My husband & I have been separated for almost a month. I have bounced back & forth between being desperate for him to come back and then giving up. My husband had an affair with a co-worker last Summer. We were in counseling with a guy I don't think is qualified (after reading How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor). My husband basically told me that the counselor encouraged him to leave me if he wasn't happy. There was no plan, no anything. I am 3 months pregnant right now. My 6 year old is having a hard time with the situation although my H is not her biological father. I have lost 20 lbs in 1 month. I had to be hospitalized 2-weeks ago for high-blood pressure and depression. I am feeling stronger now (especially after logging on to this site). <P>The problem is that my husband thinks that GOD is the one telling him to follow his heart in this way. He also has told me that he doesn't feel good enough for me and can't meet my expectations. <P>We had a rough year. We have only been married for a year and a half. In February, my grandmother died. In May, I had a miscarriage (he was NOT supportive emotionally at this time and was emotionally abusive at times). In July (our 1-year anniversary) he started an affair with a coworker (he says it wasn't physical but has also been known to be a compulsive liar). He finally confessed in December which was when we started counseling. After 5 sessions (and on the same day as my 1st ultrasound due to the high risk pregnancy) he left. No fight, no real problem, just left! He said he can't make me happy and that he wasn't happy. <P>Since then it has been a roller coaster ride!<P>Any advice or prayer would be appreciated. I am actually unsure as to how I should even act toward him. He is NOT missing being married because he is enjoying his freedom and being taken care of by his sister. <P>I think Satan is camoflaging himself to my H because he thinks God is leading all of this. He turns things around that even our pastor says in sermons to reinforce the fact that he left and it was the right decision.<P>He has been very cruel at times during the separation even going as far as to ask me if there was any chance the baby wasn't his. He readily admitted that he already knew the answer before he asked, but still had to ask. ?????<P>He says he loves me but is not sure if he's in love with me. He wants to be friends and even invited me to dinner on V-day. He is so very confusing though. I know that he is in spiritual warfare right now and could really use prayer. It has been suggested that he may be having another affair and although I don't think so, it may be a possibility. <P>We had a house built in July and have a $813.00 house payment. In Idaho that is a lot. Especially on a teacher's salary. I have been left with the payment and all the other expenses for the house so he can save up for his first and last month's rent. <P>As of right now, he won't even agree to joint counseling. He is going to his counselor (the incompetent one) and I am going to another lady (a Christian) starting today. <P>I have seen so many miracles take place while reading other's postings. I hope God has one in store for my marriage. <P>I have a question that has been bothering me too. How do I act to him? Do I call him? Should I invite him to do things with me so we can build intimacy again? Should I leaving him alone and give him space? HELP!

Hi Desp, I've only got a minute but wanted to jump in here and tell you that I'm praying for you, and you and your H will be in my prayers all day. I can relate to your story, when I get a chance this afternoon, I'll explain why. Don't give up, we're here for you and remember, there is TREMENDOUS power in Prayer!!! <P>In God's Love,<P>AW

Thank you!<P>I'll be anxiously awaiting your reply.

Desperate,<BR>If you scroll down you will see a topic "she needs our prayers". AW posted that and we have all been praying for you. See? God sent AW to you because he knew you needed her and all of us. <P>There is a tremendous power in prayer. I have gotten so much strength since I found this forum and started reading the book and praying for others. It does help to focus on God and pray for others. He will bring all things together!<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Thank you all so much for your prayers! It is so nice to read some of these postings and relate. I am reading one right now about not feeling like even going to the store. THAT'S ME! Everything reminds me of him. I don't understand how he can do this. Especially now!!!

Desperate, I'm so glad you're posting with us on the Women's Bible Study. We've been studying the Power of a Praying Wife since Nov. 99, and have seen some pretty miraculous changes in ourselves, and some of the husbands. If you haven't gotten the book, please get it and study with us. If you get a chance, go back to some of our early posts, especially Chapter One, and see the glory of God working through prayer. <P>Ok, here's a part of my story that you'll be able to relate to. First, a little background for you, in case you haven't read my profile. I've been with my H for 17 years, 15 married. It has been a major roller coaster ride, with some very devastating times. We've been separated 6 times, almost divorced 3 times. Last separation was in August 99, we reconciled Oct. 1, 1999. Due to all the trying times in the past and all the lies and deceitfulness on my husband's part, I'm having a difficult time believing in him, and trusting him. My husband is a full fledged alcoholic, his true love is beer. Along with being an alcoholic, he's committed adultery several times, most recently last year, as well as being verbally and physically abusive. It's been a rough road. <P>Ok, back to the part about relating to your situation. When I was 5 months pregnant for our son (he's 14 now), my husband left me for a 16 year old girl, whose parents were his drinking buddies. I didn't know anything like that was going on, all I knew was that he was drinking a lot and staying out late in bars. One night, he never came home. I was hysterical, looking everywhere for him, calling all his friends trying to find him. I didn't hear from him for about a week, when he had a friend of his come get his clothes. I was devastated. It was the most horrible time of my life. What should have been a time of happiness and loving anticipation of the birth of our child, turned into a nightmare. Well, after about a month of the 16 year old, he met a lady bartender and moved in with her, so he could drink for free in her bar every night. I didn't see or hear from my husband through the rest of my pregnancy, except for the day we went to divorce court when I was 7 mos. pregnant, until a few days before my due date. My mom was staying with me and he started calling, but my mom told him I wasn't there. By this time, I had given up on him, and was going through with a divorce. I didn't want to talk to him. My best friend took me to the hospital and held my hand while I screamed in labor, bless her heart. After that experience she said she didn't think she'd ever go through with having a baby!! My son was born, his father was nowhere to be found. My dear brother even went out looking for him in some of the bars where he hung out, trying to tell him about our son. My son got jaundice and had to go back into the hospital when he was 4 days old. One evening while I was at the hospital with him, my husband showed up, stinking drunk. I let him see our son, and he held him. He melted. Within two days, he was begging and crying to come home. He came home, and tried to shape up his life. He drank steadily more and we split up when son was 2. I'd had it, we separated, my husband hit bottom then, and he was sober for 5 years. During that time he was a loving father and a good husband to me. He started drinking again and gradually got worse until his most recent wake up call when he went to jail for abusing me last summer. <P>So, anyway, my point is that even though your husband has left, had an affair, and in essense mutilated your heart, there is hope. And that hope comes from our God. You see, I've never stopped praying for my husband all these years. I know that one day he will turn his life over to the Lord, and the Lord will bless us with the marriage He has intended for us all along. Other than his mother, I've been basically the only Christian in my husband's life that he is close to. Pray for your husband Desparate, and pray without ceasing! In the last 4 months there has been a dramatic change in my husband's attitude - he's gone from telling me he can't stand me, wants a divorce, calling me every foul name in the book, to telling me every morning and every night he loves me, even told me the other night that "he loves me with all his heart". He's been coming right home at night. He spends time with us on the weekends. He even went to church with me twice in one month! He hadn't been inside a church since our son was baptized. Praise God!!! Desparate, don't give up, God will see you through this trial, and He will be there with you every step of the way, just call on Him. And we will be here for you too, praying for you and giving you all the encouragement we can! <P>All I can say is our God is faithful, and PRAY WITHOUT CEASING... <P>God bless you! <P>MTAW<P>