Yes..you read it right!! I have changed my name. I didn't do it 'cause everyone said to(otherwise I would have done it sooner), I did it because I realized that if I kept it I would always think of Chrissie as my soulmate. She already has a soulmate in her Husband and I have one in Nicole. Nicole is the woman that I need to focus my heart on. Nicole is the one that I need to try for. Nicole is the one who has needs that I must meet. I will make it my focus to be strong and deny those urges to make "non-work" contact with Chrissie. To not tell her that I love her. To not tell her that I miss her, or anything that will destroy all I am working to rebuild. As long as you guys keep being there through all of my stupidity and brilliance, I think I can make it! Hey, we all have our moments, but I think as long as we have a goal to focus on we can do it. What's my goal? To be the husband that Nicole needs, as well as the father that Rachel, Brennden, and Carson need. To stop being a stumbling block in Chrissie's life and to stop being her OM. It ain't gonna be easy, man I am only beginning to see that!! But I believe that it's going to be worth it!!! See you all soon...<P>------------------<BR>" I broke my promise to be faithful...so I make a new promise to be truthful and loving." Take care in the things you do and say. Be sure that they are loving and caring...not hurting and neglectful. Arik

Whoopie!!!! Whoopie!! Whoopie!! <P>Yayyyyyy!!!! Yayyyyy!! <P>Atta Boy!!! Atta Boy!!! <P>You have made my day!!! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Every step you take, Arik, every decision you come to on your own, every positive action brings you closer to making BOTH your dreams come true. (And it doesn't hurt MY frame of mind either [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/wink.gif[/img])<P>Keep up the good work. I can see your strength and resolve growing, just a little, every day. You can make this happen.<P>And, besides, you just made A LOT of us very happy, too!! Not to mention the lovely Nicole!!!<P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img] {{{{{{{{{{{{Arik and Nicole}}}}}}}}}}}} [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]<P><BR>('Cuse me, gotta go dance around the room, now!!!)<P>Lori<P>

Thank-you my dearest love. You will always be that to me and always have. Even through this "the worst". I love you and will continue to strive for the prize- a better more loving and stronger marriage.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR>

<P>OK, NOW you made me cry!!!!! This is so beautiful!! FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

yay!<BR>print that out and keep it around for the down times, i think it'll really keep you focused.<BR>good luck.

I'm going to cry...This is so wonderful!!! Three cheers for Being a better Arik!!!<P>Now <B>I'm</B> going to print this out and in one of my fantasy times, I'm going to pretend that it's W and I. <P>This is so great!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Good luck to you both......

Bravo Arik!!!<P><P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

<B><I>YES!!!!!</I></B><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

Arik,<P>This is WONDERFUL!!!!!!! You have a HARD road ahead, but desire and commitment to do something are 90% of the battle completed!!!! <P>You CAN do this!<P>You CAN do this!<P>You CAN do this!<P>You will have cycles of strength and weakness - when you feel weak, come to us and we will hold you up.<P>God bless you, Nicole and your family!!!!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I can't type, tears are falling over the keyboard....if this thing fries me, tell my family that I was electrocuted, but died happy......<P>take how you feel right now, and hold on to that.....whenever you need to, pull it out of ye ol' hat, dust 'er off and use it......or use it everyday.....even if in 15 minute spans at a time....the power of a wife's love is immeasurable....let her hold you up,.....cleanse you, heal you and 'save' you......you have one heck of a woman there.......<P>much hope and prayer go to the new you, and to the ever-patient and loving Nicole...

Yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!1<P>I am happy and proud. Good work. <P>I will keep lifting you up in prayer.<P>{{{{{{{{Arik and Nicole}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

WOW!!!!!!<BR> I read all of you and your wife's post, and I have to admit Most of the time yours really upset me. Being the Betrayed in my situation it is very hard to read and not feel extreme pain from your very honest post (wondering if my H feels that way ect...) <BR> You are doing what is right now and that makes you a Man of integrity. My prayers are with you and Nicole. Just don't ever forget what a increadible wife you have. I often have wished I had her strength. <P>------------------<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>And delivered me from all my fears.<BR> Psalm 34:4

<B>Whoopie!!!!! </B><P>Best wishes to you and Nicole!!!!!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

Oh Arik I am sooo happy. I have been saying those prayers we talked about the other night. It worked!!!!!!!<P>Nicole, you made me cry. I hope that you both continue to strive for that good marriage you once had. <P>I will continue to pray for you both.<BR><P>------------------<BR>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.<BR>

God Bless You! You have taken a step in the right direction in "deciding" to make your marriage work. I pray you have no set backs but realize we are here for you if need be!<BR>May the wind be at your back, the sun upon your face and the sand soft beneath your feet.......God Bless you in your direction!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

arik, you don't know me, but nicole does.<P>all I can say is YAAAAY!<P>love to you both<P>Liz/Pearl of Great Price<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Arik... the better! <P>My other reply to you has my congrats!!!<P>Now <B>strike when the iron is hot!!!!</B><P>Sit down... soon... and tell Chrissie that the relationship is over! <B>You and Nicole</B> must compose <B>together</B> a letter like the letter on page 58-59 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>!<P>Quotes <B>not</B> to forget...<BR>Extraordinary precautions must be taken to guarantee separation...<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> Changing jobs and relocating (Situation dependent)<BR><LI> Blocking all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)<BR><LI> Accounting for time<BR><LI> Accounting for money<BR><LI> Spending leisure time together<BR></OL><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Easy access to a former lover must be avoided at all costs. (page 60 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted. (page 65 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Get going on this...<BR>Discuss it with Nicole... a bride of great beauty... (inside and out!)<P>...You didn't think I'd leave you with nothing to do! Did you? <P>God... we love <B>you</B>... we love <B>Nicole</B>...<BR>we love you <B>together</B>!<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 27, 1999).]

Good start, BABA (being a better arik).<P>Filter whatever you say, whatever you do and as much as you are able, as much though the question. WILL THIS HONOR MY MARRIAGE? Anything even questionalble should be eliminated.<P>Nothing is too good or too drastic for your wife or for your family. No sacrifice would be too great, would it?<P>Please read Hummingbird's post today about NO CONTACT. If you follow her story, she has tried for a couple of months now to only have work related contact (they don't really even need to talk, but they are in visual contact). She had a few slip ups, but was determined that she could make progress without changing jobs. Then she took a ten day vacation and can see the difference. NO CONTACT at all can make compared to NO NON WORK CONTACT.<P>You will torture yourself and you will torture your wife. Is there anyway someone else can handle your contact with this woman? By the way, please don't grace us with her name anymore, only your wife needs one. Get creative about this contact or get a new job. I know you think you can do this, but is it really worth the risk of dragging this out?<P>Everyday you are fighting your feelings for this OW you are killing a little bit more of your wife. One more blugeon, one more stab wound...each and every one makes a difference in putting this behind you and thriving in your marriage.<P>Show your wife she is paramount in your life. Make NO CONTACT really NO CONTACT. Find a way around this stumbing block.

I think that changing your name was a pretty good idea, too. I'm brand new here, so this post may seem like it's right out of left field, but in reviewing some of the posts before I put something up, there were a few things that popped out at me... <BR>First of all, changing your 'nick' is a good idea. I understand the reasoning behind it, and have been in love with 2 women at the same time before but some basic rules of respect should be followed... your honesty regarding your feelings for the OW is admirable, but your Wife will be less traumatized if she doesn't have it thrust in her face everytime she logs on. I'm sure she's got enough moments in her average day when an unbidden 'visual' or 'realization' hits her hard enough. I like your new name too... just don't forget it. <BR>2nd, having been in a situation like yours (being with someone [not Dylan] and finding a 'soulmate' outside of that relationship) I can understand the pain that you personally are going through - I can sure sympathise, but sure don't think you handled it well (not that I did anybetter)we all have a responsibiliy to reach or maximum potential, especially if we lose a God. (more on this later) and I don't think that you are, or have been doing what is right... that 'addiction' thing can be confusing, but I'm sure you have a set of principles... In my case, realizing that I had forsaken those principles (not just by having an affair, but by my general life-management over the last 3yrs) led to a new personal growth spurt. I'm still not sure that Dylan will be able to get past what I have done... I know she loves me profoundly, but am not convinced that she will ultimately be able to stay with me, but regardless, I have vowed to be the man she deserves... You really need to read her posts... <BR>I will not applaud your decision to stay with your wife... I'm not de-plauding it either though. But what I am saying is that if that is your decision, you better damn well commit yourself to it, dude. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and stringing her along for one hell-ride. Get off the fence, and I mean really. really really. Not for your kids, not for your wife or the marriage or all the crap a divorce represents (those of you have been divorced know what I mean) but for YOU. If you CAN be happy with your wife, you will not ever acheive it without total commitment. But if you DO really (really really) commit, then you will find love like you have never known - both from her and from within yourself. You will refind your faith. (yes, faith is possible without God, and for those that lose their God, faith becomes even more important) <BR>Don't let yourself indulge in things like "I'm only human" and "I'll do my best". Trust me on this. Not only do those words sound cheap and empty to others (especially your wife) but you are leaving yourself a retreat door open for your life. You want things to get better? YOU get better. You want things to change? YOU change. Expect MORE from yourself. Commit. <BR>For me, this has been the most devastating journey conceivable. I've had to face some things about myself that make me want to PUKE! I looked inside and found something pathetic, revolting, unbearable and it is from there that the new me is born. The new me that will win back my TRUE love. The new me that will deserve her love and presence. The new me that can be a proud father. We (you and I) are responsible for the moral formation of our kids, dude, and can you say that you have been setting a good example? <BR>Don't stay with your wife because you feel you have a responsibily as a parent or husband. It surely will be a factor, but the commitment and resolve must come from deeper within. If you truly love your wife then it's in there. <BR>We all, ultimately have to be selfish. Especially if we abandon a faith involving an afterlife and/or judgement. I get a real selfish thrill (one that is for me alone to feel and enjoy) out of bringing a smile to one of my kids faces. I get selfish thrills when I do something nice for Dylan and she melts. I get a selfish thrill out of helping clean the house, (I HATE housework, specially dishes) because it makes me look and feel like a hero in my wife's eyes. <BR>But chose your selfish indulgences carefully, you have been unfair. Wickedly unfair, to both your wife and the OW by allowing this to develop. I know how you must have felt... but I don't believe in love at first sight anymore than I believe in a man-created dogmatic 'God' image. Real love, true love is developed and built over years. To be sure, we meet people with whom we seem to connect immediately and profoundly, but that is not the foundation for a long and fruitful marriage. Commitment is. And pain and growth.<BR>This is losing cohesiveness.... sorry....<BR>Anyway, the name change is a good start, but IMHO, it's a small baby step. You have a long way to go. If you are really committed to saving your marriage, you had better come to grips with the pain and devastation you have caused. Screw the justifications and reasons, they mean nothing anymore. <BR>Don't waste anymore thought on your emotional connection with OW. You don't have to deny it was there, or anything, but stop missing her. "oh, just stop, you say... that's kind of unrealistic..." I don't think it is. Your thoughts belong elsewhere. Not only if you really want to commit, but also I get the impression that OW wants to work on her marriage too. The selfishness that allows you to even think of allowing the emotional connection with this woman to continue or even exist should be something you are terribly ashamed of.<BR>Anyway, this is longer than I intended...<BR>Oh yea, one more thing, the religious issue... You don't have to believe the same thing to be happy together... even the differences can be a source of connection with your wife... You just have to respect each others faith is all, not share it...<BR>That's all for now, sorry if this post is too long...<BR>ttfn<BR>Deut

Arik!<BR>Good for you! WOW.....congratularions! What a change....I am so happy for yo and Nicole! Way to go... <BR>My husband are really well into recovery, I can tell you, it does work!<BR>Call Steve Harly if you need help...he is WONDERFUL! Can't say enough good about him.<BR>Way to go!