It’s been almost 14 months since my H left me. We all know what it feels like and what we all go thru so I don’t need to give any details. It’s been a LONG 14 mths but I’m still here, alive and kicking. Shorty after I found MB (while seeking D info), I also found Restore Ministries and Rejoice Ministries. Bless the Thiele’s and the Steinkamp’s for all the work they do and for sharing their testimony. Charlyne’s emails keep me going each and every day. I’ve gotten closer to God, a closeness I’ve NEVER had before. I thank God for that.

I was born into a Christian home and have never walked away from God. In HS I got in trouble and got sent to school in Mexico. I was there a year. This is where I received my first letter from my H (friend at that time). He’s almost 2 years younger than me, so at the time we were 17 and 15 yrs old (but we’ve known each other since we were about 9 & 7). When I came back, he became a very good friend. He’d always hang out with me and call me. He started liking me and started asking me out. My mother did not approve of him so I always said no. This went on for 3 years. I had dated a guy in Mexico and dated another when I came back. Meanwhile, my H would write me letters and tell me how much he loved me. How I would make his life so much happier if I just gave him a chance. Eventually I started falling in love with him too. He was just so sweet and made me feel so good. I would be myself around him and was very comfortable. Finally, in February of ‘97, he asked me out again (probably for the 10th time or so) and I said YES. He was so shocked that he didn’t sleep that entire night. We had been dating about 9 months when we decided we wanted to get married. So, we went out and bought my engagement ring and he proposed. My mother flipped out when I told her. But she said I was old enough (20 yrs) and would not interfere. 7 months after that we got married.

It had been great ever since and we were ALMOST at our 5 yr anniv when he decided he didn’t love me as a husband should love a wife. He was emotionally involved with a co-worker. He said he didn’t want a commitment anymore and just wanted to enjoy his life. Which made no sense to me, since he was with the OW ALL the time, and she didn’t even give him breathing space. What happened to all that love? I know the enemy took a good hold of him ‘cause he also left the church. I’ve been standing these past 14 mths and just feel so worn out now. I’ve left it to God and know that He is all powerful to change my H’s heart in a matter of seconds. I just don’t feel that God is listening, or even around at the moment. I know that most of the times we don’t hear God, it’s not because He is not talking, it’s because WE are not listening. The enemy has attacked pretty hard at times, but I’m still here. Doubts creep into my mind though and I wonder if all this standing is really going to do anything. Sometimes I even wonder if I really do still love my H. I don’t even know what it’s like to have him around anymore. How can I still love someone that hasn’t been around for 14mths and prefers to be with some other woman. I know that many have said that their marriages also seemed hopeless, and then their spouses returned. Mine just seems REALLY hopeless right now. I want to just let go and move on, but deep down in my heart….I just can’t. I feel that I’d be failing God if I did so. I’m just so frustrated. My H shows no signs of remorse or of ever wanting to come home. How much longer will I keep suffering?

Not sure why I really posted all this, perhaps I am just looking for some encouragement. Or I just needed to get it out. God, are you listening? Are you speaking to me? How come I can’t hear You??? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Thanks for reading.

H98

Hopeful,
You know me very well and know that I have been the most reluctant stander of all time. Why do I continue to stand? It is God will that's why. I'm not standing for my marriage but I'm standing for God's will. I have about as much love left for my husband as you have for yours, but I know that God wants me to continue to stand. I've talked to you before about all the signs God has used to show me what to do. Come on, a little girl in my son's preschool kicked my husband in the shins twice because of what my son tells her. Hmm. . . I take that as a sign as she goes to my church and is not like that at all to adults. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Don't give up now. Everytime I gave up, my husband found another woman. Just continue to be a quiet and gentle woman. Times are tough right now but God will fill the void. He is for me.

Lunadove

Hopeful,

I just want to give you an encouraging word. My situation seemed IDENTICAL to yours. I've also known my H since we were children & started dating when I was 17 & he was 16. We got married when I was 21 & he was 20. We have been together for a total of 15 years & married for 12. He left me because I had been too overbearing, suffocating, watching his every move. I LB'd big time and he found someone else he could talk to about his problems & eventually started to like being with someone else. She gave him what I didn't. He thought he was "in love". He also walked away from the church & he still hasn't gone back except for an Easter party on Palm Sunday after service to watch the kids do their Easter play. He didn't even go on Easter Day. Satan has such a stronghold on your H right now & if he is a weak soul, he will choose to follow that path. Do not give up on him though. Continue to pray for him (wives have so much power over their husbands in prayer). God WILL convict him & open the pathway to righteousness. God is all about reconciliation, not destruction, and I believe in all my heart that God will soften your H's heart. You just have to be patient (believe me, NOT a very easy thing to do). It took me forever to learn it & I'm still struggling daily. My H is home now & we are slowly working on getting some normalcy back into our lives after all this mess. I still struggle with trust issues (who wouldn't?) and he struggles with the fact if I am believably changed or is it a ploy to win him over.

Let God continue to work on YOU. Reading the books from Restore Ministries helped me a great deal & I know they'll help you as well. God bless you, sister. I'll be praying for you as always.

H98,

I'm very tired right now, so I hope I make some sense! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm sorry for how you are feeling.

God does hear your prayers and is near. Even Job, a very righteous man, cursed the day he was born because of his pain and he felt that God was nowhere to be found. And really, God did chose to be silent... he didn't immediately deliver Job and he never gave Job any explanation for his suffering.

What I try to do is go one day at a time. Just one little day at a time. Sometimes, we just have to press on and press on and press on, each and every day. We get through the really bad days knowing that God WILL bring new mornings and new hope and WILL restore our strength.

Hang in there. Don't think of it in terms of "moving on" but pressing on.

I pray that you feel feel peace and comfort from the Lord and that He will make His presence very real to you and give you rest and strength to continue this journey.

God bless.

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 04:30 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

All You Sisters,
I say sisters because where are the men on this site? singleguy, Steadfast & Committed, others. This site is experiencing a spiritual battle and IMVOHO, we are not qutting, but we are buckling.

H98/LMX/faithful/<anyone else>
I feel for all of you. You are a very strong Sisters in Christ.
And guess what? SATAN KNOWS THIS! He is throwing doubts, despair, lonliness, longings, and a variety of other "feelings" into your lives, all of our lives, to show us "things can be better". But in his view of. Through his lies. Not through God's Word.

I joined RMI. I like the books, tape, devotionals (never knew the beauty and power of the Psalms and Proverbs), but I didn't care for the "people" here. Let me explain.
I joined and have yet to receive an ePartner; I have rec'd one email from my Small Fellowship Group, and I "feel" alone here. I even sent an email to to RMI asking to be moved into another group. That replied for me to trust in God. That perhaps, God is telling me, "I want you for myself right now. Build your relationship with Me."
Satan is STILL tempting me; another woman in the elevator smiled at me and told me to "have a good day" when I left for my floor. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN MY LIFE!, EVER. Do I think I am more handsome and desirable than I was before I met my wife? Yeah right! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Do I think "dating" will be easier for me after a D? Sure <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Do I know Satan wants me to believe these things and "feel" happy and loved and cared for again? Yes. Do I know these are all lies, so he can win two souls (my W doesn't seek God, and I lose faith)? Yes.

Why is God, Creator of the Universe, Master of All, "Nothing is impossible with" Him, not resurrecting my marriage? I don't know. Actually, I do know. If my W tells me tonight, "...let's work on this. I can see you have changed. I am hurt by what you did and I still love you.", would I be ready for it? I would love to see it and I would be scared stiff. You know why? Because I AM NOT READY FOR IT! And, GOD KNOWS IT! I still have many of my controlling, childish, stupid, addictive, etc., garbage I need to throw out of my life.

How many of you are ready right now for this? God tells you in a dream (AND YOU ARE 100% CERTAIN IT IS GOD). "To prove your love for Me, go and kill your spouse's lover. This is my command for you and your marriage will be resurrected." Are you prepared to do that? Some you might <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> , I'm not. What if said to kill your child, just like Abraham.
Would God ever say such a thing? The OT God perhaps. The NT God, I don't think so.
But He could. Would you do it because in the back of your mind, you "know" God will stop you, just like Abraham? But He doesn't. Now you have this blood on your hands. We don't know the reason why He asked this of us. Perhaps it was because this OP is destined to destroy many, many lives through personal or political means that are not even a thought in their head right now. Who knows? God knows.

Same thing wit our M's. We don't know the reason why our M's are not being resurrected at this time. Perhaps its because by you, and you, and you not being attached to the "earthly things" you are better able to "live" God's Word, and start a ministry that will save thousands of souls. Perhaps it is our earthly chastisement for wrongs we did. Perhaps we never asked for "God's Blessing AND approval" of our mate before we met and married them. I don't know. You don't know. Only He knows.

I pray every day that the words, I write here and the "feeling" I get will last when the D finally becomes final (if that is His Will). But I don't know if I will have the strength, or the will to accept. RIght now, I know I will continue to work on me and my relationship with God. Ask Him what he wants of me.

Every day I ask God to restore my M. I say that I know You don't like D. So why aren't you "fixing" this? I don't "feel" you want to fix it.

Again, "feelings". We are all guilty of wanting our "feelings" to feel good. Look at the early Christians, Paul, Peter, Stephen, etc. Did they "feel" good being persecuted, crucified, fed to the lions. Look at Christ, did He "feel" good dying on the cross. They were commanded to suffer for others.

Grwoing up Catholic I was told to "offer it up" any time there were difficulties in my life; little food, hand-me-down clothes, having part-time dad. So I "offered up" alot. OFten times it is not to make our after life better, it is to reduce the suffering of others here on earth. People we probably will never know until we pass into God's Glory. Then someone with a different azccent than your will greet you in Heaven and say "Thank You. When you broke your leg and could play in the "big game" and offerd up your sorrow and disappointment to God, you saved me from robbing a bank." or, "Glad to see the man/woman who saved me from despair. When you were going through your divorce and laid it at Lord's feet you stopped me putting a gun to my head and ending it all."

Life wasn't meant for us to "feel" good. God's commandments don't say, "I am the Lord your God, and thou shalt 'feel' good."

I dopn't know if I will ever "feel" anything positive in my M again. But I am commanded by God to improve my relationship with Him; to make Him first in my life, always. Even if there is a D and she remarries (her not being a believer), I am free to remarry. But, because I committed adultery; I started the catalyst for the D; that is my sorrow on earth. I have to offer it up, I am commanded to offer it up for the suffering of others.

This was a long resposne, and it might seem a bit offbase. Before you come back and react harshly or negatively, ask God to let you "hear" these words more clearly. Read between some of the lines here. "Are you ready to accept 'whatever God tells you in your life'?

God bless you dear Sisters in Christ (let's get the men back here and get this site rolling in prayer and hope and worhip and praise again).

Love,
Genesius (TTSMM, IIHHN) your Brother In Christ.

IIHHN,
I know that I am not ready for my husband to come home. Seeing him these past few days makes me know that I need more time alone with God. Now, I have eight months to keep the work up and become truely ready. Even though he is with another woman now, I know God is hearing my prayers for my husband to find Him.

Yes, I get tempted too by men. That's why I'm glad God sent me to a small office where only women work or the temptation would be greater.

I have let my marriage go to God and I feel at rest and peaceful about my situation. My life is great because of Him. When my husband comes to visit again, he will be surprised yet again in the changes that have taken place in me due to my faith in God.

I'm also like you, IIHHN. I am married to a non-believer but I was able to glimpse the pride and love he still has for me these past few days. I saw it in his eyes and I remembered that God is awesome. Husband may be with the ow for now, but his heart still belongs to me and our son. I did a lot of bad stuff myself to help this marriage crumble. Now it's time to rebuild myself before he comes home.


Lunadove.

This is from a man in your shoes.

I was married 17 years, my whole adult life.
We have 2 small children, that mean everything to
me.
But a little over a year ago, I was kicked out, because of an affair, not my affair, but hers.
She was having an affair with a co-worker, she chose him over me, she proceeded to file a false restraining order on me, that would eventually cost me my job, I was told to leave my house, never to return. I couldn't call her, couldn't see her, couldn't write her. She was done with me and moved on to her new life without skipping a beat.
Since that time, he has moved in, she has continued to not talk, say she sorry, or have any remorse for what has happened to my family.
She just got someone else to replace me.
For the last 7 years while raising our daughters, we worked differnt shifts, we did this for the benefit of our kids, so that they would never be in daycare. I worked weekends, she worked weekdays.
Well now she has someone who works with her, so it is so much more convient for her.
I don't know were I am going with this, I just wanted to say, "I want to go home, I want my family back together, I pray for this.
I too have sought out restore ministries, but my situation seems so hopeless.
How can she seem so happy with a split-up family,
it hurts me to see him with my kids. My kids are so close to me, it just hurts.
He has no kids of his own, so does he know how this is destroying me, no.
When I have my kids I feel somewhat normal, but as soon as they pick them up, all the life is sucked out of me.
I had my kids for 8 hours yesterday, but I did not think I was going to make it through last night without them.
I am finding myself in a deep dark depression.....................................
Just a little over 12 more hours and the kids will be back with me for part of the day

Reading the messages above, my problems seem so insignificant in comparison... even though they hurt deeply.

All I can offer, and do offer, to everyone here is my prayers. May you, and those you love, hear God's word, and have the strength to live as He has chosen to guide us.
Amen

<small>[ April 19, 2004, 06:49 AM: Message edited by: Richard F ]</small>

To all of the hurting here,

I just want to say don't give up. NO situation is hopeless. All things are possible with God. My situation seemed so hopeless. My husband swore he would never come back to me. I said it wasn't going to happen ... no way, we were over. He has been back since Nov 2003. We just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. This is the first one we have celebrated in four years.

He was gone for almost four years. I was in so much pain and all your post contain many of the things I have thought or went through during my journey the past four years.


In his hands,

I agree with restore, God may want you all to himself right now. He wants you to learn to depend on him for all things. I joined Restore Ministries in Sept of 2000. Lot of things have changed at restore since then. For one thing it has grown so much that some of the "closeness" has gone. It is still the place I send everyone who is hurting due to separation or divorce. I also send them to rejoice ministry. The restore books are right on track with God's word and I know the principles I learned here and applied according to God's word, restored my marriage. God really does speak through their books. If you don't have the workbook, make sure you get it. It was my greatest help. The best things about both ministries is that they point you to the one that can and will heal your marriage.


rufust,

Again I say, NO situation is hopeless. Not even yours. Don't let fear overtake you. God showed me this one night in a Bible study class. FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Satan wants you fearful due to your situation. His false evidence (your failed marriage) appears real because Satan want it to appear real. He wants you to have fear so you doubt and give up.
Rebuke him, He who lives in you is greater than
he who lives in this world. Satan is defeated. Don't give him power he doesn't have. Do not go by want you see. Go by want God has promised you. If you are not sure what God has promised you, then seek Him and find out. It may take fasting for several days, but you will get your answer if you are seeking Him and listening for His answer.


Hopeful,

Do a search using my member number and go back and read some of my old post. You will see that many of your concerns where mine also. You will see how God has worked in my situation. You will see how slowly He transform me and changed my situation.


You all are in my prayers. Hang on, change is coming.

I don't post as much as I use to since my husbnad came home, but any of you can email me at any time if you need to. tpatter4@aol.com

gentle

<small>[ April 19, 2004, 02:11 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Thank You all for you replies. I have not been ignoring you. I've just been thinking about your responses and encouragement.

LunaDove , thank you so much for your words. I know God won't let me give up either. Just like He's not letting you. Thank you for all the encouragement you give me daily.

StandingTogether , our situations really do seem alike. I know I too was overbearing and watching my H's every move. He didn't say anything about it before but did say he wanted to be free when he left. I know PATIENCE is what I need and I pray for it every day.

LoveMyEx , I know I do still love him. I need to keep reminding myself how God was also distant with Job but in the end, blessed him so much. It's hard when everything around you seems to be falling apart. The life we created together, the families we have joined, the memories....it's just hard and it seems impossible to get all that back. I just need to continue to "press on" and believe. Thanks.

ItsInHisHandsNow , thank you for your reply. Have you requested your ePartner? I just ask 'cause a friend didn't know you had to request them, thought they were given to you automatically when you signed up. Anyways. You are so right in saying that perhaps we are not ready for our spouse to return. Actually, I KNOW I am not ready. There is still so much that needs to change in ME. Thanks for reminding me.

Rufustfirefly, I am sorry you find yourself in that situation. You've come to the right forum. I will add you to my prayers. God will see you thru this, just like I know he will with me. Hang in there.

Richard F , no one's problems are EVER insignificant to God. Thank you for your prayers. You are in mine as well.

gentle, thank you so much for you words on encouragement. Exactly what I need to hear today. God bless you. I will do a search on your name and read. Thanks.

I do have a Praise to add today. I had a good conversation with my MIL Sat night. She told me that her H had asked my H about the status of our D. His reply was as follows...."I don't know. I don't really care about it anyways". Not sure what that means and if anything is happening with it. I never responded to his serving and the 6 months are up next month (when it should be final). I KNOW God will take care of this. If the D goes thru, I know it's for a reason and God has it in control. Thank you for all your words of encouragement and your prayers. You are all in mine. God Bless each and every one of you.

H98

<small>[ April 19, 2004, 04:03 PM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>