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#356308 02/17/02 10:18 AM
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frstrtd Offline OP
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Hi Ladies,
I have been gone for a while...no net service for a few days. All is better now, at least for a little while....<p>Anyway, I have ordered the book "Bold Love" by Dan Allendar and a suggestion made by TNT has prompted me to post a general question to you all. Maybe, for those it applies, there those of you who would like to go through this book together. <p>You can review the book at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_67_1/102-2145902-8397745 <p>My situation is such that I do not see God telling me to seperate or divorce my H, but instead God is supplying me with tools I need to grow and change in the relationship and not be a victom anymore. God has sent me a prayer partner whom I have been praying for and someone who has been through the "abuse" game and He is answering prayers left and right, so I know I am on the right track with this book. <p>So, review the book and let me know if there is anyone else, besides TNT, who would like to go through it with me. <p>And thanks SueB for suggesting the book. I have ordered the book from amazon.com and will be getting it shortly. I am excited to see what the Lord can do.<p>Take care and God Bless,
(hope to soon not be as)frstrtd [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

#356309 02/17/02 06:25 PM
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Hi frstrtd,<p>
I am so happy that you seem very upbeat. I will pray that God continues to open doors for you and your H.

#356310 02/17/02 06:51 PM
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Hi frstrtd,<p>You know, ONE LINE jumped out to me in your post: <p>NOT TO BE A VICTIM ANYMORE<p>Yes!!!!! Me too, me too!!!!!<p>I feel renewed from my time away, and maybe I can see a bit more clearly now. You have helped me tonight, and I thank you!!!!!

#356311 02/17/02 10:48 PM
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Hello girls, I would be interested in going through the Bold Love book also.

#356312 02/22/02 07:43 PM
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frstrtd Offline OP
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OK, I recieved the book yesterday. And along with Bold Love, I had sent away for the book The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patrcia Evans....and I devoured it last night! I could not put it down. It rang so true for me. I related to just about everything in it. I was amazed at how well she defines most of what I have been through with my H. He is, I think, ALL of the abusive types she described rolled into one or at least has acted out like them at one time or another. No wonder I am seething with so much disgust and even, hatred, toward my H. I hadn't realized just how much a total jerk he is! Well, I knew it but I couldn't pinpoint the why of it. Now I can. And it is a double edged sword. Knowing is OK, but doing something about it is a-whole-nother kettle of worms! And how do I love him now.....?????<p>That is where I think the book Bold Love will come in. TNT, you still interested in going threw it together??? How bout you lizam??? And you new biginning??? Anyone else??? I know you may not be in a relationship like mine, but the book seems to deal with quite a few issues about how to love hard to love people. And from just skimming through it, it seems to have a very solid biblical foundation. <p>What do you say...anyone??? I am going to start reading it tonight andI promise I will read it a lot slower then the other book. I need to learn as much as I can about how to change myself and how to use that change in a constructive way, to love as God loves...with AGAPE love. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So let me know......<p>God Bless [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

#356313 02/23/02 11:27 AM
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>My situation is such that I do not see God telling me to seperate or divorce my H, but instead God is supplying me with tools I need to grow and change in the relationship and not be a victom anymore <hr></blockquote><p>hey frstrd - how courageous and mature of you! This is exactly where I find myself also. God is supplying the tools - to make me holy (and healthy) within the marriage. But it is hard!<p>My H. is not verbally abusive, but he is passive aggressive (the quiet type, kind of like LH's). Believe me it is a type of abuse, too. VERY frustrating and hurtful. I feel just like you when I read "Living with the Passive Aggressive Man". Described my H. so well and I was angry, beweildered and overwhelmed when I faced the reality of my situation. But putting my eyes on God brings peace, hope and courage. I am learning I can choose a good and abundant life, despite others. <p>I found a good Christian counselor (one of the tools God has provided for me) - finally after many years of desperation. This counselor is very skilled and gently showing me my own behaviors that contribute - and how to make good choices for myself. I started going to the counselor alone (2X), now it is marriage counseling with both of us. My H. is willing in some ways, but there is still so much resistance, as only passive aggressives can do - and deny at the same time!. Still, I'm very hopeful. The best exercise we've been given is to each read the Bible daily and write a paragraph on how it relates to my/our marriage. We are doing this going through "Walk Through the Bible" (in one year). I realize that the Word of God is the most powerful way to reach through to my H.'s strong defenses, which he really doesn't yet even recognize himself. Through the readings I've learned so much of what a Holy Marriage is - which is God's desire for us. For me it takes the focus off being frustrated about "not getting my needs met" - and on to choosing Holy Living (choosing righteous behavior despite what others do) and rooting out enemies (anger, resentment, control, dishonesty...) so we can enter and occupy the Promised Land (in the context of marriage this would be a Holy Marriage).<p>All that to say, I'm interested in the book Bold Love, but I have to review it a bit and think it through whether I should get started on another book right now. I'll pray about it. I do need to learn to love in the context of a difficult relationship.<p>I'm very excited about your perseverance and desire to follow God! Be encouraged today. You are very courageous (as my counselor would say - and it encouraged me greatly too). Others don't always understand, but in our hearts we know what God is telling us and we must follow Him above all. He is faithful and loves us unfailingly when our hearts are wholly His. Bless you today! I'll check out the book.


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