Lostva,<BR>Goodness you replied quickly, thank you... I too will reply quickly and take you up on your offer...<BR>The issue is "winning back the one you have betrayed". In the case of my affair, I knew all along I was making a big mistake... I didn't have to resolve any emotional issues with the OW. Dylan is the one I love and always has been, and the affair was not only devastating and horrible, it was also incredibly foolish. It has led to some profoundly disturbing self realizations and a deep personal commitment to become the kind of man that I should be...<BR>Too little too late?<BR>I know there are phases that each go through. It has been almost 2 months since I ended the 'entanglement' and this whole thing blew up. Since then, we have been working intensely at saving our marriage. Communication, commitment, any effort necessary... I have told Dylan that I would do what ever it takes... whatEVER it takes to win back her heart, and she's given me some instruction in that arena... I'm actually building quite the account in my love bank. (about frikken time) but lately I have been concerned. <BR>I thought that pain like this fades over time but over the past week I have been getting the impression that Dylan will not be able to get over this.<BR>I have not asked for forgiveness, I'm so far from forgiving myself that to ask her for it is inconceivable... I have so mch to prove before I can even broach this subject...<BR>But I am starting to feel that she will leave me over this... I know her well enough to be able to see 'the wheels turning' in her pretty head. And despite her objections I can't help but feel that I'm losing the battle for her heart... <BR>I would have a really hard time living without her... selfish I know... yeep, what have I done?...<BR>I know you will read this too, Dyl. I wish I could get into your head... <BR>whatever it takes...<BR>I've read your posts and your letters and understand your pain, I really do, and I don't expect you to 'get over it' or anything, I know that this will never be forgotten (for sure not by me and I'm pretty sure not by you) but still, can WE survive?<BR>Holy crap, talk about regret...<BR>deut<BR>(sorry, I blew my 'coherent' bank account on my last post)

Wow! I would give anything to hear my husband say the words you've just said.<P>Give her time ... keep pouring on the love. If you're not in counselling, the two of you should go - it really does help as long as you have the right counselor. The hurt of knowing the one you love has betrayed you doesn't go away very easily, nor does it happen quickly. You both need to be patient - with yourselves as well as with each other.<P>Keep coming here for advice, comfort, reassurance. We are here for you.<P>Someday, I hope to be practicing what I preach ...<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Dylan and Duet</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>You have no idea how far you've come...<BR>This is not the time to come to an impass...<P>Please start working on the <B>Four rules to guide marital recovery</B> from <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A><BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Protection:</B> Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Care:</B> Meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Time:</B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse.<BR></OL> <P>This is something both of you have to work on... not just Dylan... not jut Duet!<P>Rebuilding your marriage takes work... <B>hard</B> work...<BR>Think of the consequences if you don't...<BR>separation... divorce... hatred... (there is nothing good there!)<P>Love is tough... <BR>Hate is tougher...<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

the consequences...<BR>divorce, separation, hatred...<BR>been there, done that... not afraid...<BR>the true fear? The consequence that I can't bear to think about?<BR>Life without My Dylan...<BR> <BR>Deut

(((((((((((((my love))))))))))))<P>I love you, you know that....you always have known that.....and yes, my love for you IS indeed profound.....deeper and more whole that I could have ever believed...and it comes from a place so deep inside that even i no longer see the source of it...it just IS.<P>you have asked me in the past month, why I love you still...I am completely honest when I say that I don't know...I just do...that is something I have NEVER questioned.....my love for you....<P>as for the question 'am I IN love with you', for which you recieved the heart-breaking answer 'I don't know'...well, now you know why...I am still in love with the man I fell in love with initially.....you have not been that man in a long time, so it is understandable that you would feel that I am not in love with you.....I'm not....not with the man you have been for 3 years.....but the man that is emerging from you now? <P> well, I think the woman emerging from me could learn to fall in love with him.<P>you ask me every day if you have been a good H for the day involved......and you have been......I SEE the strides you are making, the efforts, the love units deposited in my bank.....almost to full by now, by the way, <P>you are wonderful....<P>am I having trouble?<P>yes. to say otherwise would be untrue to my ethics and personal morals.<P>do I know right now if I will ultimately leave you ? or if this will prove to be 'too much' in the long run ?<P>i can't answer that. I'm so sorry.<P>I am living my life day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute...<P>this will not disappear overnight.....I know you want my pain to subside....watching my pain hurts you, I know that, but there is no magical date where this will occur.....sorry<P>the opening paragraph of your above post is what hurts me the most...<P>more than the fact that you had sex with OW, more than the lies used to cover it up and protect yourself, more than the fact it lasted 3 months on and off,, <P>the fact that you KNEW it was a mistake all along, yet continued to do it, the fact that you did not want to be doing it at all past a certain point, but didn't know how to dis-entangle yourself, the fact that you knew leaving me and our marriage was not what you wanted, then why were you doing the one thing that WOULD end it ??<P>these are the things I sit and think about...<P>the why's.........you acted on your homones to start and continue this affair,.......why did you not let these same feelings that were leading you to question the affair after the 1st time together...why not listen to those thoughts? <P>it's all past now, no one can change any of it........<P>that's my problem....it all really did happen, and you did not act true to your heart.....<P>I can only promise to keep loving you, and to keep you enveloped in that love , so you don't feel a need to question it.<P>If only I could use my love like a giant cape that I could wrap around us, to heal us, protect us, carry us when we can't make it on our own.............sigh.........<P>follow terri's advice.......keep pouring on the love........I'm here to grab all I can, and use it to grow.

You guys keep it up & you're gonna make me cry.<P>COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

There, ya' did it.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Beauty from the heart. <P>Jim

bringing it to the top for you love,

You bring ME to the top, my Love <BR>Terri, Jim, Cris, thanks for your replies, it's good to know there are people out there who care. <BR>deut