hw, thanks for the info on LMSW. H has concerns about quality of care from the VA, and so do I. I was wondering if LMSW is adequate training for dealing with veterans with ptsd, especially since so many of them seem to wait 30 years to get counselling. It can't be a pretty picture when a man in his 50s gets counselling that he needed in his 20s. Can LMSW's prescribe antidepressants? Probably not. Veteran benefits are available for the wives too. <p>I plan to keep the Oct 30th appointment and see if she can refer me to someone who can get me some meds. I took some in '93 after a motor vehicle accident and three months of bad physical therapy that increased my pain. A wonderful osteopath got rid of my pain and gave me some meds that really helped. They were triangular and light blue. Anyone know what it could have been?<p>Karenna, I am the primary wage earner in the house. I *think* I can manage at least for a while to cover living expenses. It will all depend on whether my actions bring consequences or rewards. His income OTOH is less than half what is necessary to live here. I want him to move out. That's the tricky part. I meet with an attorney Nov 2 who handles both bankruptcy and divorce. I will ask H one more time on Sunday to visit the vet center. Until now his answer has always been No, h#!! No, and f#@( No. All things are possible, and I do believe in miracles, but I'm not holding my breath.

I debated on whether to start a new thread or post my update here. The context is rather bizarre, so perhaps it's better continuing this thread. H's birthday came and went. No meteorites fell on his head, and he is still with us. No surprise there. <p>H has always insisted in the past that he wants his birthday to be like any other day. I visited with friends (another married couple) last week and gave them an update. I told them I plan on treating his bday like any other day, and they know about the gun situation and the "dead by my birthday" comment. Well, when I got home on H's bday, their van was in front of our house. <p>I was tempted to keep driving, but I went inside. The house was empty. Thinking they must be in the garden, I went outside. H was there watering the lawn. No friends. He didn't hear them at the door, so they went across the street to our mutual friends/neighbors. The friends brought a birthday cake, and the neighbors were gracious participants in the whole ordeal. <p>Things were going reasonably well when H left rather abruptly. I thought he was being his usual self at the time. This afternoon, we were having "words" about our future. He told me again how violated he felt, claiming I could have told him I wanted the gun out of the house and he would have honored my request. He doesn't have a good track record of rational discussions, or honoring my requests. That is why I took matters into my own hands. Then he mentioned how he felt on his birthday when the male friends were in the garage looking at the neighbor's guns. <p>I was dumbfounded. I could not believe that friends who were aware of "I'll be dead by my birthday" comment were in the garage looking at guns on MY H'S BIRTHDAY IN HIS PRESENCE! Well let's just rip my H's stomach open and pour in some salt!! I am very angry with the friends for being so thoughtless and callous. I need a reality check here. Does anyone else see it that way?

Okay, reality check....<p>Yep could have been experienced as a painful event, however, his previous choices which prompted you to remove the gun from your home are still the issue. Had he taken the steps to address comments/emotions for the suicidal ideations, he could have been out there in that garage swapping testosterone stories about guns as well, and your marriage would not be on its way out.<p>What is good about the situation is that you still experience feelings of protection for your guy.

Thank you SueB. I'll be giving one of the friends a piece of my mind today. I hope I can do it without seething! <p>While having words yesterday, I once again felt like I was banging my head against a wall. I did choose a couple of examples of his behavior and tell him that the behavior isn't normal. It's abuse. I told him that I can't take much more of being under one roof with him, and that I will be the one who leaves if need be. He said he would leave and he will leave by Thursday. He's quick to point out the faults of any reasonable option available to him, but somehow he doesn't see anything wrong with quitting his job and leaving the area with no plan and no destination in mind. <sigh> I have no idea what will happen next. I know better than to believe what he says.

lonesome,<p>A LMSW can be perfectly qualified to work with patients suffereing from PTSD. It really depends on their experience and the number of years that they have been working this. Although LMSW's should be knowledgeable about medications use, no they can not prescribe. You want a smart, experienced with PTSD, psychopharmacologist also called a psychiatrist. They can do wonders. I would expect that the VA would have some experienced with the PTSD that your h suffers from.<p>So how did the appointment go? <p>hw

Thank you hw for the terminology lesson. I'm always trying to learn. A thread in EN had a link to http://www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com/PATraits.html which describes my H to a T. It also gives suggested techniques in how to respond/defuse the dysfunctional behavior. I am a conflict avoider, and it clearly states not to be that way. No wonder I'm moving at a snail's pace here. <p>The meeting with the VA center left me with mixed messages. The first time, she told me in no uncertain terms to remove the firearm from our home. Now I'm the most evil ogre on the face of this planet according to my H. I've had numerous people express concern about my safety. <p>I asked the LMSW if I should be worried about my safety. She said she talks with guys all the time who are worried that they'll "lose it" and do something violent. She'll ask what violent things they've done since Vietnam. When they say "none", she then asks them "what makes you think today will be any different?" My H wields hurt with his words, his withdrawal, his non-participation in this marriage. But he's never been violent. I told her that the first visit, yet she advised me anyway to remove the gun from the home. The second visit, I felt like I was getting mixed signals. <p>I asked her about my own access to antidepressants. I don't have access to those benefits unless H is classed as a full disability. The next day I met with my marriage counsellor. She had me complete a questionnaire. After looking at the answers, she said it looks like situational depression at the moment. As I was filling out the answers, I was realizing that without prayers and faith, my answers would have been much different. I have many things to be anxious about, but I hand that to God each and every day. <p>I am still dragging my feet in the legal advice area. My bankruptcy consultation was Nov 2. An assistant met with me initially, and the attorney was out of the office and I didn't get to meet him personally. He's been practicing for 35 years, his office is very low-key. I came away with a gut feeling that this place is ok. The first atty office I met with left me with an inner voice screaming at me that it was not the right place. <p>Now, I have to remember that following my inner voice is largely responsible for the mess I'm in right now. Following my inner voice, however, is how I've lived the majority of my life. I lost that inner voice when I realized the severity of my marriage's dysfunction. That inner voice has returned and is getting stronger. Karenna, are you still with me? How can I know if this attorney is a capable one?

You can go the the website of the state bar association and look him up to see if he has been subject to disciplinary action. You can interview the real attorney a bit longer. Talk to other attorneys and ask if they know his reputation. Does he do anything other than bankruptcy? 35 years experience bodes real well however. As long as he hasn't lost interest and is just marking time to retirement...

Good morning Heart- I do understand when you must graduate to the next level, and move on. Stay strong you will come out of this! I am just getting back from having my baby, but I am glad you are growing. Love and prayers Ymon