1. Do you believe that you and your husband are one in God's sight?<P>I believe that God has joined us as one, but for the most part, there is no unity in our marriage.<P>Are there places in your mariage where you and your husband are not working as a team? Yep.<BR>List those areas:<BR>Spiritual differences. Not agreeing on what scripture says, particularly submission and what unity means.<BR>Finances<BR>Recreation<BR>Sex<P>Father, how good that I have the freedom to come before You and lay my requests down, knowing that You hear me and desire the best for me. Father, You know that we are not unified in many areas of our marriage. Help us Father to close the gap of our differences that we might have a healthy marriage with You at the head and heart of us. Go before and behind us and build a wall of protection that the evil one cannot tear apart what You have put together. Show me Father how to facilitate unity within our marriage that is honoring to You. Cut out the worldliness from our marriage that Your light can shine from us as a couple. Give us Your wisdom Father, and revelation that we many know You better. Teach us Lord, open the eyes of our hearts that we may be enlightened in order to know the hope to which You have called us, the riches of Your glorious inheritance and Your incomparably great power for us as Your saints. Help us to realize the fullness of Christ, who fills everything in every way. IJN.<P>2. You don't have authority over your husband but who do you have authority over?<P>I have authority to trample snakes and scorpions (all evil spirits) and to overcome all the power of the enemy (Satan)<P>Once again I am aware that I am the heart of my home and Satan wants to destroy it. I need to continually remember that my husband may be the adversary as I set healthy limits but Satan is the enemy who encourages his rages and stinking thinking! <BR><p>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited March 14, 2000).]

<B>1. Do you believe that you and your husband are one in God's sight?</B><P> Yes, I believe we are one.<P><B>Are there places in your mariage where you and your husband are not working as a team?</B> Yes<BR><B>List those areas:</B> <BR> Child rearing, discipline<BR> Recreation, what we do when not at work<BR> Friendships with others<BR> Moral values<BR> Spiritual <P><B>Prayer</B><BR> Dear Heavenly Father, thank you Lord for joining my husband and I as one flesh. Help us Lord to learn to work together, not against each other. Show me Lord where I need to change, convict my H regarding his sins. Help us Lord to present a unified front to the world, with You at the center of our hearts. I pray that you will soften each of our hearts towards the other, giving us the desire to think always of ourselves as "one flesh". IJN AMEN<P><B>2. You don't have authority over your husband but who do you have authority over?</B><P>The enemy, Satan, and all his demons, evil spirits, principalities, and evil influences. The Word says that I have all power over the enemy, given to me by the blood of our Savior, Jesus Christ. <P> <BR>

Glad you started this thread. I was thinking about it last night. Well, I have done the first several questions but here are my answers for the first two also.<P>1. Do you believe that you and your husband are one.<BR> I do, we were joined together in the Spirit and I still feel it even though he is presently not living with me.<BR> Lacking unity in:<BR> Spiritual<BR> honesty<BR> intimacy<BR> not living under one roof<BR> <BR>Even though we are not living together we have so many commonalities, sexual (when we did, but not lately), finances, recreational activities, music, movies, riding bikes and working out.<BR>This is why it is so hard for me to understand. But as I read and learn more about narcissism, I am beginning to understand.<P>2.I have authority over;<BR> evil,<BR> the enemy<BR> the enemies of our marriage (which would include: lack of honesty, lies, depression, shame, narcissism, adultry, other women, lusts, sexual addiction?(possibly),lack of true intimacy, brain washing and heritary seals.<P>Father, God, right now Jack and I are not living in unity as he has chosen to separate from me and the girls. Lord, I choose and want to remain as one, as Your word says and You desire. Father, show me how I can facilitate unity and how we can grow intimacy between us when the time comes. Father, break Jack away from all other women especially the current one. Increase his guilt so he is so uncomfortable and show him how to respond to that guilt so he can act in repentence and want to return to the wife of his youth and the children of their union. Most of all lead Jack back to Jesus, where He is waiting for him. Amen.<P>

Question 3.<BR>God has given you authority to take a stand against any negative influence in your marriage. Is there any area where you see that the enemy has gained a stronghold? List below.<P>Differences in perceptions about what "one spirit", submission and "love" means.<BR>Sexuality<BR>My husband's emotions, insecurities, anxieties, unhealthy need to control.<P>4. Are there any places in your marriage where you feel hopeless? List these below. Bring them before the Lord and confess your hopelessness. Remember, confession is not to make you feel condemned; it is to help you acknowledge your error before God to give you the faith you need to believe that He is your hope and will answer your prayers.<P>Father, I confess that I sometimes have no confidence that You will be able to heal this marriage. I realize that I fail both You and my husband when I deny that boundaries have been crossed, when I minimze or rationalize offenses made against me, when I blame my spouse for all the problems or react defensively redirecting the issues rather than addressing them head first. I confess that sometimes I feel self-righteous, that I am justified in my sinful responses to the hurt I feel from my husband's actions. I admit that sometimes the goal in reading the books to help marriages that I desire to do things recommended not to necessarily grow in You but to retaliate for that hurt. Father I confess my wrong attitudes and at times shallow faith that allows the enemy a foothold. You said that if we had a mustard seed of faith that you would make it grow into a mighty tree. Father, make my seed grow, let my confidence and hope be in you, no matter what my husband does or how he acts or thinks. You have given us the authority over all power of the enemy. Take the blinders off my eyes and heart and help me to see those areas that are mine so that I may take the log out of my own eye. Place a hedge of protection around my husband while you are dealing with me, that You might be glorified through this daughter. Give me Your wisdom so that as faith grows, my mind will be like your mind, that my hope will be in You, no matter what my husband does. And as faith grows, give me Your boldness to confront the enemy, to reduce his impact on both of us that we both may be aware of how he is attacking, and will be able to cut him off, to recognize that in his own defensiveness to the battle that You have already won, he is fighting down and dirty and will seek any means to get revenge for the consequences You have already set for him, to know that he desires to drag others down with him. Let it not be us Father. Fill us with Your hope, joy and peace. Create in me a clean heart! IJN

Question 5. Read Joel 2:25 and underline it in your bible. What things do you see depleting life out of your marriage? What does God promise He will do when things have been eaten away from our lives?<P>JOEL 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--<BR>the great locust and the young locust,<BR>the other locusts and the locust swarm*--<BR>my great army that I sent among you.<P>There is a reward for suffering. <P>1PE 2:19 For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. <P>Romans 5:[3] Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; [4] perseverance, character; and character, hope. [5] And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.<P>We may not have deserved some of what we are going through right now, but would we have clung as tightly to the cross had we not been given this chance to grow in this way? My husband said I had become complacent in my faith. Perhaps he was correct...The six years following the death of my husband were growing years, steps of faith, learning obedience, blindly trusting, being in awe of Him. The joy was tremendous...I remember the battle the Lord and I had when He reminded me that I had not relinguished to Him the area of another man in my life. I remember arguing with Him that We were just fine together, He and I...I remember Him asking me if I trusted Him and I said, Yes, but...and He said do you trust me? What can you say to One who has been so faithful? In my childlike way, I added my two cents worth..." okay, only if he is like David, with your heart"...I can imagine Him smiling at me and then giving me my present husband, who has some problems, like David...who can be a jerk, just like David was, who can be self-absorbed and perverted, as David was until Nathan showed him how he was. I need to be praying for a Nathan for my husband's life. In fact, he may have come in an email today...will advise you more on that later!<BR>In the meantime, I had to go to verse 26....<BR>JOEL 2:26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the LORD your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed.<P>He has a plan for al that is going on in my life, in our lives...<P><BR>Question 6 Do you believe in God's ability to heal wounds? To renew love in your heart? To restore your marriage relationship to all it should be? Why or why not?<P>Some days, I admit that I do have doubts. I see it more as a character flaw in me though rather that the Lord. If I think back to where I was and where I am now and how God has allowed the circumstances of my life to mold me, then I am sure that He is able to do anything with me. He knows my heart and the desire I have for a marriage that will honor Him and He assures me that He will give me the desires of my heart according to His will and His will for our lives is to become like Him, to lean not on our understanding but to be conformed into His likeness. I suppose that if what is going on in my marriage is necessary to get rid of the dross, then I have to be grateful for it. I can say that in spite of being grossed out half the time with the demands of my husband, God is developing a soft spot in my heart to see how starving my husband is and how God is using this time to do a mighty work in both of our lives.

Up to the top for our next Study Group!<P>

Answers to Questions Week 1: 1-2<P>1. Matthew 19:3-6 -- "And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" He answered, "Have you not read that he who make them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one?" So they are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."<P>Yes I DO believe that God see's Albert and I as one. My problem was that I only saw ME and US. I did not give Albert the necessary freedom to develop himself freely and without guilt.<P>Yes there are many places where we both are not working as a team. Before he left and after he left. <P>He was trying to fulfill all of my emotional needs. And I, not ever, asked what his were. I don't even know what his emotional needs are today. But I want to know now. I told him this but he did not volunteer what they were. All he knows now is that I recognize how hard he had to work and I never knew what his were. I also had unrealistic expectations set for him as my husband. These expectations made it very difficult for Albert. I have been working on what God intended me to be as his wife however, Albert is no longer interested. I want to restore this marriage but he says he is thinking of filling for legal separation.<P>My dear heavenly father. I'm writing this prayer to ask that you soften Alberts heart so that he may tell me sincerely why he left and that I may hear him with love and respect for his honesty. I ask in Jesus name, that Albert may begin to trust me to tell me what his emotional needs are and were. Dear God, please forgive me and help Albert to find forgiveness in me for not knowing what his emotional needs were before now. I pray that he may find it in his heart to give us another chance. Please continue to work with me on what "realistic" vs "unrealistic" expectations are. I beg you to chase away the evil one that is causing Albert to consider filling for legal separation. Please help Albert to feel my love and commitment to making the necessary changes in myself so that we may begin restoring our marriage. I ask that you may find me worthy of his love and that you, dear God of all power, bring him back home to me. Please, I pray, that you guide me in my search for "full-time" work so that I can make the necessary changes in myself that Albert will notice as positive. Please dear heavenly father, help heal my pain of abandonment and disillusionment due to my unrealistic expectations I set upon Albert, relationship's and mariage. Please, I pray, that you show me what I can do right now to help restore my marriage.<P>2. & 3. "Behold, I have given you authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing shall hurt you."<P>I don't have authority over Albert but I do have authority over: negative thoughts, my self-destruction, unrealistic expectations of others, personal healing, my self-esteem, my behavior regardless of how other may or may not react to me, my hopelessness and my ability to remain focused on what God wants of me and not what I want for myself.

<B>Q.1. Do you believe that you and your husband are one in God's sight?</B><P>I believe that God intends us to become one. We are one in his sight, but it is still a goal to achieve. My roadblocks are my own frustration. I can work on myself, but we can only progress together. I must stand back and pray. Teaching by example and love, eventually he will be softened and unite with me. I know I am no better than he is. We are of equal value. My problems and weaknesses are as serious obstacles to my growth as his are to his growth. When we decide to grow together we will both make much faster improvement and become a powerful synergistic force for good in the world.<P><B>Are there places in your mariage where you and your husband are not working as a team? </B><P>We are not working as a team in parenting, spirituality, education and learning, marriage, values and morals, or socialization.<P><B>Q.2. You don't have authority over your husband but who do you have authority over?</B><P>I have authority over my own decisions and actions. I can choose for myself how I will feel and how I will react. My attitudes are shaped by my will. By my obedience to the Will of God, I can achieve authority over evil. I am working on this.<P><B>Q.3. God has given you authority to take a stand against any negative influence in your marriage. Is there any area where you see that the enemy has gained a stronghold? List below. </B><P>There is a deep division between us emotionally. I feel unwanted and hopeless. He feels insecure in my love. I pray for God to strengthen my desire for my husband. He has delivered me from my desires for others, now I need to emotionally jump into the lake of love and passion for my husband. <P>But I am terrified because he has not made me feel safe. I know I will be punished as soon as he thinks he has an edge on me because of my feelings for him. He tends to exploit those feelings as a vulnerable point of weakness.<P>This mistrust and enmity is Satan's foothold.<P><B>Q.4. Are there any places in your marriage where you feel hopeless? List these below. </B><P>I feel nearly hopeless about H ever reaching a point where he desires more meaning in his life. God is a bad joke to him. Becoming one in spirit seems lightyears away.<P>I feel hopeless about H being able to share my inner life on any level within the next 25 years. He does not seem to have a philosophical framework or vocabulary to discuss psychology, theology or spirituality. If we both live long enough, and stay together, we may get to some of the basics.<P><B>Q.5. Read Joel 2:25 and underline it in your bible. What things do you see depleting life out of your marriage? What does God promise He will do when things have been eaten away from our lives?</B><P>Selfishness. Too much time apart. Blindness to needs and concerns of others. Excessive concern with worldly wealth.<P>All things will be restored and given to those who are faithful and endure all things. <P>But, like Job, we may not be given the exact people who were taken from us. I believe that relationships and love are the most important things we can take from this life. If we are denied one relationship, and are faithful, we will be given even better opportunities down the road. The problem with relationships is not to have to FIND the right person, but to BECOME the right person.<P><B>Q.6. Do you believe in God's ability to heal wounds? </B><P>Yes. Absolutely.<P><B>To renew love in your heart?</B><P>Yes. Absolutely/<P><B>To restore your marriage relationship to all it should be? Why or why not?</B><P>No. I believe a rebellious person can defy God and reap the whirlwind. God will not force anyone to walk in His path. If either I or H decides to go down a different path, there is much God can do to enlighten us to the error of our ways, to herd us gently to better opportunities, but the agency to choose lies ultimately with the individual. When this happens God has promised "replacement" relationships or blessings to the faithful one.<P>Karenna

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The problem with relationships is not to have to FIND the right person, but to BECOME the right person.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Excellent point Karenna! In thinking about when Jesus said that if an eye or an arm caused us to sin, then we should cut it off rather than have the whole body go to hell really does denote the importance for us to become disciplined and bring all of our "self" into obedience. <P>I think too about the verse in Matthew admonishing us to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and then everything else will fall into place. <P>

You all are so firm in answering Q 1.<P>I saw this question in such a way that my spirit said humbly, "It is so", but my flesh screamed "Heck no, how can it be so?"!!!<P>We don't agree on much of anything.. Just looking at the needs issues, H knows his needs (affection) and gives that thinking hes showing me tons of love... Im thinking "How come with two adults in this house I work harder rather than having my workload cut in half?", if H would just "DO" something I would think he loved me!<P>All of the other needs, our spiritual life and how we walk it out, and the responsibilities in our lives, plus anything recreation are all the same.... We are truely total opposites!!!<P>You can imagine how my prayer goes: God just start showing me somewhere that there is some unity so that I don't loose heart, as I feel I am doing, Thank you Lord.<P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

Reread mine then Cozy. I said that we are not united in anything that I can tell other than name, address, debts (since married people are responsible even if one blows a budget)hmmm we both like computers I guess but he plays hours and hours of games and other than this site, mine is used for my web business. <P>Because we aren't where God says we should be, I figure all I can do is my part in growing in the Lord and staying out of His way while He works on my husband. I feel like some sort of pioneer except when I come here, I see many of you struggling with me, so I don't lose hope.<P>Vent away Cozy and grieve it. It is the pits!<P>Father, we read from this book the ideal picture of how you designed marriage and mine is so far from that picture. You have been faithful on this journey You and I have been on and I trust in You to teach me what You would have me learn from this study.<P>Father touch and reassure others who feel discouraged as I do. Help us to bond together that our unity in You will encourage us in the journey for unity with our husbands. IJN, Amen.<P>I can relate a lot to your feelings of frustration! I say black, he says white. And on and on.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The problem with relationships is not to have to FIND the right person, but to BECOME the right person.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>This also goes along with what Dr. Harley has been telling me: I need to become someone that my H will fall in love with, and to do that is to become the woman that meets his emotional needs. To me this ties right in with the three letter prayer Stormie mentions <B>"change me, Lord"</B>. I want so much for others to see Jesus reflected in me when they look into my eyes. In order for this to happen, there's a lot of work to be done on me! I must become "the right person" in my husband's eyes. <P><B>Question 3. God has given you authority to take a stand against any negative influence in your marriage. Is there any area where you see that the enemy has gained a stronghold? List below.</B><P>The enemy has a stronghold in many areas in my H's life. Alcoholism, anger, verbal and physical abuse, lust to name a few. The enemy attacks me with negative thoughts, worrying, and fearfulness, distrust of H. <P><B>4. Are there any places in your marriage where you feel hopeless? List these below.</B><BR> <BR>I feel hopeless about my H's drinking, his lack of affection and lack of commitment.<P>Bring them before the Lord and confess your hopelessness. <P>Dear Lord, I come before you to confess my feelings of hopelessness in my marriage. Father, please remove these feelings of hopelessness, and replace them with hope, and positive anticipation of the glorious work you are doing in my marriage. Help me Father, to become the wife and mother You intend for me to be, as I cannot do it by myself. Show me where to change Lord, guide me every step of the way. Thank You Lord, my praises are all unto You. IJN AMEN

Oh boy! I got my study guide today and I am a bit overwhelmed! The questions seem so difficult for me to answer. I am really gonna have to take my time with this.<P>Q1.<BR>I do believe that in God's eyes we are one. We were united together in His name. My H has a bit of a problem seeing this. We are not working as a team in any area. Except that he now pays child support every month. We don't share the same home or address, only 3 sons, the same last name and 14 years of history together. <P>Heavenly Father, I feel like Bob and I are at odds on everything. Guide me and show me how to change this. Show me where I need to change in order for him to see that we are a family and that we need to work together in so many areas. Show us where we doing wrong and show us how to make it right.<BR>IJN, Amen.<P>Q2.<P>I have authority over anything that is not of God. I cannot change Bob but I can pray that God put people and things in his path to help him to change himself.<P><BR>(I now feel like there should be smoke coming out of my ears. I honestly didn't think that this would be so difficult. I have a feeling this is going to help me grow so much. I'm definately glad I decided to use the study guide!)<P>Prayers to you all,<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi, It's really an in-depth study isn't it? I'm learning a lot too and hope to increase my faith in God through this study. I think Chapter One is going to take us at least 2 weeks. There's a lot of questions in there!

I think this is where I need to be. How do I get a book, etc? Thanks for the prayer, SueB.<P>My husband is a Christian but seems to want to believe that he should be single. I don't even know where to begin. He doesn't want me to do anything for him. He seems afraid that he might respond positively to anything I try: avoiding LB and asking him for his most important EN. And then, how could he leave me? Actually the house is part of his pay and he expects me to go quietly (and leave 4 children ages 7-18! --as if!) I'm in counseling and it helps me some, but he won't go to counseling or read any of the books, of course. Oops, too much venting off the (your) subject, I hope you don't mind. I won't do it again.<P>Thanks for being here. I feel less alone.<P>Am i alone

A quick note, I can't wait to finish this final so I can join in. I remember when we started this a few months ago, the first chapter really is in depth. I agree AW we may need two weeks on this one. Well, I'll join in soon.. I'm praying for everyone even though I am not posting much. Almost done....

We're praying for you too hw. Do well on your finals!<P>Lord, please be with hw as she works on her finals, giving her strength to carry on through to the finish. Help her Lord to focus on You and her work, with nothing distracting her. Let the words flow through her easily as she writes. Give her peace in her heart and mind as she diligently works to finish her finals. Thank You Lord for this dear sister, we are so thankful to have her with us, praying with us praying wives. IJN I pray, AMEN

Amialone,<BR>No way! Unfortunately there's many of us on this forum who are in pretty much the same boat. The good thing is, we have the Lord in our hearts and He is guiding us through this mess. Thank You Lord!<P>Most Christian bookstores carry Power of a Praying Wife. I got mine from Amazon.com, and also got the Study Guide from them. This book has literally changed my life. I would not have made it though this ordeal without the Lord walking right next to me. He will never leave you or forsake you. Sometimes its really a struggle not to throw up your hands and say "I give up", but then He sends you a message giving you hope, and it again is worthwile. <P>There is so much power in prayer. There have been some tremendous answers to prayer in these praying wives lives. What a glorious testimony to our God! If you have time, look back through some of the older posts on this forum, particularly those titled Praise Reports. He is working in so many lives. <P>I hope that you'll join us. Praying together for our husbands has been such a blessing. Also, you may want to look up the thread "Why we pray in Jesus' Name" -- it has some of the member's testimonies. <P>Love and prayers to you,<BR>AW

Question 1...<BR> yes, I believe taht God has joined us as one, but we are not that way now...my H has a ow.<P>YES...<BR>1) working at our marriage<BR>2)Sex<BR>3)child rearing<BR>4)spiritual beliefs<P>Dear Father, I'm putting myself in your hands..lead me to the right direction, that you want me to go... I pray that you will give me a sign as to what you would like me to do... I pray that you instruct my H as he sleeps, that you trouble the relationship he is in with this OW,Cause him to feel guilty for how he has leet you down and betrayed my trust in him, Please bring separation into this relationship,Please destroy the bond that has developed between My h and this OW and the sexual desire that they have for one another. Please remind my H that the Lord hates divorce and that marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled.<BR>Show me where I need to change, so that my H and I, that our hearts will be joined as one again. Amen<P>2) yes, I have authority over the enemy, evil<BR>that have come into my families life !

"What will they (minions of Satan) do to you? They will try to make us do anything and everything that is not right. These devils would be very glad to make me<BR>and my brethren think we are great men, smarter than anyone else; to divide us one against the other, and to cause us to seek to confess our brother's sins instead of our own. We should therefore watch ourselves<BR>well."<P>This quote was in a talk given to a men's church group many years ago. Reading it in an email today I was jolted in awareness of how the evil one has gotten me to practice confessing my brother's sins instead of my own. Back in chapter one of POPW still, huh? Gossip. At least I have acceptable outlets like this one so there is no excuse for me to spread intimate family business among acquaintances!<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.