Hi, I am not sure if I am using the correct forum for this question but have long wondered if either WS or BS ever blame God for things going wrong in their M? Possibly even apart from A..<p>I am a WS who made a poor choice and decided I had to leave ministry out of integrity. As the Lord heals me, I find I am more meant for ministry than ever but in new ways. I don't blame God for my stupidity and thank Him for His mercy to me that H forgave me and chose to remain married. He made a huge sacrifice to step out of ministry since in our old denomination, both of us were required to be pastors. <p>I have long wondered about the issue of projecting blame onto God apart from M troubles.
I welcome any comments and especially from any who have overcome this struggle that often leads to bitterness.<p>Thanks!

No, I absolutely don't blame God for my husband's affair. I believe that the affair happened because God chose to give humans free will, and my husband made the choice to give in to the temptation of an affair. I always think of God as a loving father who watches over us and feels sad when we make mistakes, do bad things, and suffer. Just like I do with my own children. And from being a parent, I know that my children also know the difference between right and wrong, but still sometimes make the mistake of doing the wrong thing. I suffer along with them when that happens, but I don't stop loving them. Just as I know that God never stops loving us, even when we do horrible things.

No, I do not *blame* God, however...<p>The last two of my ex-H's affairs were with "church ladies" ... and specifically the last one, which was under the nose of the minister, and with the "permission" of the couple who introduced them, who were themselves leaders in the church (evengelical, non-demoninational, Christian storefront church).<p>I was very ANGRY with God for allowing it -- and for allowing that church to continue to provide an atmosphere where the affair could not only survive, but thrive.<p>Let me tell you their reasoning.<p>My ex had several affairs in the 80's, he and I both felt that God healed our marriage. We basically did nothing other than trust God to heal is and become active in church. There were many quiet years. <p>Then I had an affair (in yr. 18) with a man I worked with. Very short-lived, one hop in the sack, me wanting to die. It's all over this site, under my old name (new_beginning).<p>Okay, enter friend from my ex-H's church, who also works with ex at his night job. This man's ex had serial cheated her way throughout their marriage, who he divorced, and he had now remarried to a *perfect* Christian woman. <p>This friend, I'll call him Jim (not his real name) tells David (that's my ex) that I am a whore, and he knows this woman that would be so much better for David because she is such a good Christian, blah, blah, blah... and so... he begins to have this woman infiltrate all that David does, both inside the church and out. They (as in David and Jim) helped church lady move, helped church lady set up church for events, and Jim signed up David to work at Christmas dinner at the church... you name it... <p>You might wonder if I was invited to these events. Nope.<p>I got very angry and very BITTER with the things of God. I'd already fought through an abusive situation with a Baptist church I'd attended, and frankly, this was kind of the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.<p>But, God is good, and led me to an Episcopal church with a woman leader, and it turned out that she was a licensed therapist... my goodness!!... and I began counseling with her...<p>Still, although I'd stopped being angry with God, I have carried terrible anger toward (and still do) this couple, especially this man, who I feel put the final nails in the coffin of the David/Sheryl marriage.<p>That said, I never could fight against the woman who my (then)H saw as SuperChristian... and we divorced. <p>My life since has been difficult... but lately has taken a turn (and I mean like, within the last week or two)... and I am seeing some light, or should I say THE LIGHT (of God) at the end of the tunnel...<p>I am letting go of that anger which had become my mantle... what Jim and David and Jim's wife, and the church lady did was NOT RIGHT, and it is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY, not God's, and certainly, NOT MINE.<p>I am so thankful that God did not give up on me, when I was turning my back on Him.<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: Nyneve ]</p>

Thanks Peppermint & Nyneve!<p>It is great to hear healthy perspectives. I certainly don't blame God or the devil for that fact for my foolishness as a pastor and pastor's wife; I was naieve but there was a point where I totally knew what I was doing.<p>That said, OM did strategize to an incredible degree--not quite the same as Sheryl's h's setup but similar. He faked a sick leave so he could monopolize my time and I now believe destroy my H. That was such a shock after things ended--H showed me that the A wasn't even about me--OM intended to devestate H and I was a convenient tool...and a dumb fool!<p>Praise God for forgiveness and that He is a Redeemer of situations as well as people.<p>Thanks so much for your thoughts.

No, I do not blame God for my h's affair that is still going on (we separated 2 years ago).<p>I have seen God work wonderful things in my life. I believe that my h hasn't gotten to the end of himself and is not ready to see God in all this. I do think my h blames God for a job fiasco that happened a few years ago. My perspective it was God allowing stuff so that my h might be changed. The ow wnats to be my h's savior and he desperately wants and needs a savior. He did accept Jesus but was not long on his walk when the challenges started.<p>God is showing me so much through this all. I have grown as a Christian and am sincerely beginning to put God in His rightful place at the center of my life and my marriage. I still believe that God is working. God said to me two weeks before my h met the ow "Put me in the middle of my marriage." Therefore I believe He is still working. My marriage as it was had to die in order for God to bring resurrection and new life out of it. <p>God is good and although this has not been an easy 6+ years, God has really changed me and shown me so many ways in which my life was out of sync from what He desired. I have come to know deeply how much God is for me and how everything that has happened has been for my ultimate good. I don't recognize this everyday but each time I hit a low spell God brings me out even stronger and desiring to follow Him ever more diligently. He is chipping away at all my strongholds and wrong attitudes etc...<p>I see where Satan tempted my h and I can see the spiritual dimension of the whole circumstance. Satan still has him blinded but I know that God will be faithful to me, my h and our marriage and I do believe our time of restoration will come. There is no way that there is anything I can do that could bring my h back. But I do know that God can. <p>Thanks for asking.<p>hw

Hw, that is an amazing and refreshing testimony.<p>I always consider the BS a hero especially for their capacity to forgive. What tremendous faith you have. <p>May God heal your M and your H and bless you mightily for standing faithful through it all. I know He will have wonderful rewards for you.<p>I pray your reply here will bless others and give them hope and strength and courage and inspiration to believe God will see them through.<p>Thank you!!