I wanted to give each of you a heartfelt "thank you" for your prayers. My heart is still heavy but the load is lighter thanks to the prayers of you wonderful prayer warriors. I can do nothing about my husband's alcoholism, problems, lack of feelings for me, his anger, his hardness of heart. Only God can. His Word will prevail. David is not my problem, he is God's. <P>I will always pray for him, and will always love him, but I may not be living with him. The rejection, broken promises, and heartache his last departure caused me has shown me that he does not love me the way a man is commanded to love his wife, and will not be capable of loving me that way until he turns his life over to Christ. Over the past few months he has turned farther away from Christ and our marriage. The lies coming from his mouth never seem to stop. I am so weary, I need to turn away from him and only towards Jesus, and let Him sustain me and let me rest in Him. I just cannot face another broken promise/heartache again.<P>I feel I am getting to the point that I should go to Plan B. I find myself getting angry back at David when he yells at me and am having a much more difficult time "shutting up and praying" than in the past. I've been too emotional. I have felt my love for him start to die. I am praying about the direction God wants me to take, and waiting for His answer. I want to do God's will for my life. I want to get closer to Him, and be the kind of person He wants me to be. I feel that I have to get completely out of God's way so that His will for David will prevail. In order for me to not break down completely, I cannot see or talk to him. It is all breaking my heart. <P>I admit his latest scheme to get out of taking the Batterer's Intervention Counseling has severely impacted my love for him. I have to keep reminding myself it is not David, it is Satan. <P>I am so thankful for your caring support and encouragement. Please, share with me your thoughts and impressions from the Spirit. I feel numb these days.<P>Dear Lord, You are my light, my Savior, my Hope. I will rest in You. All my faith and trust is in You, for I know that You only want what is best for me. I thank You dear Lord for these wonderful prayer warriors and the caring support from the people on this website. I thank You so very much for my dear prayer partner at church. Lord, I praise You and worship You, and wait upon You. Lord, please draw me so much closer to You, giving me your deep peace. IJN AMEN

1CO 10:1 For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea. [2] They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. [3] They all ate the same spiritual food [4] and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ. [5] Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert.<P> 1CO 10:6 Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did. [7] Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written: "The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in pagan revelry."* [8] We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did--and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died. [9] We should not test the Lord, as some of them did--and were killed by snakes. [10] And do not grumble, as some of them did--and were killed by the destroying angel.<P> 1CO 10:11 These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. [12] So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! [13] No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.<P>Rootbeer- I am becoming more and more aware that sin is in the response to the situations around us. We strive to be holy and end up being self-righteous martyrs and puff our selves up in order to feel good about ourselves. We strive to do everything without grumbling and we harbor bitterness and resentment. I think sometimes, we perhaps misunderstand what it means to continue in His strength. James talks about our motivations for doing things and I am reassessing why I do some of the things I do. And I don't know if this will come across as I desire but I am trying to share some of the recent things I am learning lately about my freedom in Christ. <P>God talks about us honoring our husbands and respecting the position He has placed our husbands in. When we allow them to speak disrespectfully to us, we are not honoring them by allowing it to continue. Tommy Nelson, in his Song of Solomon series made a simple off the wall comment that his wife occasionally says to him that sticks with me. He says sometimes his comments to his wife are the sinful nature type and his wife calmly and quietly says to him, "Is that kind, dear?" It is a convicting thing to that pastor and man of God and yet, I am finding it a much more respectful response on my part here at home too. We are so full of expectations for our husbands. I suppose I have been more so because my husband professes Christ as Lord and Savior.<P>We tend to place blame elsewhere rather than remembering Paul's comments in Roman's 7. Here was a mature Christian man who acknowledged that no matter how hard he strived, he messed up. God gave us free will to make choices. David makes his own choices. And David will suffer the consequences for the choices he makes. My pastor told me that the purpose of moving out is to save the love I have for my husband rather than have it disappear or become hardened. The space apart is to provide the peace all the while still working on the reconcilliation, if possible. It is to help you decide what limits you will be setting, the healthy boundaries necessary to provide an atmosphere for love to grow and bloom.<P>God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He could make David adhere to Him in a minute but that is not how he wants David to come to him. He allows David free choice and though I pray that David will make a choice for the Lord, there is that possiblity that he does not. <BR>Pastor is teaching me that I am not honoring my husband when I allow him to be abusive to me, nor am I honoring the Father as his daughter for allowing that treatment. I am learning that my response to his treatment needs to be in accordance with the word so that I do not allow resentment or bitterness to root up and dig into my heart. I need to be firm in my faith such that I do not waiver, particularly in asking for wisdom as James tells us. I must believe that the holy Spirit will bring God's word to my mind and I must listen to it and obey when setting limits or responding to my husband. I must speak that truth with the soft voice and gentle spirit God gives me and if I don't, then I know that there needs to be more space between us so that I can again reassess me, confess my sin and begin again. I am responsible to the Lord for my actions or inactions.<P>I know this is so painful for you and I pray that if your decision is to separate that it occurs out of love rather than out of disdain or apathy. I will be praying for you.<P>And I don't know why those are the verses I felt led to type, but hopefully you do...

AW...<BR>You have such a beautiful. loving spirit that it hurts my heart to know you are in such turmoil. I can truly feel for your situation as I grew up in a house where there was alcoholism and domestic violence toward my mother (stepfather). A friend of mine once told me that if you pray and pray and are convinced that you're not getting an answer, it's probably that God is telling you no. I know that you would like nothing better than to stay with David, but if through his free will he refuses to respond to God, and he continues to be hurtful then perhaps God's will for you is to remove yourself from a dangerous situation in order to preserve in you the beautiful spirit and faith that you have. I say that only because my mother was a wonderful woman many years ago, but the years have brought pain, bitterness, hate, and unfortunately turned her into an alcoholic herself. She no longer has any faith in God at all...in fact ridicules those who profess theirs. It is a sad by product of not being able to remove yourself from such a setting. Please don't let that happen to you. I will pray hard for you that God will speak to you about His will for you to stay or go, and to give you the strength to follow through with it.<P>God bless,<BR>Kim

Thank You SueB for your thoughtful insights. I am so grateful for you and praise God for giving you so much wisdom. I think you are right about not allowing them to be disrespectful to us. I like the idea of saying "was that kind dear" in response. Usually I say nothing. <P>I went to a special women's group at church tonight. We discussed submission to our husbands, and I wonder now if that is where I have failed. I tried but could have done much better. <P>I think the enemy has him hog-tied right now. Last weekend I overheard H telling our son that he could have died a few times but the good Lord must have something else for him to do because he is still here.... He said a couple times his "good friend" was taking care of him. Yes he was very drunk when he said this. Then Monday, wham, he goes overboard the other way. <P>Kim, thank you for your kindness and prayers. I'm praying for you too. My husband has been running hard away from God for a very long time.... there is a lot of hardness in his heart. And since I am a Christian, he lashes out at me when he gets convicted. It just hurts so much to be rejected time and again by the person who is supposed to love you the most in the world.<P>Take care and sleep well ladies.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>H telling our son that he could have died a few times but the good Lord must have something else for him to do because he is still here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That sure brings back a memory. Tom used to make similar comments and he had quite a few accidents that should have killed him, but he walked away from them fairly unscathed. When I'd hear him say that, I would say, "honey, you are exactly right, God does have a plan for you and He's calling you" and then walk away. <P>Just remember that hubby may not respond to comments about, "Is that kind , dear?" because he does not know that God says love is kind, etc. I know a few of the ladies here cling to the sanctification of unbelieving spouses due to the believers faith and God does say he does this, but that doesn't mean that the non-believer understands then what christianity stands for, etc. and to assume so, I suspect harms them more than helps. The soft gentle answer done in love quietly and without malice, not harped on like the quarrelsome wife that constantly drips like a leaky faucet. <P>Jesus showed an example of saying gently what he had to say and then going off by himself to pray, or to continue on with the Father's business. His only yelling was to those pharisees who believed themselves already spiritual and above reproach, the sanctimonious who looked down their noses at those less influential or affluent than they were. <P>I really do suggest that you get the Boundaries in Marriage book for a different perspective in regards to honoring our husbands, especially those who walk all over boundaries. There is such a fine line between humility and martyrdom and yet, such a vast difference too. Martyrdom seems to come out of a sense of low self esteem in hopes to make one feel better about themselves. The humility seems to come out of knowing who we are in Christ and yet recognizing our weaknesses and the constant battle of the flesh. I can't begin to explain the difference I feel as God has made me aware of this, of the peace and the love for my husband, the compassion for the hurt that he is carrying and continues to carry as I give him the respect to handle his issues. I harm him by trying to make things easy for him, I harm him by not allowing to face the consequences of his behaviors, I harm him by not confronting him in love as a brother when he is out of line with God's Word. <P>God tells us that we have to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. I am seeing more and more the sin I have been doing in my responses. I am finding that many of my morivations were self-centered..."I want the kind of marriage that God designed", which is a truth, but it also goes deeper than that. I have to ask myself more often, What does God want, what does God call us to do, what does God want me to learn from this trial and experience.<P>RO 5:2-[3] Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; [4] perseverance, character; and character, hope. [5] And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.<P>Our goal of becoming Christlike and putting on the characteristics of God like a shadow, that never leaves us is such a large part of going through trials. James tells us to rejoice over them. <P>I am finding myself developing such a sense of humor over all these things, an acceptance of hardships as part of my learning process and at the same time an increased awareness that I haven't learned yet, what the Father wanted me to learn or these things wouldn't be continuing. <P>1TI 4:16-[16] Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.<P>HEB 10:35-36-So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.<P>Anyway,I just wanted to encourage you to keep looking inward for the Spirit's leading in how to become bold and confident in Him as you continually sweep out your own closet which leaves more room for love. We are on such an awesome journey Rootbeer!<BR>

Sue,<BR>That was an awesome post.<BR>I need to reread the boundaries book. I know it blessed me so much 2 years ago or so. I know you were encouraging AW but it really touched my heart also.<BR>Thanks

Rootbeer,<P>I couldn't read your post and not respond. It has been a long time since I've felt led to comment. I comment out of a sincere love for you and others on this most awesome forum.<P>I peek in every now and then and see things changing and women being ministered to so profoundly. You are one of the tools of righteousness that God is using to encourage and counsel women of faith who are in the "iron of the soul".<P>I will not give you my opinion on your situation with David. You are a women of God and I KNOW God leads you moment by moment. I have always felt that God directs a "moving target". You have continued to move in the Spirit and seek God's guidance, rest assured that the Lord is in control.<P>Father, I ask for the blessed assurance that Rootbeer needs from You to know that she is walking in Your path of righteousness. Take away all doubt and protect her from any spirit of fear which would cause her confusion or distress. May Your convicting power sweep over David with the realization that You are to be revered. May David see You as You are and not as some watered down old gentleman. Show him Your ability to judge him for his behavior at any given moment. Father, heal this marriage for Your glory alone......IJN<P>Rootbeer, I think of you so often and pray God's very best for you. I look forward to the day of meeting you face to face.<P>Love in Christ, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

AW,<BR>I had a long, wonderful post to you all written...and computer service failure. <P>But the gist of what I want to pass on to you is hope. In Jan I had no hope for my marriage, I realized that the man I was married to was nowhere near God's will and I despaired of it all.<P>Maybe it was as you are saying, God needed me out of his way. My counselor told me to let my H experience divorce, well I commenced the divorce--not what the C meant, but I was really off-track for awhile. <P>But for the first time in all our separations, I put boundaries as SueB suggest on my H. He was asked to call before coming to the house, he wasn't to be at the house without the kids or I there, he could call late at night, but he couldn't come over, he couldn't spend the night, no sex. It wasn't Plan B, but it was a dose of "Tough love".<P>I wish I could give you the magic formula, but God moved in His time. The not-so-nice WS I dealt with for 2 years is gone. My beloved husband is back. As you may remember, I didn't even believe it for 2-3 months. Now we're planning the rest of our life together.<P>What is different this time? Every time is different. Nothing remains the same or repeats exactly--that was a lesson I missed somewhere along the line. I kept thinking I was going through the same thing--an endless cycle, and all the time I was changing & so was my H. It wasn't always for the better for either of us. <P>The best advice I can give to you, is keep praying those prayers, give your H into God's hands, love & forgive your H, but that doesn't mean you always have to shut up or even stay around when he is being crummy.<P>I know if someone had told me 2 years ago or even last year what I would go through I cannot in retrospect say I would do it, but the better things get, the more I'm glad I did not divorce my H, but if he hadn't turned around, I believe I would have. I know you didn't mention the D word, but in your post you talk about love dying...divorce may be one of the next things you consider.<P>God has a plan.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Wow, there are some great encouraging words here. I find this board the most encouraging, the words here the most life-giving and hopeful. I have started the Power of a Praying Wife, so hoping to join you all in that. I'm in chapter 2.

siftedlikewheat,<BR>So glad to have you join us in our study!!! We are still on chapter 2 of the study guide. If you don't have the guide, that is ok because we post the entire question so those that don't have the guide can answer too. I have not been too good at posting the questions lately, I guess because of the turmoil at home. <P>I have to agree, this forum has helped me the very most of anything on the web. These genuine, compassionate praying wives here on this site have been such a TREMENDOUS blessing to me and to others. What a joy to be able to log in here and have someone fully understand what you're going through and pray with you!<P>Father, thank you for our dear sister in Christ, siftedlikewheat. I praise Your name today Lord, as You have lifted each of us up out of despair and given freely of your love to us. Lord, thank You for your saving grace. We humbly come before You to thank You and praise You. Thank You Lord for being in our midst today. IJN I pray, AMEN

SueB, ok you talked me into it. I am going to buy Boundaries in Marriage this weekend. You know your Tommy sounds like David in that David also has had quite a few accidents that should have killed him but walked away barely scratched. I pray that David comes to know Jesus before any more accidents happen. I worry about him operating the machine he does. He ended up in this job because the man who operated it before him hit a gas line and was killed. I pray protection over him every day. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I have to ask myself more often, What does God want, what does God call us to do, what does God want me to learn from this trial and experience<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I ask myself these questions too. I have been torn between continuing to stand or not. I think that what I have gained so far in this trial is an understanding/empathy of others' pain and suffering, and that the Lord wants me to have a spirit of meekness. I have become so much closer to the Lord in the past year, and I don't want to ever lose that closeness. You're right this is quite a journey!!!<P>Taj - so wonderful to hear from you!! I think of you all the time too. You and Mike are in my prayers. How are things? Your insight has always given me such hope Taj. Thank you for your prayer, I appreciate it so much and cried when I read it. I've been crying a lot lately! I would like to know what you meant by "iron of the soul". I've never heard that expression before. <P>I will be fervently seeking God's face. I want to do His will in this, because what He has in store for me is sooo much better than anything I could ever do on my own. I cling to what I felt from Him last nite, "I will take care of you". Your words in your prayer <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Show him Your ability to judge him for his behavior at any given moment. Father, heal this marriage for Your glory alone<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> gave me such hope. Thank you so very much. I love David very much, and know once he is saved his testimony for the Lord will win many men like him to the Lord. He can be a very persuasive talker and when he believes in something he won't back down. Lord make David become on fire for You!!!<P>Lor, thank you so much for your encouragement!!! Praise God I am so happy to hear that things are going well for you both. AMEN, Yes Lord!!!! Like the song goes, "it will be worth it". <P>I will take your advice to keep praying those prayers, leave David in God's hands, love & forgive him, and read that Boundaries book. <P>We still have a divorce pending. Unless one of us calls it off, we will be in divorce trial on August 21. The last time I talked to David was this past Tuesday. I told him that the condition of our marriage was up to him to resolve and that I was leaving the decisions in his hands. He asked me what I wanted him to do. I told him to read the articles I gave him to read on the plane. It was a biblically based booklet called "What Will Save My Marriage". I have not heard from him since then. This is the first time in all our years together that he has not called home while out of town working. I am so hurt. I have been on my knees so much lately that they are going to get callouses on them. <P>Please ladies keep praying. I feel like somehow this is a turning point. But I don't know what way it is turning.....<P>Thank you all so much,<P>Love and prayers, <BR>AW <BR>

AW,<P>thank you for your nice invitation and prayer. I have a study guide which I have been using.<P>You seem to have a very difficult situatuion (sorry, this is probably quite an understatement). I will pray for you also and try to read back aways so I can learn more about you and others here.<P>Bless you today!

siftedlikewheat,<BR>Somewhere on this forum is a thread that gives our testimonies. I think it is called "Why We Pray in Jesus Name" and is from a few months ago. I will see if I can find it and bring it to the top in case anyone would like to read them, and add theirs. The Lord is working..... Praise You Lord Jesus.<BR>