife for the first time agree to go to counsenling together. Eventhough, the main focus is not marriage, it is also not about divorce (This is the only way she would agree to going) the main focus is about how to get along together for the children. We have to start somewhere, I guess. The first appt. is this Wednesday. Please pray that I God will help me do the right thing.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">James, this is awesome news! I remember that when I took a long, hard look at the course of my M, I realized that my H & I did not have the chance to become real friends before we married. He was 16 and I was 17 when we started to date and I was away at college most of the time. When I did decide to transfer to a closer college so I could commute, I became pregnant with our first child (premarital sex-not a good choice, but that's another story). We moved in together and then, 7 months after our first child was born, I became pregnant again with our twins. We were going to be married in 1992 anyway, but this kind of rushed it up a bit. We got married. He was 19 and I was 20. We were just babies when we got married. We had not experienced life, real life, at all. So in the process, we were teenagers rebelling from our parents hit with real, married problems, bills, kids, work, etc. We never became friends. We went straight to marriage. This hurt us terribly over the course of our years together, which I realized after my H left and a lot of soul searching (with God's help).

When I saw my H's heart start to change, I just knew that God was giving us a chance to become friends first before we reconciled. And this is what happened. It started off with him just staying longer than usual to just "chat" and then we would get together to discuss the children issues (a lot), and further & further on. During this time, my H saw a different side of me. He saw the changes that I had made & he started to like them. So, if your W wants to find a way for you two to get along with each other for the children's sake (this is very good), you never know what may happen after you find a way to do that. Anything is possible!

I pray things go well and keep us posted! Coincidentally, that's usually when our MC appts are (ain't that a blip?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'll be praying for you. Hang in there, James!

Standing together,

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I really hope that there is a little crack in that armour for I'm feeling very down today. I went to chruch with the kids this morning but had to leave early because they were restless, at least I made it to church <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . I just wanted to give this a bump so that it will stay visible and hopefully more people will post their success story. God bless you all.

Lovemyex,

The end to your story isn't written yet. I know you can't pray for your marriage right now due to his remarriage, but you can pray for him and OW.
There are testimonies of marriages being restored after divorce and remarriage. Both ministries have testimonies of this happening.

God is in control and we don't know what he is doing on the other side of that mountain. You are doing the right thing by working on your relationship with the Lord. God isn't finished answering your prayers for restoration yet.

Just keep on the path you are on knowing you are exactly were God wants you to be. God causes all things to work together for good.

Last year one of our new pastors told of him remarrying his parents after 26 years of divorce.
Of course both had other marriages during that time. So it is good that you are were you are, not dating and spending time with your Lord. I know the worlds sees this as you not moving on with your life, but I and many others see it as standing with God and trusting Him with all things. You aremoving on with your life with your Lord. This is what matters.

gentle

James,

We lost our home due to the separation. I still have a hard time with that. We got nothing out of it because I didn't wnat to sell and he did and the bank took our home. We were both stubborn.

This is bothers my husband at times. He sees it as a mistake now. He has even mentioned us needed to get a place of our own. Remember God has provided with a nice home that I don't pay rent on. I am not sure how long we will be able to live here. We are trying to save money since we are not paying rent. His work hasn't been doing well the past several months and he is getting use to taking care of the whole family again. I will keep praying for my husand to make the right desicions for this family. That is my part right now. I know GOd will provide us a home just as He provided a home for me and the girls when we had no place to go.

I know how you feel about the way a divorce will effect you and your family. I know the fear of losing your home. I tried to explain this to my husband but he was so mad at me that he couldn't hear what I was saying. I finally had to accept that it may take us losing our home to bring him back to me. This is what happened in the long run. I know that the "long run" thought can be fearful. But it is not our time but God's time that matters.

gentle

I don't have a story of reconcilliation-YET! But my husband acts as if he's wanting to try. It is not at all what I would love to hear or see, but I thank God everyday for what hope there is. I know in God's time we will heal.

We have our good days, and we have been spending some time together lately. We don't discusss our marriage, I don't want to sound pushy. I want to become his friend again.

I thank God for this message board, I have found everyones advice so helpful. I read the other post, but the prayer section is what I beleive to help most.

I, like the others believe God has put me in this situation, to become closer to him. I have. It is hard to thank God for this, but I have found myself thanking God and asking him what to do in situation. I pray so hard and pray for everyone here. Since me and my husband started having problem, two couples close to us have also started having problems. I sent them here.

It is so sad to see what marriage has become. I will stand though, with God's hand, I will make it. I pray that my husband comes back to God, and us.

Although my story is not a story to inspire anyone, We need to look to God and thank God for the reconcilliation. I love reading the stories of spouses coming back. I hope to one day write mine.

Gentle,

I'm so sorry for what had happened to you. I will pray for you and your family daily. I'm very fearful of the future, but I've learned to lean on God more and more eache day. God bless you.

nvrgvup,

This threat is not just about reconciling. It is more or less for inspiration purposes. I like to read how God touched others and it doesn't have to be about their marriage. You and I both are in the same boat, I hope someday I will be able to write mine also. God bless you and keep standing.

As I mentioned earliier in this post, work on your relationship with God.

As gentle mentioned, I am also very fearful of losing our home. My W thinks that because I am the WS, the court will automatically award her the home. She is blinded by her atty and by Satan. I will need a place to stay and to have our children stay when they visit. Our incomes do not afford a home and an apt. So.
But genlte's words do me me hope. We worked hard for this home, and the schools here are great and the neighbors (mostly wonderful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ). I will just feel bad for the opportunities that the kids will miss out on because of our finances being skrewed up.
As for remarrying my W. Not sure she will hold out too long before she seeks the comfort and security of another man/husband. She said to our D back during the TRO, "I think we (my W and D) will be much happier with a new husband and a new daddy." That along with her selling both her engagement and wedding rings (to pay for her lawyer) causes me to wonder what is God's will (I am the WS and she is a non-believer whose filed for D - haven't found anyone here in that situ).
Sorry for the doom and gloom.

The bright side. In the past year since coming back to God and Jesus, I have been blessed and graced with over a dozen visions/experiences that I can not explain away. I have shared them on this board before. I'll share them again if someone asks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . But, I mean, AND I can say that I KNOW there is a God, and that I WILL be seeing His Glory and Magnificence in Heaven when my ends here end. And that is no small feat - \0/ PTL.

Almost everyday I read the His Word, I learn something new (I wish I would see it EVERYday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

Thanks for letting me ramble,
Peace,
ttsmm

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 04:47 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Just an update,

We have our first cousenling session tonight. This session will not be focus on MC nor it is focus on the pending divorce (it's a goodthing), it will be focus on how to get along for the childrens shake (this is a goodthing). Please pray that God will guide me.

I got an interesting e-mail from my wife yesterday I will posted it here along with my reply to it. Let me know what you think. What she said is in double quote:

“you will never see these tears cried for you were real”

I know they were, there was never a doubt in my mind.

“the dreams where we danced together forever laughed and loved our children linger”

These dreams can be real if you let it. As you already know, I’m willing and eager to try.

“the unborn still inside and me sitting in the chair i wait for a birth that will never come“

We have never seriously sat down and discuss our option for more children, we never had that chance.

She did called me after she sent it and told me that she sent it by mistake and that it doesn't change anything. Back to square one again, I guess, I'm so used to it now anyways.

No, not back to square one. Hold on to that as a sign from God, IMVHO. You are also going to counselling, that is good as well, no matter what the reason may be.

Please pray that I will have that with my W someday.

I have one memroy that I forget to hold onto in bad times. I posted it a while back.
We had an argument and later she was talking to me like a friend. She asked me, "Why are men afraid to lose their jobs?" I asnwered, "Because we want to make the two most imortant people in the world happy and secure, our wives and our children." Then she says, "That doesn't give them a right to have an affair." Then she raises her hand up to me and says, "I'm not talking about you." I had no reaction before or after she said that, I just listened. Overall it was a good conversation. Then when she came back for the grocery store, the enemy of her soul, attacked her mind (IMO) and she was her cold, nasty self again.


Another note I wnated to tell you on prayer. I take it you have the book, "The Power of a Praying Husband"? For each prayer I add personl notes that reflect my thoughts for my wife, her struglles, my additional prayers, my sins towards her, etc. I personalilze it.

Congrats on the MC.
Peace,
ttsmm

No, not back to square one. Hold on to that as a sign from God, IMVHO. You are also going to counselling, that is good as well, no matter what the reason may be.

I agree with Trying. This is a very good sign. Trying, try not to lose all hope. This is the only thing you have to hold on to. Yes, your W is still acting the way she's acting, but I'm sure you know that God is working among all of this. You never know what the outcome may be, so hope in Jesus - the only one you can rely on. My H told me the same things, acted the same way. He was done; his mind was made up; end of story. Then he started to act much like your W. Sometimes being friendly & we were having great conversation, the next minute he'd be very cruel. Now look what's happened. It's such a good thing that you are letting God work here. He is holding your hand, stroking your hair, comforting you. Hold on to him. God bless you, Trying.

TTSMM & Standing Together,

I think you are right that this is a good sign, but why would she have called me up and make sure that I understand that nothing had changed, she still want to move forward?
It is obvious to me that she does feel that way..sometimes...but why can't she just admitting to it and try and work on it with me? It is not like I'm asking her to give in, all I'm asking it give it a try and see what happen?. I tell you, women, I really don't understand them... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

We had out first cousenling sessions and we basically talked about her agner and resentment towards me. Well the good news is she agreed to goto the next session. We will see what happen. Thank you for all you your prayers. I think it might be working..

God Bless.

jamesp,
I'll tell you, unfortunately because of my A, I'm learning to understand women more (not an expert). I say unfortunately because what I am finding is the pain on thier.

I'll take a stab at this. She says nothing has changed because she is very afraid of being hurt again. Yes, she had the A, you didn't. AND, you did or didn't do something that gave an A as an option. Before you get angry at me, I'll use myself as an example.
I take 100% responsibility for my A. I take 50% responsible for the conditions of the M and R BEFORE the A. My W has the other 50% responsibility for the state. The state of our M opened me to Satan's influence and lies, enticing me to the OW and the A. I MADE THE CHOICE. Even if a gun had been put to my head, I would STILL have a choice. In my case, I could have gone to MC, or a sex therapist by myself, but I chose the selfish way and destroyed a M which had its problems BUT could (maybe still can - God willing) have been wonderous.
Now, back to your situ. Yes, she had the A. She is 100% acountable for her breaking her marriage vows and seeking another man. AND, you are 50% responsible for the state of the M before the A, as is she for 50%. You did or didn't do something that made the option of having an A a strong possibility.

The analogy I use is....
What the chances of you coming up to me and punching me in the face if met on the street (after this post maybe very high <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). Really though, it is infintesmal(sp). Now if we meet and I puch you in the face, what are the chances of you now punching me in the face...very, very high. My first punching you, opened a before unthought of option in you behavior.

Pray to God to find what that "did" or "didn't" do is/was. It is very possible that you are still doing this, without realizing it, because she hasn't even told you, and might not even know it herself. It's just a "feeling" she has.

Generally speaking (not always) women have A's for the relationship aspect that is missing from their M. Men, for the sex, or "type"`of sex.

I hope this helps you brother.

Peace,
ttsmm